The first six months of this year were a major balancing act for me.
Good lessons came... ones that brought a whole new idea to presence, balance, abundance, happiness, relaxation and inner peace... oh, and "choice."
The power of presence is clearer to me with each sunrise. Waking slowly, staying in my body with my thoughts and not jumping hours ahead, out of my skin into the thick of the day.
As waking up slowly became more of a habit, I began to realize how many distractions there were coming from outside of my environment and into my phone, computer and invariably, my head.
The realization hit me that I'd allowed all of this to distract me, take me out of presence and into a place where I wasn't really dealing with me. As it shielded me from me (and my true feelings), it created underlying stress.
I started slowing things down in all areas of my life.
I took measure of how I spent my time and if I was truly present, in the moment.
I didn't want my life to pass me by, because I was just not emotionally there. I feel when I look back at certain past experiences, that I was distracted by the unimportant things. Worrying or obsessing about irrelevant crap disconnected me from those precious times, sometimes I feel wistful to truly re-experience them.
When I was younger, I put a lot of energy into appearing okay; I felt shitty a lot and didn't really understand the concept of wholeness (all my great and shitty parts mixed together). I thought, if I looked like my act was together... then I was strong and could gain approval... just like the white picket fence story, et al.
Fast forward to 2014...
As I placed my focus on doing what was in front of me, I also stopped doing things to pull me out of the moment. If I was with other people, I stopped texting, checking Facebook and emailing (unless it was important) and put my attention to either what I'd been avoiding with others (intimacy? engagement? connection? vulnerability? change? etc.), and became even more aware of what my truth (my intuition) was telling me.
I stopped focusing on who might want something from me and focused on what I wanted.
I started leaving my phone home by accident or would forget to check messages, and lost the old feeling that I needed to always have a busy phone or inbox and that if I didn't, something was off. I stopped caring about, always having an escape route out of a moment, which I'd done by getting into a marathon text session, sending off emails or engaging in a lengthy phone call... I just enjoyed the presence of my life, whether I was alone or with others.
I became more active in all areas of my life, taking action to have an experience rather than just talking about it. My days became sweeter, slower and happier.
Perhaps, you can relate to where I was:
Have you ever found yourself checking your phone a million times a day, whether you're with others or alone?
Do you look for things to do on your phone or computer to distract you from your life?
What about getting twitchy when you realize you haven't talked or texted for hours on your phone?
When you're in public, at a party, out with friends, etc., do you text, call or email other people? Have you ever thought of what you're actually avoiding in the environment you are physically in, by these technological distractions (including the TV)? Perhaps, you're avoiding your spouse, kids, your job or taking action for yourself?
Now all of these questions aren't mean as 100 percent of the time, but enough, for you to stop and look at all the ways you may not being present in your life. It was a "wake-up call," to me.
Photo by: Jenny Downing