11/08/2013 10:47 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Beat a Cold by Eating Pizza and Drinking Whiskey


When choosing to spend a Sunday puking and watching Point Break on repeat, we tend to take preemptive strikes. But when we're unexpectedly faced with the prospect of a box of tissues, a bucket, and a pack of Halls, we usually reach for the Campbell's. But you don't have to resign yourself to such mediocre sick foods, friends! The truth is, you can eat like a non-genetically-enfeebled king while nursing a cold, as sushi, Vietnamese, and even booze can help curtail that sickness. Just follow this simple guide to nursing a cold like a boss.

Zinc's got a lot of things going for it, including its ability to cut a cold's lifespan short. Zinc supplements, however, have a habit of causing headaches and nausea, things you're already dealing with when you're sick. The solution? Start pounding oyster shooters, which give you a good dose of zinc minus the side-effects... except horniness. But surveys reveal that everyone loves horny sick people.

Carbs are also pretty essential sources of zinc and iron, which is why all those Atkins people spend so much time with their skinny bodies in bed. Whole-wheat pasta is a source of both, and gives your body the energy it needs to get mending.

How often do you see monkeys with colds? NEVER! And that's because you're not a zookeeper bananas are loaded with essential nutrients like vitamin C and electrolytes, and have been proven to curb nausea.

Dark Chocolate
No, we're not telling you to go on a steady diet of candy while sick (we're not not saying to do that either), but organic dark chocolate contains a ton of antioxidants, which are key in fighting illness. Also, zinc. Because apparently that stuff's in everything. So yeah... gorge on candy.

Citrus fruits
Orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemon juice... they're all full of vitamins, and all essential cold remedies. So, you know, go on a bender of screwdrivers, greyhounds, and lemon drops (actually, don't do that... alcohol isn't your friend during a cold).

There's plenty more ways to deliciously fight a cold, and you can find 'em all in the full story on!