Tweets
"Thought we were in the clear until my kid came home from school and said the 5 scariest words you can hear in December, 'Can we get an elf?'"
"You want me to cite my sources? Feminine intuition."
The best thing about this season was definitely the fans' hilarious reactions.
"Toddlers be like, 'Excuse me madam that's my emotional support Walmart receipt.'"
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"(Flirting) if i was murdered would u solve my case?"
"10% of marriage is texting each other, 'Where are you?' from inside the same store."
"My father-in-law suggested I bite my breastfeeding baby back so I could 'teach him a lesson.'"
The pontiff suggested that the middle finger, "which is higher than the others, reminds us of something essential: honesty."
A-listers fired back at nasty messages in Jimmy Kimmel's new "Mean Tweets" bit.
"straight men have no concept of ambient lighting, i hooked up with a man with overhead lights you could perform surgery under"