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March 4, 2015

62 Takeaways From CPAC 2015, Ranked

Any time a thing happens in politics, the media has "Takeaways" about that thing. And whenever the media has a bunch of Takeaways, Eat The Press gathers all of those Takeaways in one place, so that you can sate your yawning hunger for Takeaways. This past weekend, the Beltway played host to the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, which, by Eat the Press' count, resulted in 62 hot, delicious Takeaways. Here is a definitive ranking of all of them.

BUPKIS!

Netanyahu
AP

Obama: Offered No 'Viable Alternatives' To Iran Deal... Did Speech Do More Harm Than Good?

THE END: House Caves In Homeland Security Fight With Obama

House Funding Dhs
Chip Somodevilla via Getty Images

More Politics
Walker Drama.. Graham Cheap Shot.. O'Malley Out.. Bombshell Report Disputed.. Pelosi: 'Near Tears'

Alabama Supreme Court Blocks Same-Sex Marriages

Roy Moore Alabama
Matthew Cavanaugh via Getty Images

REPORT: NBC Shakeup Could Open The Door For Brian Williams' Return

Brian Williams Nbc
ASSOCIATED PRESS

More Media
TV News' Diversity Problem.. PR KILLING Journalism.. First Look TELL-ALL.. 'SNL' ISIS Skit..

Matt Yglesias: American Democracy Is Doomed

Washington Burning
Library of Congress

Massive Operation Is The Most Critical And Complex Battle With ISIS Yet

Tikrit
ASSOCIATED PRESS

More WorldPost
ISIS' Marriage Trap.. China's 'Inconvenient Truth'.. NFL Stars In Turkey!.. Manufacture Desire.. 6,000+

Georgia Halts Executions Over Problems With Lethal Injection Drug

Georgia Execution
ASSOCIATED PRESS

More Crime
Mommy Blogger.. 'Baby Boxes'.. Cop Arrested For Soliciting Women.. Kids In Cage.. Adderall Arrest

Feds Raid Alleged 'Maternity Hotels' In California

Maternity Tourism
FREDERIC J. BROWN via Getty Images

The Major Scott Walker Story You May Have Missed

Scott Walker
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Target To Cut Thousands Of Jobs

Target Logo
ASSOCIATED PRESS

More Business
Courting Disaster.. Big Costco Change.. Best Business States.. Aetna's CEO Mantra.. Apple Pay Scam

Ferguson Police Department May Fold Due To DOJ Probe

Ferguson Police Line
JOSHUA LOTT via Getty Images

Feds: Cops Routinely Discriminate Against Black Residents

Officials Say Man Killed By LAPD Was A Convicted Bank Robber

Lapd Shooting
Facebook/Anthony Blackburn

JetBlue Passenger Found Hiding In Cockpit

Jetblue Airlines
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Gender Is Actually Very Relevant In Tech, Despite What Marissa Mayer Says

Marissa Mayer
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Did He Lie To Congress? Bibi's Speech Fact-Checked

Netanyahu
Win McNamee via Getty Images

What Prominent Israelis Thought Of Netanyahu's Speech

Medical Marijuana Trial Ends With Acquittal On All But 1 Charge

Harvey Family Marijuana
Harvey family

Student Debt Rebellion Gains Steam In Congress

Maxine Waters
Bill Clark via Getty Images

Young Scientists Face The Worst Research Funding In 50 Years

Mad Scientist
H. Armstrong Roberts via Getty Images

College's Horror Stories Show How Serious Sexual Assault Problem Is

Grinnellprotest
Courtesy of Dissenting Voices

Hillary Clinton Hints Again At Presidential Run

Hillary Clinton
Justin Sullivan via Getty Images

Scott Walker Pumps Up Anti-Abortion Cred By Backing 20-Week Ban

Scott Walker
ASSOCIATED PRESS

NFL Player Announces He's Donating His Brain To Science

Steve
ASSOCIATED PRESS

More Sports
Company Disses NCAA.. Durant Left Hanging.. 'I'll F**king Kill You'.. D-Rose's New Inspirational Video

Winter's Wrath Continues

Nws
NWS

Lindsey Graham Took A Cheap, Sexist Shot At Nancy Pelosi

Lindsey Graham
MANDEL NGAN via Getty Images

Father Accuses 'Jihadi John' Of Being A 'Dog' And 'Terrorist'

Jihadi John
DANIEL SORABJI via Getty Images

How 'The Joy Of Cooking' Explains The Absurdity Of The Obamacare Lawsuit

Supreme Court Justices
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Evangelical Churches Face Mounting Struggles Over Including Gay People

Evangelical
Courtesy of GracePointe Church

Tennessee Bill Bans Nonexistent Muslim 'No-Go Zones'

Tennessee Capitol Building
Visions of America via Getty Images

Bombshell New York Times Report On Hillary Clinton Email Account Disputed

Hillary Clinton
Justin Sullivan via Getty Images

Government Leaves Native American Schools In Abysmal Condition

Bunkbed
Government Accountability Office

Marathon Bombing Trial Begins: Survivors Remember The Day Everything Changed

Boston Strong
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Where Are They Now?

GOP Sets Up Another Clash With Obama Over Iran Deal

Mitch Mcconnell
Win McNamee via Getty Images

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About This Photo Of A Baby Weasel Flying On A Woodpecker...

Woodpecker Weasel
Martin Le-May

More Green
Koch Brothers.. Pollution Fight.. Doggie Duo.. Eiffel Tower.. Chris Christie Deal.. Arctic Oil.. Flying Animal

Does Your Beer Make You Look Snooty?

