Congress Passes "Uncle Buck" Bill

(Reuterz) Washington D.C. -- Congress has approved the "Cash For Clunkers" Bill with 135 pages of criteria that must be met to qualify for the rebates.

The "CARS" program (named after the recently disappointing Pixar animated feature) is intended as an incentive to owners of 25-year-old sheet metal who have had no reason or ability to spend up to $45,000 for a new car. Organized crime families in the New York/New Jersey area are also expected to benefit.

To qualify, drivers must admit to currently owning a vehicle whose appearance would be improved by an accident or are regularly given "right of way" by others at intersections. Vehicles manufactured between the Russian boycott of the Olympics and the Collapse of The World Economies are eligible.

In California -- the country's largest car market -- the legislature responded positively by raising new vehicle sales taxes and registration fees to the entire rebate amount. The program is expected to end once someone in Congress reads it.