07/02/2007 06:35 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Scooter's Free; In my Heart, I Know How it Went Down

Scooter's one of us. He's a good man.

That's the priority moral category in the Bush universe. To riff on a line first coined by good old Leona Helmsley (remember her?) -- jail is for little people.

There was no way Scooter was going to jail. And he knew it all along. Just recall the expression on his face as he got in and out of those limos at the courthouse curb over the last months. He wasn't happy, but he wasn't scared. He trusted in the legendary loyalty of the Bush royal family. And he was right to.

At a crucial point in the process, somewhere-somehow, there came a moment. Some trusted emissary laid the hand of gratitude upon Scooter's sagging shoulder and said: we have to let this play out for a while, but know this -- you will not go to jail. You will be taken care of. Your family too.

You don't really, in your wildest imagination, think that ole' Scooter is going to be digging into his own personal wallet for that $250,000 fine, do you? You don't think that, just because he's losing his law license, he's going to be driving a cab for a living from now on, do you?

Plus don't forget this: royal courts are complicated places. Subtle. Much is understood that is not said. Who knows what Scooter might have told the American People if they had let him face the legal music like the little people do?