08/02/2013 10:57 am ET Updated Oct 02, 2013

10 Things to Not Say at Your Next Mammogram


This Monday was the start of National Mammogram Week. OK, no it wasn't, but wow, this would be so timely if it was! But even though it's not, it's always a good time to remind each other to go get one.

And, once you hit the big 4-0, it's covered by insurance. Bonus! However, much like men fear their first prostate exam, a lot of women worry needlessly about their first breast press. But trust us, it's really no more painful than getting X-rays at the dentist. The only difference being that, at the dentist, one is normally not topless. (We said "normally." Some dentists are super cute.)

Before you go get your boobs checked, here's a little warning: If you are like us and you get a little nervous right before someone puts your breast in a vise, you may want to deal with your anxiety by trying to joke around. But if strangers in the waiting room aren't big on conversation, X-ray technicians are even less enthusiastic about attempts at humor. Here are some jokes we tried on our less -than-amused mammogram tech that bombed. So save yourself the embarrassment and just keep quiet. You're welcome.

1. Is the exam "pants optional"?

2. Let's establish a safe word.

3. Is it possible to do this by candlelight?

4. Would you mind if I tape this for my web series?

5. Before we begin, I'd like to call my lawyer.

6. Do you offer professional retouching?

7. I'd feel so much more comfortable in the back of a Chevy Malibu.

8. The way you know your way around a boob tells me that you've probably done prison time, Megan.

9. Be sure to let me know if my glitter pasties are in the way of the camera.

10. This counts as a SAG credit, right?

Now go get your mammogram, ladies!