10/09/2012 12:34 pm ET Updated Dec 09, 2012

Saving Boobies, Killing Bad Guys -- It's a Win-Win

I'm not making this up: Discount Gun Sales, the Seattle-based online superstore for all your mail-order firearm needs, has for sale on its website a Walther P-22 pistol with a polymer frame and custom Cerakote bright pink slide, a deadly accessory offered to the consumer public in recognition of breast cancer awareness. The P-22 Hope edition is actually the second release from Walther devoted to breast cancer awareness and it uses the "Q" model. The company's first pink gun was the P-22 Hope adapted from the standard model and released in coordination with the Susan G. Komen Foundation. According to Discount Gun Sales' website, that model is no longer being "producted."

Hey, who needs grammar when you've got a pink gun and an appreciation of healthy breasts?

In case you're like many a politically correct namby-pamby who think handguns and breast health don't mix, well you're not thinking correctly. It makes perfectly good sense to use an instrument of death to increase awareness of a disease that claims 40,000 lives a year in this country, making it a bit deadlier even than guns, which only claim 30,000. Compared to breast cancer, a pink gun is fairly tame.

My wife survived breast cancer. As a matter of fact, she kicked its ass. Underwent surgery and bounced back like a soldier. Endured 33 bouts of radiation and didn't even slow down. Just imagine the hurt she'd have put on the Big C with a pink gun! I'm telling ya -- she's a tough woman, my wife. Fit her out with a banging pink gat, a pair of black boots with stiletto heels, maybe an eye-patch... Sorry. That's beside the point.

I looked at other weapons vendors online to see if maybe there were pink switchblades or hand grenades with little ribbons in place of pins or whatever and I found nothing to compare to the Walther P-22 Hope edition for sheer bad-ass cause supporting. There are no Livestrong brass knuckles, no Jerry's Kids 30-30s, no World Wildlife Fund billy clubs, nothing at all to signal your support for an important social issue with a $449 toy that can take a life while helping to save it.

I was disappointed to learn that there is no ax-murderer/baby-sitter role-playing game. There is also no such thing as pitted prunes for testicular health, and I think some marketing guru missed the boat on that one.

Only in America, can you take a bright pink .22-caliber handgun to the firing range to show all your buddies that you're an evolved, sensitive citizen who promotes breast cancer awareness and enjoys blowing things to hell and gone.