THE BLOG
11/25/2013 05:53 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The No Drama Guide

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When it smells like drama, do you dive in or watch from the sidelines? Many dive in to avoid their own lives; investing in other people's stuff can be a way of life.

Now, we all get upset from time to time. Sometimes, we just need to vent, so we can think clearly.

It's great to be supported while we're blowing off steam. Drama is about the details, venting is about an actual issue. Once you've vented, you can now focus on making a decision or taking action. You move past the disappointment and start feeling better.

Drama keeps you stuck knee deep in inaction, you can't even get past the details to figure out what you want! All you know is that you want Laura to act differently or events to go your way! The focus is only on the feelings, and it's disempowering. People remain stuck in drama for extended periods of time with no change.

Here's a guide to not allowing drama to run your life.

  1. The drama of others. Do you have to engage? Hell no! If someone is feeling bad about something in their life, you don't have to dive in and save them. You also don't need to sacrifice yourself as Mary the do-gooder! You can listen, but don't give advice. No commiserating. This person really doesn't want to feel better, they just want to complain or revel in their soap opera.
  2. The drama of others. Taking it personally. When someone is freaking out, is your first reaction, "What did I do?" Then they tell you it's about someone or something else and you breathe a sigh of relief. It's not an excuse to engage just so you can keep the focus off you. It's an opportunity to again listen, give no advice or just let go.
  3. The drama of others. Protection. You can't protect someone from himself or herself, especially if they only like to communicate in a dramatic arc at all times. You cannot fight their battles, because they'd get mad at you if you did. You can't protect them, because they invite drama, struggle is a way of life.
  4. The drama of others. When it's about you. You have a choice, engage in the drama of poor communication or take a step back. If you take a step back, so you can actually get the picture of what's going on, you have clarity. You can then decide if there's a way to engender solution-oriented communication, if there's not then you can let it go, until the other person can engage without drama or not.
  5. The drama of events. Giving meaning to what happens outside of you. If you define yourself through experiences that happen, you'll always feel untethered. You'll believe that something or someone else has your power and create drama, because you want to feel better. Except you don't. Be mindful of what is really going on and don't make it all about you.
  6. The drama of giving away your power. Being a nice girl/guy. Yeah, this never works; most nice people are privately percolating inside, looking at how ungrateful others are to them. Feeling used, abused and taken for granted. Here's the deal, if you give freely and do nice things, you'll feel good and won't look for validation. If you do it to be liked, loved or approved of, you got some resentment that'll sooner or later turn into some drama. Pay attention to your actions, stay in alignment with what is true for you.
  7. The drama of unspoken truths. Break up, I love you, I cheated, etc. All that we don't say ends up showing up in some dramatic fashion. Drama is not always a freak out, sometimes it's in the silence and distance. Drama is a result of inauthenticity. Unhappiness in a relationship and wanting the other to break up with us, so we create drama to do it, just feels bad, right? So grow some fuzzy ones and speak up, it may cause change and discomfort, but it gives freedom to all.
  8. The drama of self-absorption. Most people are absorbed in their own crap. Everything you do is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. If I believe that someone is doing things in their life, because of me I stay in reaction. If I focus on how someone wronged me in mind, on purpose, I am screwed. Stop. Focus on what you want, not on what others do or don't give you. Seriously, give it up, you'll feel better.
  9. The drama of doing things that are thoughtless, self-serving and that'll purposely hurt another. Drama lover. When you've absolutely no courage to speak the truth (see #7), and act without a conscience, there's a little voice you're ignoring. It's the voice of choice. Conveniently, ignoring it will create drama. You may want to be the innocent and blame another, but the lack of responsibility for your own actions, creates a reality show drama!
  10. The drama of the mind. Over-thinking, blaming and analyzing. Creating fictional story lines about future events with other people is mental masturbation; it's positioning. It says, "I'm going to strategize to keep my inauthentic drama as a focus and hold others accountable to it." Set your thoughts free, you'll never find happiness or a conclusion that feels good, when you spend time creating drama in your inner world. Live in the moment, be here and be real. There are obstacles, but when you focus on "living" and creating what you like, all the drama in your brain stops.

This is just a beginning to starting a fairly drama free life today!

photo credit:erix!