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10/03/2014 11:52 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The 20 Worst Questions to Ask Your Server, From the Bitchy Waiter

Andrew Statires

Waiters are used to dealing with a lot of things: incompetent managers, infallible chefs, and, of course, insane patrons who ask very strange questions, and then go back to their garden-level apartments to hoard more figurines of kitties dressed as angels.

Behold, some of the worst, thanks to The Bitchy Waiter, and as always, let us know what we missed in the comments:

1. "Is our food ready yet?"
You should know that when your food is ready, it will be on the table in front of you. Trust me.

2. "You don't close for two more minutes, right?"
You don't want to be the ones who are keeping an entire restaurant staff at work longer than they want to be.

More: 15 Sure-Fire Ways To Get On Any Bartender's Bad Side

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Credit: Flickr/Carolyn Coles

3. "I don't see it on the menu, but can you make me ______?"
The menu has one purpose. Literally, one purpose. Use it.

4. "What's your real job?"
Plenty of people make their living waiting tables, and that makes it a real job.

5. "Can you change the music?"
Your server probably has no control over the music that is being piped in and, if he does, then he already chose what he wants to listen to. Anyway, do you go into your friend's house and immediately plug in your iPod?

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Credit: Au Cheval

6. "What's taking my well-done burger so long, did they have to go kill the cow?"
Well-done burgers take time, and that joke wasn't funny the first time your server heard it a million years ago. Also, why do you like all of the flavor cooked out of your burger?

7. "Can we sit over there instead of here?"
There is a method to the hostess' madness. But if you insist on asking this, do it before you sit down, place your order, and eat half of your food.

8. "What do you have?"
Again, we have a menu. Again, you should be using it.

There's still 12 more horrible questions to ask your server -- and they're all on Thrillist!

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