01/11/2013 03:20 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Cat Sneaks Phone, Saw Into Brazilian Prison

A cat walked into a Brazilian prison carrying a cell phone, a saw and other assorted hardware and by "cat" I don't mean as in, "He's a groovy cat." I mean as in "Hey! There's a fur-bearing, mouse-chasing, milk-lapping pussy gato walking into that prison with a saw."

It happened in Arapiraca, a city of some 215,000 souls with a prison housing 263 detainees. The cat in question, being bereft of hands, couldn't just shove the contraband in his pockets, so he strode through the front door of the facility with a cell phone and charger, a saw, drills, a memory card, batteries and earphones all taped to his torso. I think he might have been a cat burglar (ba dum bum), but Brazilian authorities suspect there is human agency behind the acts of the accessorial feline and at present, all 263 denizens of the big house are suspect.

Said one prison spokesman to Arapicara's Estado de S. Paulo, "It's tough to find out who's responsible for the action as the cat doesn't speak."

I doubt that. I bet he speaks just fine. He's just playing it cool. Any cat capable of strapping himself up with an array of accoutrement and slinking into a prison intent on springing his co-malefactors is a smart cat indeed. He's got plenty to say. Some other cat must have his tongue at the moment.

The as-yet unidentified cat is described as "white," but insiders have hinted at a possible issue to be raised at trial, to wit, disagreement among witnesses about details of the cat's appearance. Shortly after the incident one guard reported that the cat had only one eye, while another guard maintained, "The cat wasn't coming in; he was going out."