Five Guys just might make the best fast-food burger in the country, but beyond the straight-up offerings, we also dig the fact that they offer Pi + infinity different ways to tweak your burger, via an array of 15 totally free toppings, and other delicious shenanigans. So, we posited: why not create our own secret menu using their myriad ingredients?
For that task we brought in Food Network Star-winning chef, Do or Dine owner, and prominent Cereal podcast guest Justin Warner, who created a lineup that ranges from wild innovations to knockoffs of famous burgers across the country. Then we actually went to a Five Guys and made sure we could do all of them. Check half of 'em out here, and see the rest of them at Thrillist.com.
The In-N-Out Double Double, Animal Style Knockoff
What to order: Cheeseburger w/ extra cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, grilled onions. AND ALSO: mayo, relish, and ketchup, which you should mix to create the spread.
What to do: Mix up the mayo, relish, and ketchup in a ramekin to create the finest bootleg Thousand Island dressing ever. Then spread that all over everything. We asked if they would grill the patties with mustard, but they politely said no. You should still try though. Either way, you'll feel like you're riding a longboard in California even if you're just very, very cold and uncomfortable in suburban Connecticut.
The Quintuple Down
What to order: Two bunless little bacon cheeseburgers, a grilled cheese with bacon, and two hot dogs.
What to do: Assemble by flipping one of the bacon cheeseburgers upside down, putting the grilled cheese and hot dogs on top of that, grabbing the other bacon cheeseburger, and mashing it cheese side down on top of all that other crap. Gain at least 4lbs in one sitting, but elegantly.
The Breaking Windy City Dog
What to order: Hot dog w/ pickles, tomato, relish, hot sauce, green peppers, and mustard, plus a side of Cajun seasoning.
What to do: Sprinkle that Cajun seasoning on the thing for some kick, and make a totally hilarious comment in a bad Chicago accent regarding "Da Bears."
The Dyers Filthy Diablo Knockoff
What to order: Cheeseburger w/ extra-extra cheese, mustard, pickles, raw onions, salt and pepper, plus a hot dog with no bun.
What to do: Assemble by shoving that hot dog right into the burger. If you know the Memphis chain that does these things, then you know this will be the best and worst decision of your life, simultaneously.
What to order: Grilled cheese, with a hamburger patty on the inside.
What to do: Nothing. Well, just eat it, we guess. But they'll put that patty in there for you.
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