07/17/2013 01:52 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Drag Husband Survival Guide Failure

A couple of months ago I wrote a survival guide for the husbands of budding or existing drag queens. Well, I'm sad to report that on Sunday I failed to follow my own guide.

Which point did I not follow? It was the following:

It is always your responsibility to make sure that she has everything she needs before she leaves the house. This includes (but is not limited to) music, costumes, sashes, crowns, extra outfits, corsets and jewelry. Even if she says that she has everything she needs, it is still your responsibility to double check. If you don't, you could be in store for some extra drives home to pick up these items.

This is my personal number-one rule. It's the one I pride myself on always following -- well, until yesterday, that is. In my defense, though, there are some reasons that I failed:

  1. The show that Vivian was performing in was at 5 p.m. This is an unusual time for a show to start, and not one I am used to, so I was a little off my game. I'm not making an excuse; I'm just saying that I was off my game. At that time we are normally packing up Vivian's drag and heading to the bar, so having to pack up everything three hours earlier was weird, to say the least.
  2. Yes, I'm going to say it: Vivian was partially at fault for me failing to follow my own guide. As stated above, the show was at an unusual time to begin with, and Vivian wanted to run an errand before the call time. (Now, the errand was to purchase something for me, but still.) I was so focused on making sure that we would have enough time to run the errand and get to the bar that I didn't even notice that we didn't have all of Vivian's drag. What were we missing? Oh, let's see... Vivian's body, makeup and music! All three are extremely important for Vivian to be Vivian!
  3. On Saturday we drove to Kentucky to pick up Vivian's costume for the Sunday show, and we didn't get home and in bed until 1 a.m, so I was functioning on very little sleep on Sunday. I wasn't able to sleep in, because our boys don't let us, and I also had homework to do, so I was a little tired when were packing everything up.
  4. I wasn't 100-percent sure what Vivian was wearing for this show, so when we were at Wonder Viv Studio pulling all the costumes, I wasn't able to do my normal run-through of "do you have this, this and this...."

These four reasons caused me to make not one but two more trips to gather the rest of Vivian's drag. I had to go home to retrieve makeup, a mirror, a suitcase (containing the body), and the music, and then I had to go to Wonder Viv to retrieve two more costumes pieces.

The lesson: Always follow the survival guide, and never let your drag queen keep you from following it.

This entry originally appeared on Diary of a Drag Queen's Husband.