01/12/2015 03:59 pm ET Updated Mar 14, 2015

What's Really Causing Problems on Mom's Phone

Michael H via Getty Images

The Huffington Post recently posted an article about items and actions which are sucking up space and potentially causing problems on your phone. The possibilities were things like episodes of Serial you've downloaded and won't ever listen to again (because you've already talked about this season way, way too much and need a break) or too many apps doing things you don't know about. I think Bono knows a thing or two about that.

These are not the problems I have with my phone as a mom. What's causing problems with my phone is...

1. The 5 million pictures my kids have taken. I have roughly 712 pictures of the wall, the carpet, blurry images of feet and something resembling baby dolls being cooked on my kids' toy kitchen. I'm pretty sure I'm not raising the next Ansel Adams.

2. All of the freaking games. Lately, I've been waking up to the sound of a dog barking... and we don't have a dog. What's happened is my daughter has woken up, snuck into my room and begun playing an animal game on my phone. I don't know how she thinks she's getting away with anything since I CAN HEAR IT. There's the food game, the numbers game, the alphabet game, the game about games game...

3. The permanent greasy and sticky substances encompassing my phone. I try to get my kids to wash their hands as much as possible, but somehow they are forever covered in some sort of former food substance which they have decided to decorate my phone with. (Thank goodness it's not glitter... yet.)

4. Anytime I want to listen to music or an audiobook or something which reminds me people older than two exist, the speaker makes it sound like I'm dancing underwater. Why? Because if my daughter can't find a pacifier, she chooses to gnaw on my phone and it's ALWAYS THE END WITH THE SPEAKER. Why she can't sharpen her teeth on the end with the power button I'll never know.

5. The battery life constantly running low. Okay, fine, I can't blame this one on my kids. This is all me. I rush to my phone anytime it dings or sings because it means another adult is trying to connect with me and I have to feel that instant connection to the outside world. It's a necessity. It's more important than coffee or even peeing some days.

Ever since I had kids, I've been in the camp which believes that my children don't need their own phone or tablet or computer until they're at least teenagers. I survived without one until my early 20s and I'd like to think they can too. I may be making a trip to the cell phone store soon, though, if it means they leave mine alone.

You can find more from Toni Hammer at Is It Bedtime Yet, on Facebook, and on Twitter.