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Campaign AdWatch: Color Us Seduced!

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Hillary Clinton's latest ad leads with a lot of bad news: we're at war, the economy is tanking, nobody has healthcare. But then something interesting happens. "And we can solve them," Clinton coos breathily, adding, "Men and women whispered their health care problems to me." By the same she softly offers, "And I would like to be that President," you're thinking, "Were those eyes always that piercing?" And with the fierce audacity of "Yowza!" you realize, "Dude! Hillary Clinton is so into me right now!"

Yeah, it's quite the come on. And that lighting! The color scheme! Brown coat and blonde mane setting off that blemish-free face. Clinton has arrived in Iowa on a cloud of MILFy satin to save America from "cowboy diplomacy." Mitt Romney pays a team of make-up artisans to keep him looking like Dorian Gray, and he never looks this good. This is the sort of craftsmanship that could have greatly benefitted a Ron Paul or a John McCain. I don't know who did Clinton's work, but if Fred Thompson had commissioned this makeup artist from day one, his campaign might have benefitted from him not looking like a wrinkled, parched-lipped amphibian from another planet.

The pitch closes with Clinton asking us to "stand with her for one night." Oh, my stars and garters! We get it, Senator. Are you sending that husband of yours to New Hampshire tonight? Will you make me breakfast in the morning? That "pie and coffee" you mentioned sure sounds yummy!