THE BLOG
11/12/2014 12:49 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Here I Wait

Funny what a difference time can make in one's life. When I first came out of the closet 20 plus years ago, marriage really wasn't something I was concerned about or even really interested in. Now there were many reasons, why I felt that way, however the top 2 I would have to say was well it wasn't legal and I never thought it would be; add to that my ex wasn't the ONE. Yes, there were times that I thought he was, but don't we all do when it comes to our first loves. Now I will have to admit there is a small part of me that is glad marriage equality didn't exist back then, because I'm pretty sure I would have married him (if he would have said yes). Marrying him would have been an even bigger mistake than wasting 10 years of my life with him.

Now I sit here at 44 pissed that I can't marry the person I know is the ONE all because he just happens to be the same sex as me. With every state that gained marriage equality I would get a little more pissed. My anger stemmed from jealousy and disgust that individuals in this country believe it is perfectly expectable to deny citizens equal rights in this day and age. Then yesterday the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals reversed federal rulings legalizing marriage equality in four states, which includes Ohio where Vivian and I live.

I would like to stay I was shocked when I heard about the ruling but I wasn't. What did shock me was how upset I was when I heard the news. I am upset because I honestly never thought I would be able to get married in my lifetime. Did I hope I would be able to? Of course I did. So to come so far, so fast and be so close is quite upsetting. Yes I know Vivian and I could go to a different state and marry, but it wouldn't be recognized where we live and honestly why should we have to. Not only is it an added expensive but it takes us away from those that we would want to share the day with.

My desire to marry isn't about special rights or forcing anyone to change what their religious beliefs are. It's about wanting to share my life with an incredible man that has not only made me a better person but makes the world a better place. It's about me wanting to protect my family if something happens to either one of. It's about declaring our love in front of family and friends and having it recognized as equal. None of this matter to me when I was with my ex because he wasn't the ONE. Yes, I loved him but it wasn't the type of love that completes you.

Vivian is the ONE, she completes me, she makes me a better person. All I want to do is marry her. I don't want to change the world I just want to live in it and be able to protect the person I love with all my heart.

I have waited 20 plus years, haven't I waited long enough?