06/26/2015 05:00 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Alphabet According to Mom


You won't find any A is for apple stuff here. This is what the letters mean to tired, frazzled, constantly at their wit's ends, but love the hell out of their children kinda mothers. Enjoy.

A is for A nap would be nice.
B is for Because I said so.
C is for Chanting "children are a blessing, children are a blessing..."
D is for Daniel Tiger all day long.
E is for Everyone is crying.
F is for Forgot my toddler throws a fit when I leave the crust on her sandwich.
G is for Growth spurts which turn my kids into Ravenous van Winkle.
H is for How do I function on such little sleep?
I is for I need more coffee.
J is for Just leave me alone for five minutes.
K is for Keep your hands to yourself.
L is for Love I never knew I could feel.
M is for Macaroni and cheese. Duh.
N is for No, you cannot have fruit snacks for breakfast
O is Oh my word, how will I survive today?
P is for Please stop licking your sister.
Q is for Quiet time that never happens.
R is for Really? You're going to throw a fit over that?
S is for Summer sucking the life out of me.
T is for The terrible twos... and threes....
U is for Unless you want to go to bed at 5 p.m., you should change your attitude
V is for Victory! I got to shower without an audience!
W is Why are you still awake at 10 p.m.?
X is for Xylophones are not a musical instrument; they are a torture device.
Y is for "You're my favorite, Mom."
Z is for Zzzz...

This piece originally appeared on Is It Bedtime Yet?

You can find more from Toni Hammer at Is It Bedtime Yet, on Facebook, and on Twitter.