Craft Beer
pyzata via Getty Images

More HuffPost Live
Congress Reacts To Netanyahu.. Herpes Vaccine.. Food Poisoning Causes.. Banks Fear Attack

Study On Average Penis Size Redefines 'Normal'

Average Penis Length
RapidEye via Getty Images

More Science
Smallest Form Of Life.. Long-Lost Fortress Found.. Hawking's Big Warning.. New View Of Deep Space

Kelly Clarkson Clarifies Her Thoughts On The Word 'Feminist'

Kelly Clarkson
Jo Hale via Getty Images

More Entertainment
Maggie Leaving 'Downton'?.. 'HoC' Breakouts.. Britney Mishap.. 'Community' Trailer.. Kanye

Canadians Are 'Spocking' Their Fivers And It's Totally Legal

Spock 5 Bill Canada
Facebook

Mt. Everest Is Covered In Human Poop, And That's a Problem

Everest Summit
JTB Photo via Getty Images

More Weird
Kentucky Smells.. Weed In Sour Cream.. Unsurprising DWI Arrest.. Man Fails To Steal Plane

STUNNING

Lily James
Getty Images

More Style
Ms. Wintour Unplugged.. Neon Nails.. Say It Ain't Khlo, E!.. We <3 Milan Fashion Week.. Blackface Again!

Basketball Player Comforts Child Spectator After Court Brawl

Spain Basketball Brawl
ACB / YouTube

The Epic Battle Of Dogs vs. Imaginary Doors

Dogs Vs Imaginary Doors
YouTube

More Good News
NYPD Honors Girl.. Tiny Home, Giant Journey.. Final Salute For K-9.. Deputies Save Boy's Birthday

Why You Should Have More Sex With Your Spouse

Couple Sex
MilosStankovic via Getty Images

More Weddings
Wedding Dress 101.. #TheDress Was Mother Of Bride.. Wife Hates Joking.. What All Guests Want..

Jimmy Kimmel Fires Back Over Vaccination Mean Tweets

Kimmel
ABC

More Comedy
Funny Texting Pranks.. John Oliver Rant.. SNL Cut This 'Fifty Shades' Sketch.. #WeaselPecker Meme

Adorable Photo Proves Grandpa Ozzy Is No Longer 'The Prince Of Darkness'

Ozzy
Instagram/Jack Osbourne

More Fifty
Warren Buffett's Secret To Long Life.. How To Retire Abroad.. Top Sex Toys.. Judi Dench.. Melanie Griffith

Wizards Apologize For Odd Black History Month Campaign

Kingleonsis
Washington Wizards

4-Year-Old With Terminal Cancer FaceTimes With Taylor Swift

Jalene Salinas
Facebook

More Celebrity
Carrie's Cute Baby.. OOPS, Brit!.. Kim K's Piano Lessons.. Hi There, DJ Jon.. Gaga's Love Advice

America Ferrera Takes Hollywood's Lack Of Diversity ‘Extremely Personally'

America Ferrera
Andy Kropa /Invision/AP

More Latino Voices
Police Killings Of Latinos.. A Brief Oscar History.. Sean Penn Fail And How Iñárritu's Response

Watch Out For This Common Happy Hour Pitfall

Drinking With Friends
Uwe Krejci via Getty Images

More Healthy Living
Prioritizing Sleep.. Part-Time Job.. Make Better Decisions.. Toothbrushing Mistake.. YouTube Yoga

3 Vile Myths Food Companies Are Trying To Sell You

Farm Corn
Emilio Ereza via Getty Images

Squirrels Playing With Snowballs Could Not Be Any Cuter

Squirrel
Vadim Trunov/Solent News

Baby Tortoises Born On Galapagos For The First Time In A Century

Pinzon Tortoise
ASSOCIATED PRESS

A Reminder That Race Is Made Up

Twins
WorldWide Features/Barcroft/Landov

More Black Voices
'Black Future Month'.. Kid Rock vs. Beyhive.. Locs.. Mo'Nique Talks Being 'Blackballed'

Curt Schilling Gets Twitter Troll Who Terrorized His Daughter Fired

Curt Schilling
ASSOCIATED PRESS

NBA Dancer Makes Backward Half-Court Shot Like A Pro

Halfcourt
YouTube

A Simple Exercise That Can Help You Be Happier In 4 Days

Woman Happier
Ezra Bailey via Getty Images

More OWN
Liz Taylor's Topless Pics.. Crazy Easy Dinners.. Hoda's Fashion Confession.. Healthy Pancake Recipe

Nuns Explain What The Vow Of Chastity Really Means

Nun
Studio-Annika via Getty Images

More Religion
#MeetAMuslimFamily.. Churches Grapple With Gay Members.. Controversial Idaho Hindu Prayer

Babka Recipes That Are Braided Full Of Deliciousness

Babka
The Bojon Gourmet

More Taste
Fried Egg Font.. Bacon Crackers.. Does A Wine's Age Matter.. Mint Chocolate Desserts.. Pancakes

9 Places That Are Surprisingly Cheap This Year

Santiago Chile
Walter Bibikow via Getty Images

More Travel
Colorful Spots.. Cuba To Dos.. Nuclear Theme Park.. Carhenge.. Best Beach EVER.. Airport Drinking 101

Is This The Youngest Same-Sex Kiss In TV History?

Kiss
YouTube

More Gay Voices
Gay Men And Eating Disorders.. Texas Gets Things Wrong On Marriage.. Butch Lesbian Problems

See The First Photos Of Joseph Gordon-Levitt As Edward Snowden

Joseph Gordonlevitt
John Sciulli via Getty Images