09/26/2011 12:50 pm ET Updated Nov 26, 2011

Human Dairy: The Taste of Mother's Love

Would you eat fudgesicles made from cat milk? Or yoghurt cultured straight from the teat of an armadillo? What about wolf-milk sour cream for your burrito? Who do you think was the first guy who lay underneath a cow and thought, "You know, I think I have an idea. I am going to suck on these things. Maybe I will save some for later, let it mold and coagulate, then eat it on a cracker. Delicious!"

If we eat animal dairy then why not eat, process, and manufacture this beloved food group made out of people? In case you haven't heard, human dairy made from a lady's funbags is hot off the shelves right now. From human ice cream, to human cheese, to a guy living solely off his wife's boobie milk.

This is either the grossest thing you have ever heard, a deep political message about the dairy industry, or just the beginning of a 1984 scenario where we will soon have women caged and drugged up on hormones with breast pumps glued to their skin ready for mass production. Can I just add that as a breastfeeding mom I am torn between udder disgust and trying to figure out how to best capitalize on this new trend.