The acronym "NSA" stands for "no strings attached" and normally refers to quick sexual fun with someone. In most cases both parties understand that the rendezvous is just for mutual fun, and afterwards both parties go their separate ways; there is no attachment, no strings, just pure sexual pleasure. Sadly, I feel that this attitude in the gay community is slowly bleeding into how we treat each other socially.
Today it seems like gay friendships are just like NSA rendezvous: Get in, get what you need or want, and get out. Gone are the days when friendships were cherished and developed. Today friendships are based on what you can provide, what you can do, or even how much money you make.
I'm not saying that substantive friendships don't exist in the gay community. They do. However, I would say that maintaining existing friendships does not seem to be as important as establishing new ones. Yes, making new friends is important, but it should not be at the expense of old ones.
Ask yourself this: How many times you have had a single friend or a coupled friend and as soon as their relationship status changed, your friendship with them changed? Yes, the beginning of a new relationship, or even the end of an old one, is a life-changing event, but it shouldn't be a friend-changing event.
How many times have you experienced the end of a friendship because the dynamics of that friendship changed? I believe that if you are friends with someone, you should work through changes in the dynamic of your friendship. It won't be easy, of course, and it will take work, but aren't friends worth it? I have to admit that I am guilty as hell when it comes to this one, and it is something that I need to work on.
My favorite is when you are friends with someone but are not allowed into their "inner circle" of friends because you either don't have anything they need or want, don't kiss up like others, or don't have enough money.
Not everything can stand the test of time, and friends will come and go. That is a fact of life. However, friendships should not be NSA. I believe that friendships come with strings and attachments. How else can you develop ties that bond? You can't. I guess I'm just a strings-attached type of guy living in a no-strings-attached type of world. Luckily for me, Vivian is a strings-attached type of "gurl."
So here's to attaching strings!
This blog post originally appeared on Diary of a Drag Queen's Husband.