05/03/2012 04:06 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Flasher Exposes Self at Bookstore for the Blind

What's funnier than a flasher at a bookstore for the blind?

There's no punchline. I'm asking seriously. Is there anything funnier than some pervert exposing himself to blind people? Maybe a zoophile at a taxidermist's, but that's gross. How about Marlee Matlin at the Grammys?


According to a report on, an unidentified pervert described as a skinny black man between 35 and 45 years of age, standing approximately 5 feet 10 inches and clad (partially) in a black track suit, entered the bookstore at the Bucks County Association for the Blind in Newtown Township where he exposed himself to an unnamed woman. Newtown Township and Borough cops scoured the area following the incident but their search proved futile.

So for all we know there is now, on the loose, somewhere in the Philadelphia suburbs, the world's most dysfunctional exhibitionist.

I've searched and searched and I can't find any details about this delightful little news nugget beyond those I've already shared and that frustrates me big as all outside. I really want to know some things about this story. For starters, it's a bookstore for the blind! How did she know he was exposing himself? If she can see, what was she doing there? Does she prefer 50
Shades of Grey
in Braille? Is there any reason to suspect the alleged perpetrator has been hanging around proffering his privates to oblivious sightless browsers for months or years prior to this one incident being glimpsed by the only person in the place capable of actually spotting his malefaction? And while I'm asking, are we talking about a velour track suit or one of those shiny numbers like the one Roy Wilkins might have worn for his foretold stroll through Watts?

On Wikipedia, that fount of indisputable knowledge, one can finda list of no fewer than 82 different paraphilias, that is, "sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation." There's virtually nothing you can think of that someone doesn't get off on, troubling though that may be. Think of it: There are nearly seven billion people in this world. Statistics alone suggest that almost any deviant behavior you can dream up someone is engaging in right now. One of your neighbors might be dressed up like Sailor Moon while his dominatrix forces him to eat Pringles from a dog dish and if that actually sounds kind of hot to you, chin up; I'm sure you're not alone.

But no matter the laws of large numbers or the dankness of the corners in the human psyche, I've perused the literature and I'm coming up blank in my quest to explain any possible interest in showing one's willy to a stranger without the gift of sight. The only thing I've come up with by way of self-explanation is this: Let's say this guy's got a hang-up and he has a deep-seated need to expose himself in public, and then let's say either a) he's afraid of getting caught and/or b) he knows he hadn't ought to be flashing unwitting passersby and he feels kind of wrong about his uncontrollable urge. Then maybe it makes sense, on some level, that he'd say to himself, "I need to let this monster out but I don't want anyone getting hurt, so I'll show it to people who can't see it." That might be a stretch, but it's plausible and to my mind it's commendable. They're blind, after all. No harm, no foul.

I'm not saying it's the optimal solution, but I am saying that if you look at it from one standpoint it's an admirable bit of self-restraint. But then of course if you look at it from any other standpoint it's still a flasher dropping his trousers at a bookstore for the blind and, sick or not, that's too funny for words.