So, I don't know if you've heard but there's this movie coming out today, called Sex And The City, and it's, like, about four women, but really just one, and her name is Carrie and she writes about sex. Well, for the 5 people out there who don't actually care about this movie, I wanted to offer you an alternative, or alternately, if you do care about this movie, so much so that you'll read anything remotely SATC-related, well, then this is also for you. (It's a win-win situation!)
So, I don't know if you heard about me, but I'm kind of a big deal, and see, I write this column here, on the Huffington Post that's about spirituality. (Damn. I thought putting it in italics would give it the same scandalous feel as sex, but nope. It didn't work.) Anyway, in honor of Carrie and of everything that she's had "to wonder" about, I thought I'd take you back through everything I had to wonder about.
It all started on a cold and rainy night back in October, when I met a man named Eckhart Tolle, who had "smiling eyes and a mellifluous German accent." Studly, right? Anyway, I wrote about Mr. Eckhart Tolle and how he managed to almost, just almost, spiritually transform me.
And as it turns out, some people liked what I wrote (though, to be fair, a whole lot more people did not like what I wrote) and it was decided that I was to embark on a Spiritual Journey. And not just any spiritual journey because, for one, My Spiritual Journey is capitalized. Also, it's not really so spiritual. It's more of an urban meander through spirituality, and well, whatever it is that I had to wonder about. You might, for clarification, call it something along the lines of "Spirit In The City." (Get it? See where I'm going with this?)
And we were off. I had an inspirational chat with an adorable woman named Sister Wendy, who metaphorically patted me on the head, gave me her blessing, and told me to get started. I dubbed her My Spiritual Guide, she told me to be honest, and I was off.
I'm 98% compatible with Secular Humanists, who believe that deities and their incarnations don't exist/are unimportant, that there is no afterlife, and that salvation can be found in good deeds. Oh, and also - they love the gays! And the poors! And divorce is a-ok! So basically, they're your average Huff Post readers. (Zing!)
I'm also 82% Neo-Pagan, 47% Scientologist (Hollywood, here I come!), and 31% Mormon. But don't worry, I'm only 18% Jehovah's Witness, so I'll totally leave you and your godlessness alone.
But really, what I discovered was that my beliefs and I could not be placed in a box and defined by someone else, which was a realization that would define the rest of my Journey. At the beginning, I thought, perhaps, that this Journey of mine was going to take me to a specific endpoint. Like, after arduous travails, I would wake up one morning and - BAM! - I'd be spiritual. Instead, I've decided that what's important about my Journey is the discussion. That at the very least I'm getting my own spiritual brain working and maybe, just maybe, in the process I got some of your spiritual brains working as well.
It wasn't always fun. One time I made what I thought was mild assertion that a drug-induced hallucination did not count as a Spiritual Transformation. (I also might have called those who disagree "Bongo-playing hippies", but that's neither here nor there.) And apparently that pissed a lot of people off. So, in the interest of beating a totally dead horse, let me just clarify by saying that I don't have a problem with drugs (my enormous disclaimer at the beginning was really just a defensive maneuver) and if you want to trip your way to heaven, go on and have at it. Far be it from me to judge (except that judging, really, is what I do best.)
The closest I got to a real spiritual awakening (twice!) involved Taoism -- both the Tao of Pooh and the Dao of my dog. So, really, what it told me was that I loved animals. Besides that, and like Carrie, I just wondered about things. A lot of things. I wondered about Scientology, I wondered about the Pope and what on earth he does, and I wondered who on earth would pay to drink Spiritual Water.
So, I guess the point is that though I haven't necessarily become more spiritual, at least I've thought about it. And in thinking about it, I learned that thinking about spirituality is, in and of itself, spiritual. Because, while there are those of you out there who spend every waking moment being a better person than I, at least I dedicate a solid hour a week (and sometimes even two!) to thinking about my Inner Life. And that's more than I did before I started! Also, if I have one thing to say for myself, it's that I did it without judging and with an open mind. OK, that's a total lie, but we're going to go ahead and skip to the part you have all been waiting for with bated breath...
Yes, this column did involve sex. A little bit. Namely, the Top 5 Sexiest Spiritual Icons and, of course, my personal favorite, the aptly titled: OMFG - Let's Talk About Sex. An excerpt, if I may. It begins:
Somewhere between the immaculate conception and Pope Benedict XVI's US tour, God has worked his way into the bedroom.
I, for one, did not see it coming, nor did I see it happen. But that's the way it is with God, I suppose. One day he's frowning down upon you for thinking naughty thoughts about your catechism teacher, and the next he's pressed up against the back of "Oh-My-Fucking". Lord almighty.
If that's not a lead in, then I don't know what is. And on that note -- just go ahead and check out the rest of my journey thus far. You can find all the posts (and then some) here.
Or, if I haven't managed to convert you and you're eyes just glazed over the moment I tried to italicize "spirituality," well, then, at least I gave Sex And The City some free advertising. Go see the movie. Just not the Sunday afternoon showing at Kips Bay Theater. Or, if you do, at least say hi! I'll be the girl by herself with the mega-bucket of popcorn and a magnum of Diet Coke. Just don't expect me to share. I'm not that spiritual.