10/18/2013 04:17 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Do You Want a Relationship to Change?

There's only one way to change a relationship and that is through you. If you change your association with the way you currently see your relationship, then it has no choice but to change.

Does this mean your partner changes?

Perhaps, but not by anything you purposely do, unless of course, you must win by getting your mate to do your bidding through manipulation. And at the end of the day, is there ever fulfillment that comes from playing games, pleading or forcing someone to comply?

Not many happy relationships are created through coercion or a one-way highway. If you persist in resisting your mate as he or she is, you in a sense have no power. You're not living in an authentic place with yourself, you are focused on your mate giving in or doing what you want. That leaves you powerless.

Shifting your perception and actions, shifts your power back to you.

If you act in ways, which support love, then you are creating more love. It's always an inside job. You may mistake the meaning of love as coming from acts of kindness from your mate or some other symbol outside of you. Love is something we feel regardless of what someone is or isn't doing, anything other than that is attachment. Love is an action not a reaction.

When you start to connect to real love within you, your entire relationship will change. Meaning if you desire emotional intimacy and it's not happening, then become emotionally intimate with your partner.


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Don't wait for a sign or approval or anything that states,"Tell your deepest truth now." This is not about validation from your mate, it's about your validation of your feelings and who you are, the more you state that honest truth, the more confident you grow.

Whatever is in your mind, whether you feel the relationship is doomed for failure, more problems, or anything negative, ask yourself if that is what you really want? If your heart wants it to work, then be in alignment with your heart. Create that visualization in your mind. When we start changing our thoughts to be ones of reflecting love, we get different results. We get truth.

It doesn't mean your partner will become deeply honest, because he or she may feel there is too much at stake to be truthful. Their choice may be silence or rebuttal in response to your coming clean. Don't let it sway you away from speaking what is real for you.There is relief when you start to speak from love, it feels good and no matter what the outcome is, it never leaves you with a "woulda/shoulda/coulda" feeling!

Speaking your truth is not manipulation. The result may create a shift in direction, which makes it clear on what to do, go forward or part ways. Remember, fear can keep us silent for a long time. It can hold a relationship from moving in any direction -- it will most definitely be in a state of stuck! The hardest thing for people to do is to listen to that inner voice, which says this relationship isn't what they want or they're too afraid to be alone, so they stay silent.

Speaking one's truth does not give anyone control of the relationship. It means you have control of you and you're in alignment with acting, speaking and being in your truth. It changes your perception, because you start to see how outside circumstances don't limit you from being yourself or stop you from loving someone. It's true freedom. Remember, you're not forcing your partner and making he or she into what you want... you're living in your truth. Sooner or later the relationship will change in one direction or another, because you've grown more confident, authentic and courageous.

It is amazing how most people say they want a solid relationship, but refuse to address how their thoughts create all sorts of relationship drama. The opportunity to dig deep and allow the truth to be stated out loud releases everyone from a false sense of relating or obligation.

Even if your voice is shaky and you feel that it may be the end, any way you look at it, remember it is just the beginning, when you say those words that honor you!

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