WHAT YOU NEED TO PLAY:
•4 taxpayers: 1 rich white guy banker-type wearing a suit. (Bank Boy). 2 ordinary folks wearing jeans, 1 in a blue work shirt, the other in a white shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled up (the Jeans) and 1 person wearing clothes that look like they were involved in some sort of sewage treatment plant engagement ring retrieval operation. Belt and shoelaces safely secured (Rags).
•1 living room with a large-screen HDTV tuned to C-SPAN.
•1 shot glass per person. Everybody furnishes own, placing it on a coffee table in front of TV. Bank Boy gets first choice for use during game. White shirt picks next, then blue shirt. Bank Boy takes last shot glass as well, and Rags either rents it from him, finds a replacement or drinks out of own cupped hands.
•Everybody antes up 20 bucks. Cash. Except Bank Boy, who tosses in an I.O.U.
•2 cooked packages of Vienna Beef Chicago style hot dogs in middle of table with butter grilled buns and pickles and tomatoes and onions and condiments and that weird neon green relish on the side.
•1 bottle of bourbon.
•A large stash of beer in cans on ice. Rags gets whatever is on sale, like Heileman's Old Style Light. Bank Boy gets whatever import he wants. The Jeans get domestic, but must pay for all the beer, bourbon and hot dogs.
RULES OF THE GAME
1. Every time Barack H. Obama says "Democratic leadership," the first person to stop laughing is exempt from drinking 3 shot glasses of beer.
2. When the president says the State of the Union is good, but could be better, the last person to eat a fully accoutered hot dog has to drink 1 shot of bourbon.
3. If either the vice president or the Speaker of the House gets caught napping on camera, last person to sing the chorus from "Wake Up, Little Susie" has to drink 4 shots of beer. If Senator Robert Byrd ever appears awake, everybody has to drink 6 shots of beer.
4. As soon as Mister Obama starts a defense of cap and trade, everybody must drink a whole beer then throw the empty can at the television. If anybody hits Harry Reid in the head, everyone else has to drink 3 shots of beer.
5. Whenever Barack uses the phrase "economic stimulus package," the last person to slap the side of his/her forehead with a hot dog has to drink 2 shot glasses of beer.
6. If Obama speaks of how he sympathizes with the electorate's fundamental desire for "change," the last person to cough "Hack!" must drink 3 shots of beer.
7. Every time the Chief Executive winks and/or points at Michelle, all four players swordfight with hot dogs. The last person with an intact weenie does not have to eat an entire shot glass full of that weird neon green relish.
8. If the President relates a touching heartfelt story of some poor unfortunate denied health care, Rags gets to kick everybody else once. Twice, if the subject of the anecdote is in the audience. Three times, if he/she is sitting next to an astronaut.
9. Whenever Obama makes a reference to his faith getting him through tough times, last person to fall to their knees and shout "Hallelujah!" has to drink 1 shot of bourbon.
10. The first time Barack H. Obama mentions bipartisanship, the last person to pretend to faint has to drink 3 shots of beer.
•Before the speech, everyone writes down who they think is giving the Republican response. Anybody who correctly identifies the person doesn't have to watch it.
•Bank Boy takes home all the money and the Jeans has to pay off his I.O.U.
•Leftover bourbon, beer and hot dogs go home with Rags after he/she finishes washing the dishes.
Political Comic Will Durst writes sometimes. This is certainly one example.
Catch Durst in the premier of his new one man show "The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion" as part of the Solo Mio festival at the Cinnabar Theater in Petaluma. cinnabartheater.org. 707.763.8920.