This email was sent to me by accident today. It was intended for Leslie Moonves, the CEO of CBS.
From: Dick Cheney
To: Les Moonves
Re: Super Bowl Halftime
Hey Les. We're all sitting around up here talking about how to look better on the Iraq issue and we have an interesting proposition for you. I know this is the first Super Bowl for CBS since Janet Jackson. We worked together so well on that one. Karl's idea of the nipple reveal was a brilliant stroke. It took the heat off of us on the war, and sent your ratings through the roof. It also galvanized our base.
So how about this? I know it's coming to you late but....We're offering to hang Saddam on the 50 yard line at halftime at this year's Super Bowl. We figure if you start the promos two days before, the lefties will do the work of getting the word out. I can't wait to hear fucking Olbermann on this one lololol.
We'll pick up the construction of the gallows. KBR can get that built fast, if I tell them to.
If there's any trouble with the entertainment you've already scheduled, Condi had a great idea, have Prince and Beyonce sing "Where Doves Cry" in duet as the trap door opens. W suggested 50 Cent pay tribute to Saddam's crimes with some funky fresh thug rhymes (those are W's words) as Saddam is driven into the stadium in that spare Popemobile they keep in Miami.
I can understand if you want to keep Jim Nance and Phil Simms out of it. We can provide Bill O'Reilly for play-by-play. If you have a problem with Fox talent, I can get you Michael Buffer, everybody loves him.
We can arrange to have several thousand Iraqis in full native costume to weep and wail and cheer as he dies.
I know you understand the entertainment and ratings value of this. We figure it'll help get our momentum back. Get back to me asap.
Can't wait for us to go hunting again!