Gretchen Carlson's Gag Reflex

You know, your anchorpersons are only human, and this was never more evident than this morning, on Fox and Friends. As Steve Doocy tacked his way into a story about a logger who cut off his own leg with a pocketknife, co-anchor Gretchen Carlson--Fox's Nordic version of Kyra Phillips--pre-emptively left her perch, knowing that the grisly details would give her the agita.

Of course, in so doing, it was difficult for her colleagues to focus on the story itself. We hope Fox managed to get Carlson's ordeal on a separate camera--a skilled producer can add some image effects and ominous music and create one of those "Tales of Survival" stories about the whole incident. In this case, it would even be a "Tale of Surviving a Tale of Survival!" So meta!

Of course, once that was over, Doocy segued into coverage of Paris Hilton, which probably caused the gorge to rise in the throats of viewers. Then, Hilton got unexpectedly sprung from the clink, and, brother, it...was...ON! Sweet Mary in the morning! Kyra referred to CNN as "the most trusted name in Paris news." Contessa Brewer bothered Pat Buchanan with questions about Hilton. And did you see that CNN International showed footage from an affiliate that had a helicopter hovering over Hilton's house? A helicopter! Oh, CNN International...we used to think of you as that serious-minded news organization, suffused with European vim and worldly gravitas. Alas, I think we've all lost a little bit of our innocence today.

Oh well, congratulations on getting out of jail early, Paris! It seems to us that you served your time like some sort of candle in the wind that everyone really, really hated.

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