THE BLOG
05/17/2010 02:14 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

I'm In Love With A Guy Named Pad

Your really can't expect anyone to meet all your needs, even someone created by Steve Jobs.

And Pad has issues. Everyone does once you get to know them. With Pad his Wifi power is not so hot. He needs a shot of Viagra to keep the Wifi at level that can satisfy my needs.

He comes in and out so to speak.

But he has other attributes.

He's slick. Boy is he slick and sleek. He glides into your hands right out of his little case and you don't want to let him go. He makes you tremble he's so sexy at that first touch.

And then you press a button and YOWZA you have a type of screen clarity you've never seen before. We are talking shivers down the spine time.

Pad delivers up images with such perfection it takes your breath away. He has an App called Guardian Eyewitness that has photos from around the world. God you can't stop moving from photo to photo to photo, breathless with anticipation for the next glorious image Pad is going to reveal.

He can also take a crappy photo you took and make it look like a Penn, or an Avedon. The guy has pixel power to spare. I never knew I wanted someone with pixel power, but once you've had that kind of pixel power I don't know how you go back.

He also does this thing with Google Earth, he sucks you in - I mean it - swoosh you're embedded inside him in Mumbai, and then you move, by gliding your index finger across his oh-so-smooth surface and he transports you to London and carries you through the streets. What he lacks in Wifi power he makes up for in a certain type of whimsy and glorious, global mobility.

And what is an experience like that without background music? Well Pad can offer you that as well and without those annoying buds dangling from your ears. He also generously shows you the album covers and the print is clear and big and the liner notes are in depth. It's not like with his cousin Touch, who really needs a new name. With Touch you need your glasses and he doesn't always show you what you need to see.

Then of course what would a day with your loved one be without food, mais oui, Urban Spoon and any number of Apps, will show you menus, locals and phone numbers. Pad will feed you as long as you place the call and pay the bill. OK, he's a bit of gigolo, a boy toy, but hell - he has so much going on he can get away with it.

While he may not get it up for Wifi all the time and he may not have Hootsuite, which makes me equally as hot as Pad some days. He does do Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and the rest of the gang so he has all that in his plus column; not to mention those thousands of Apps he and his family are known for.

But he can't store my blogs, nor can I really write them on him.

When he has it up to full capacity I can see my website, but I can't do much with it when I am on Pad. Though when I'm on Pad I get languid and lazy. I lose my drive. I tend to only want what he can give.

It's been three weeks now we've been together.

The first week he was in the closet. I was a bit afraid of him, much like someone you know deep down could have a bad influence on your life. I avoided him for days, though I could hear him calling "You don't know what you're missing lady come on I promise you've never seen pixel like mine."

He was right of course. But I have a full life and unlike Touch I can't take him around town with me; he's too big for that and I think he knows it. And when I'm home, I tend to be working. You can dock him, but I'm not sure I would. I tend to dock Touch, old habits are hard to break. His sound is clear but nothing compared to what you hear when Touch hooks up with Bose. I also still read proper books and work on my computer.

So Pad spends a lot of time alone, charging his battery for when I'm ready to play. He is a patient guy with low expectations.

Like with many relationships no matter how hard you try you cannot predict the journey nor the end. For the time being, I deeply appreciate him for all that he is and if anyone asks me about him I tell them without a moment's hesitation, I'm in love with a boy called Pad. And honey, you've got to come over and get a look at his pixel.