10/25/2006 06:04 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

National RePUBLICan Radio

How about the grosso-weirdness of NPR, relentlessly dunning us for money over the last two weeks, because they 'stand alone in coverage of the news', while simultaneously censoring any advertising for the innocuous and painfully empathetic docudrama "Death of a President"?

The stated problem is that the assassination of a President shouldn't be depicted on screen. OK, except that the President in question is the most hated man on Earth. The unstated problem therefore, is that the ruling junta doesn't want billions of Earthlings - including far too many Americans - experiencing collective wish-fulfillment by viewing footage of the cretinous coward choking to death on his own blood. Assassination must not be exploited.

In other words, craven kowtowing to a President who climbed to power exploiting the three thousand American citizens assassinated by his own negligence - or connivance.

However such craven kowtowing shouldn't be blamed on the generaally admirable, hardworking and chronically underpaid folks at NPR, who've fought to keep their baby healthy throughout the deadly years of the Bush Plague.

Blame it rather on the long, leathery claws of prehensile rightwing reptile and world-class bigot Cheryl Halpern, Chairman of CPB. (Note that ChairMAN. Nothing so NPR-ish as 'ChairWOMAN' or ChairPERSON'). Cheryl is an angry white whale in the same proud tradition as her predecessor, morbidly obese endomorph and noted free-thinker, Kenneth Tomlinson, whose hog-bristled jowls - wholly owned and operated by Rove Inc. - are so fond a memory amongst public broadcasters. Ken and Cherry are cut from the same cellulite, the only real difference between them being that at least Cheryl has the good sense to shave.

These odious reprobates are the quintessential foxes in charge of the chicken-coop - though sadly in Cheryl's case, not a very foxy fox. Tomlinson made his righty rep demonizing PBS stalwart Bill Moyers, for his deplorable tendency to take Christ at his word on matters like poverty, war and environmental rape. Similarly Halpern came to neo-con prominence by waging war against NPR for its deplorable tendency to report on Palestinians as if they were remarkably similar to actual human beings.

Consider if you will a putative docudrama - or perhaps series of them called 'Death of a Chairman'. In each episode the likes of Ken and Cherry - and all the other Secretaries of This and Chairmans of That who've been given responsibility for federal entities they've vowed to destroy - are imaginatively gunned down each week, always by lone assassins, lifetime NRA members every manjack of them, wielding one of those guns that don't kill people.

Trouble is that far too many people would prefer such re-enactments to be actual documentaries.