THE BLOG
01/14/2015 12:27 pm ET Updated Mar 16, 2015

Come at Me, (Frat) Bro!

I was never really a frat guy. Fortunately, at Wesleyan (where there are less than five frats, which are currently inactive while they are being forced to co-educate) I never had to be. I say this in direct counterpoint to many of my friends from Texas who go to schools where frat culture is a huge force on campus, and not being in the Greek system cuts one off from a large aspect of on-campus socializing. As a result of this, a few of my friends are in frats, and as far as I know, they seem to be upstanding pillars of their community, with nary a roofied drink or dead pledge in their wake. All of that said, fraternities have always made me at least a little uncomfortable, and Total Frat Move's "Why Hazing is Good For You" has revealed to me exactly why that is: Even if fraternities aren't directly responsible for every instance of sexual assault and inebriated death on a college campus, they engender an attitude that is no longer permissible in the 21st century.

Now, I already know that most fraternity members have stopped reading this article, claiming I don't understand them, ("He called them frats, bro, they're called fraternities.") but I would implore them to put down their beer bongs and read further. Guys, you're not allowed to act like this anymore. Calling people who disagree with you "low T liberal dudes and feminist carbon copies" isn't really going to get your point across. I know that this was something published on one of your websites, and you may even claim that it was all in good fun, but this has become (at least on my Facebook feed) a rallying cry for all "disenfranchised" brothers to get behind, and is currently the most cogent defense of an incredibly sensitive issue in the zeitgeist.

So with that in mind, a couple of pointers to one Hans Dix.

1. Do some research -- According to Manfred Max-Neef, Antonio Elizalde, and Martin Hopenhayn the basic needs of humans are subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity, and freedom. You got kind of close with "food, shelter, sex... [and] male camaraderie," but you missed a few, and I'd hate to make assumptions, but I'm not sure if sex in the way you mean it would fall under affection or creation (maybe leisure?).

2. You should also learn what fallacies are, specifically the No True Scotsman Fallacy, because when you claim that hazing isn't "homoerotic stuff you hear rumors about," [or] "Kids who decided to go rogue and murder entire handles of vodka by themselves before passing out and eventually dying in a pool of their own vomit," you are being a little intellectually dishonest. When one googles "rules of hazing," there isn't some sort of inter-fraternal book of rules as to what is and isn't okay to do. Those rules seem to only be given to fraternities by universities, and only in the wake of the discovery of the above. In fact, hazing is illegal according to the Inter-Fraternity bylaws (the closest thing I could find to a rule book, but few fraternities subscribe to this council). This is not like when most groups claim that its radicals are misinterpreting their teachings, because aside from a vague sense of brotherhood, there doesn't seem to be any unifying teachings in fraternities, so that makes all instances of hazing equally legitimate interpretations.

3. Frats are not the gateway to tradition. By comparing chugging beers and doing wall-sits to killing lions and covering someone in bugs, you are not adding to your argument, but showing us exactly why, as a society, we have stopped these kinds of trial by fire. They were dangerous, stupid, and got people killed. Well, things are much better now, except that they are dangerous, stupid, and getting people killed. Furthermore, there are simply many other ways for men to get camaraderie outside of a fraternity.

4. Pay attention to detail, because if you don't, it can often distract from your point. That goes double for references to cavemen, when you are trying to present yourselves as something other than Neanderthal. Also, comparisons of a fraternity credo to a legitimate religion (Hare Krishnas) and implying that "40 girls in tight, sexy dresses all around you... cheering" are a prize earned by completing "Hell Week" merely tell me what I was already thinking -- that you are the relic of a bygone era.

Your latest offering of a safe, legal (and one could even argue neutered) version of hazing is too little too late. The tides have turned against you, the game is up. Article 15 of the bylaws of the inter-fraternity council condemns it; the country is tired of it. It's over, it's just a matter of the dominoes of each individual university running out of patience.

Unfortunately, this sometimes comes at the expense of someone being raped or killed.

One final note to author Hans Dix, though I doubt this is your real name. You call men not in fraternities "a group of limp-wristed Instagram and Twitter addicted vaginas with testosterone levels lower than Liberace on an all soy diet," but you hide behind a fake name and Twitter account. You don't even have the conviction to say the word you really want to say because maybe someone told you it was offensive. Well, it isn't the use of the word that is offensive, it is the context of its usage.