12/30/2014 02:33 pm ET Updated Mar 01, 2015

The Darndest Things Kids Said This Year

Robert Daly via Getty Images

I thought it’d be fun to start a year-end tradition of sharing the funny things our kids say. Just in case you need a laugh after the holidays. (If you need more than a laugh, like a bit of a reset, try this simple happiness trick.)

The unsigned quotes below are mine. (For a while, I was good at keeping a file of these in Evernote.) Thanks for your great stories!

Are you my mother?

In October, I signed my 5-year-old up for bus pickup in the morning. I was relieved to no longer have to do my hair and makeup and wake my then 27-month-old–to drive my 5-year-old to school.

The first day that I went to get my little one from his crib, he said, "Me don't like you."

I said, "Why? I love you."

He said, "Mommy, go put your makeup on, then come back and get me, then me like you."

So I did it and when I went back in, he studied my face for a minute, then said, "Now me like you!"

–Erin, via email

Um, thanks for thinking of me…

My son was helping make up the weekly shopping list. His items included Oreos, chips, tomato soup and -- surprisingly -- Weight Watchers meals. I told him that he really did not need to eat diet foods. He answered, “I know; those are for you.”

–Carolyn, via email

Talk to me

My toddler’s arm touched the edge of a hot pan while she was helping me cook. I got out the aloe vera.

Her: Are you putting aloe vera on my burn?

Me: Yes, I am.

Her, holding up arm and looking curiously at it: Talk to me, aloe vera. I’m talking to you.

I learn something new every day

Toddler holding both sides of her waist: “I can’t pick myself up!”

From the “You must be 2″ department

2-year-old, trying to snap her shorts: HELP!

Me: (reaching over, snapping shorts)

2-year-old, bursting into tantrum: Raaaaah! I wanted to do it MYSELF!!!

Me: Oh, I thought you asked for help.

2-year-old: Let me do it MYSELF!!!

Me, unsnapping shorts: OK, here you go. Go for it.

2-year-old: Raaaaah! I want my shorts snapped!

Me: You want me to snap your shorts?

2-year-old, crying: YES!!!

Glad I asked

Me: Do you need to go potty?

Her: No. (Runs to potty) I need to go potty.

Asked and answered

Dad to 2-year-old: I have a question for you.

2-year-old: OK, I’ll think about it.

Great name

2-year-old to taxi driver: Hi, what’s your name?

Driver: What’s my name? Ahmed.

2-year-old: Congratulations!

My 2-year-old is smarter than me

2-year-old, out on balcony, peering into pots with no plants: There’s water in this pot. There’s no water in this pot.

Me, looking up to see if empty pot is under balcony overhang: I wonder why that is.

2-year-old: It drained.

Thanks, Lorax

Me: Mommy is not happy with you. Why did you take off your diaper? Why did you make a big mess in your room? Why aren’t you sleeping?

2-year-old: I don’t hopefully know.


My 6-year-old just looked up and said, “What are you doing?” I said, “Writing.” Then he followed, “Oh, I thought you were doing math.” Kinda lovely.

Wendy Sue Swanson @SeattleMamaDoc

Daddy-daughter day

Me: Want to come to work with me and see what I do all day?

4-year-old: No. I don't want to be sad.

James @XplodingUnicorn

Good news first

4-year-old: I drew you a picture! It says “I Love You…”

Me: Thank you! That’s so sweet. I love y–

4-year-old: …It also says “Some People Are Stinky.”

Wendy @maughammom

You better make-believe it

Her: Pretend you’re a fairy.

Me: Let’s pretend we’re not going to pretend for a little bit.

Her: No. Pretend you didn’t say that.

John Kinnear @askdadblog

You’re magic

4-year-old: Mom, did Elsa freeze you?

Me: No, why?

4-year-old: You have white stripes in your hair.

Me: Those are from YOU!

4-year-old: So I’m magic?

Me: Um…sure.

Tracy Morrison @sellabitmum

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