11/24/2014 02:02 pm ET Updated Jan 24, 2015

Surviving Thanksgiving

If you are one of those amazingly fortunate people who loves the holiday and has a wonderful family that never disagrees, gets drunk, or otherwise acts like an ass, then please stop reading. You have important holiday preparations, and you just won't understand this post.

For the rest of you... I only started celebrating Thanksgiving in 1994 when I drove through an ice storm to surprise my grandads for Thanksgiving dinner with him and his wife at the community center in their trailer park at Lake Texhoma. I stopped celebrating Thanksgiving again in 1999, a month after my he died.

For me, I don't understand why we spend one day as an excuse to overeat, watch football, and pretend to be thankful. I am thankful every day. My family would get drunk, try to one up each other, and often end in a fight (one such fight made the family stop talking to each other for five years!). That's not my idea of fun.

Over the years, I have learned a few tricks to make your Thanksgiving awesome:

1. Start the day with an orgasm. Doesn't matter if you don't have a partner. Elevate your oxytocin levels and when the big climax happens, think, "I choose happy." Put on your favorite music while getting ready. Call up your best friend and tell them all the things you love about them (the goofier, the better) and how grateful you are for them. Now, you're ready to face the zoo.

2. There's usually one pessimistic Percy or miserable Molly. Your job the whole day when you hear them speak is to send them an energetic hug -- big 'ol full body, earth shaking, lifted off the ground kind of hug -- and imagine them having that early morning orgasm. They'll feel the hug, the visual will make you smile. The minute you smile, the good chemicals in your body start flowing and it's like a mini-dose of Xanax. Yes, please.

3. There's always the jackass. Namaste this mother f-er to death. Namaste: the God or the light in me bows and honors the God or the light in you and when we do this we are one. Okay, here's the deal. You're NOT namaste-ing the jackass, but the hurt, wounded little kid inside the adult moron. You do this and you shift the energy. Imagine little, tiny, tiny arrows of love from a itty bitty bow being shot into this persons heart, softening it. This can get really, really funny in your mind, so be careful not to start cracking, lest jackass thinks your laughing at him/her and picks a fight or your mother/spouse kicks you under the table and gives the evil eye!

4. Parents. Oh, we love them. We loathe them, If you have that parent, grandparent, whatever that just makes you feel small, here's your sentences you repeat over and over until you feel your blood pressure return to normal levels.

I forgive myself for being affected by you.

Thank you for the DNA that gave me my life.

I am sorry I ever wasted a moment anything less than joyous as a result of your words and actions..

I love you because somewhere in there, you're lovable... and so am I!

Release all attachment to outcome because you're saying it for YOUR sanity. Just keep repeating, probably with a namaste in-between, until you can breathe, really breathe. I promise it will help.

The end of the day comes, are you're taking the leftovers and running like hell to get away from these people? Who knows, these four little tips might just make it the most memorable and pleasurable Thanksgiving to date. You may even hope for a repeat at the December holiday you celebrate. Okay, we won't get that carried away. It will make a difference and at least when you walk out calmly and soberly, ready to end the day the way it started (wink).

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Wendy Reese, MA, is coach, author, speaker, and teacher who is passionately committed to helping visionaries, change agents, and healers be whole. With over two decades in the health and fitness field and 13 years teaching yoga, she brings a holistic approach to her work. She intuitively bridges woo-woo and practical guidance in a no nonsense, yet fun manner. You can find more on Wendy at, twitter @wholebeinginc, and G+ and Facebook