11/04/2014 05:47 pm ET Updated Jan 04, 2015

Transforming Your Emotional Bully

Caiaimage/Robert Daly via Getty Images

I have been working on a new course integrating three of my passions: yoga off the mat, archetypes and tantra yoga with the sole purpose of building a foundation of wholeness. I see in my communities, students and even myself, these nagging energetic hangnails that a. keep us separate from source, and b. keep us from balance, strength, flexibility, surrender and opening to grace.

I went exploring my own hangnails. Here's what I discovered. We all share four common archetypes: child, victim, saboteur and prostitute. Each can be fabulous guides for our truest essence and staying on our path as divine, infinite beings or they can get shadowy and bring all kinds of issues that need a lot of love in order to heal.

Here's an interesting way to get started on the healing journey. Have a dinner party for your archetypes. You and they are the only guests. Give each -- archetype -- child, victim, saboteur, and prostitute) -- time to talk about safety and security, what it means to them, when they shifted from light to shadow and acting out of fear. Give each a good amount of time to talk. Interview them. Ask the hard questions. Ask the childish questions. I find it is easiest to free write and allow their responses to come through my pen to the page. You may chose to color/paint/draw, to simply listen in your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

See, what happens when we don't give them a voice, we resist and repress. Ever try to hold an inflated beach ball under water? You might succeed, but any lessening in downward force and that ball is springing back up. Your emotions do the same thing.

You can do whatever you want with what your archetypes say, just listen with gratitude. It doesn't matter if you choose to continue to believe them, you simply have to acknowledge they're existence and be willing to love them as they are. That will allow the other pieces of yo who are too afraid to walk with the archetypes to start to accept them. Kinda like when that bully finally fesses up and shares some vulnerability and the kid everyone likes goes up and extends acceptance, before long everyone is playing with the former bully and all is well. As long as the bully is not "heard" and seen for the truth, it keeps being a bully.

Your willingness to be with and love yourself wholly is often the missing piece that keeps pulling you back into the tidal wave of energetic stuckness. This does take some work and a whole lot of commitment. I promise you, though, the journey is worthwhile.

I would love to know if you try this little exercise and what you discover. Leave a comment below. I read and respond to them all.

Wendy Reese