03/27/2013 01:40 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Justin Bieber: 5 Perfectly Logical Explanations Why He Went Through Airport Security Shirtless

By Julie Miller, Vanity Fair


By Tomasz Stanczak/Agencja Gazeta/REUTERS

On Monday, Justin Bieber was photographed walking through the security gate at Wladyslaw Reymont Airport in Lodz, Poland, shirtless. Rather than criticize the latest bizarre fashion choice made by the 19-year-old singer and star of abdominal-flaunting hospital Instagrams, we've compiled some perfectly logical reasons why he might go through airport security topless in an effort to safeguard Bieber from another round of Internet-generated half-buckled-overalls-at-a-meeting-with-a-head-of-state-style judgment:

  • He was wearing a shirt constructed entirely of metal, belts, and bulky jewelry and, due to T.S.A.-like regulations in Poland, was forced to remove said shirt.
  • He was wearing an oversize wallet as a vest or a deconstructed lap top computer as a shirt and, due to similar regulations cited above, was asked to remove said top.
  • He arrived wearing a human-sized water bottle full of liquid and was forced to discard said bottle--even though he had just spent like6 at an overpriced airport store for it and was feeling ill.
  • He was instructed to take off his clothes by airport officials.
  • It was just unseasonably warm in the airport and/or Poland in general.

These all are justifiable explanations for walking through airport security shirtless! But wait . . . an incoming report from Reuters.

"He wasn't told to take off his clothes," a spokeswoman from Lodz airport told the news organization. "He had no metal objects on him. He's quite skinny so I assume he was probably freezing." Reuters, which apparently did not follow up with the spokeswoman to ask whether Bieber arrived at the airport wearing a comically oversize beverage bottle, eliminates our other hypothesis by confirming that it was about 14 degrees Fahrenheit at the time of the incident. Further confusing us is the fact that Bieber was indeed wearing a shirt, according to Reuters, but took it off "in a car as it drove up to the airport late in the night on Monday."

Sadly, we may just have to categorize this as another unsolvable, arguably unflattering Bieber fashion phenomenon. Either way, a government agency will likely have no qualms about spending thousands of dollars of taxpayer money on a subsequent investigation into the pressing matter. For more analysis on the subject of Justin Bieber's shirtlessness, we direct you to Olivia Wilde's immortal words.

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