07/14/2009 11:23 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The First Rule of C Street is You Do Not Talk About C Street

The C Street residents have all agreed they won't talk about their private living arrangements. ["Wamp, housemates hurt by links to scandals," Knoxville News Sentinel, 7/10/09]

New recruits, gather round. We need to lay down some ground rules. After all, this is a former convent and a place of faith.

The first rule of C Street is you do not talk about C Street.

The second rule of C Street is you DO NOT talk about C Street (*cough**Wamp**cough*).

The third rule of C Street is that every game of Edward Fortyhands must have a designated bathroom assistant. We learned this the hard way.

The fourth rule of C Street is that only one affair goes public a time. A good rule of thumb is to wait until a week after Rachel Maddow stops making fun of the last one.

The fifth rule of C Street is no more Gossip Girl drinking games. We are still mourning the desecration of our Blessed Virgin statue after Sen. Ensign suggested tequila shots every time Blair wears a headband.

The sixth rule of C Street is shirts and shoes MUST be worn at all times in common areas. I also have to say underwear although for MOST of us this goes without saying. The person I'm talking about knows who he is.

The seventh rule of C Street is that glee club practice on Wednesday nights is mandatory. When we have guests we like to send them off with "So Long, Farewell" from The Sound of Music. First one to practice each week gets to play Leisel.

The eighth rule of C Street is if this is your first night at C Street, get ready for an ATOMIC WEDGIE!!!!