01/16/2011 04:59 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Golden Globes 2011 Live Blog & Streaming Updates (VIDEO)

When I was younger and more foolish, the Golden Globes seemed to me like the poor man's Emmys and the poor man's Oscars going out on a date and getting hammered. They lacked the polish and cachet of the bigger, glitzier shows, and I found it particularly gauche that actors and actresses were allowed to eat during them (I mean, what was this, low-budget European dinner theater?)

Now that I'm older and wiser, with a shortened attention span and the legal ability to drink while watching television, I realize that for those very reasons, the Golden Globes are easily the best awards show ever invented. People get sloppy and rowdy. They slur and curse during their speeches and get stuck in the ladies' room when their category is announced. At least one really bad movie is nominated for Best Picture. All of the biggest stars from screens both big and small are paraded down a red carpet and forced to discuss their starvation diets and tampon-sized purses while Ryan Seacrest mispronounces their spouses' names. For a pop culture junkie like me, this is what heaven feels like.

I've live-blogged awards shows here in the past, but if you're unfamiliar with my style, here's what you can expect:

  • Stream-of-consciousness reactions to -- and judgments of -- anything that appears onscreen, including but not limited to celebrities' clothing, hair/makeup, obscene levels of tooth-whitening and/or clavicle protrusion, and general demeanor
  • Completely biased opinions about certain movies/shows and actors
  • Increasingly drunken come-ons to anyone I find remotely attractive
  • Basic information about who wins what, usually buried within one of the above

Before we start, you might want to refresh your memory as to the nominees... as the evening progresses, I tend to pay less attention to detail, and I don't want you to get lost.

Also, before we do this I'm going to say a little version of grace:

We thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press Association, for this bounty we are about to receive.
May at least one actress be wearing a bedazzled goiter on her sleeve.
May Ricky Gervais get tipsy like he did last year,
And may we be blessed with a live performance by Cher.

OK, people, it's on like Black Swan.

01/16/2011 11:02 PM EST

If you found this even remotely amusing, check my blog later this week for a fashion throw-down.

If you didn't find me remotely amusing, I have more in common with Ricky Gervais than I thought.


Goodnight, America.

01/16/2011 10:58 PM EST

Thanks for sticking with me, guys. I've been sitting here typing for six hours, without the aid of a StadiumGal. This show was particularly painful, right? Hopefully this live-blog was less so.

01/16/2011 10:56 PM EST

The Social Network!

Man, this Facebook thing might really take off now, huh?

01/16/2011 10:55 PM EST

And Best Picture goes to...

01/16/2011 10:55 PM EST

Michael Douglas presents the final Golden Globe, to riotous applause. ("There's gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he quips.)

01/16/2011 10:53 PM EST

Wow, is there only one award left? WE MADE IT, GUYS! Ricky Gervais didn't survive, but we did!

So: Best Picture, Drama. What's it gonna be? I'm going with The Social Network, although The King's Speech or The Fighter could upset.

01/16/2011 10:50 PM EST

They'd be rugged, but unfailingly polite.

01/16/2011 10:49 PM EST

"Firth's Angels" has a nice ring to it, no?

01/16/2011 10:48 PM EST

Firth: "This [award] is all that stands between me and a Harley-Davidson." Quick, someone take it back!

01/16/2011 10:48 PM EST

Jesse Eisenberg is giving the eyes to presenter Sandra Bullock. Too late, Jesse, too late.

Colin Firth wins for The King's Speech! Delightful! Mama C. is very pleased.


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