Marriage, Minus The Monogamy

This is one of the saddest damn things I have ever read.

It started with both of them disrespecting her boyfriend, and enjoying the feeling. Disrespecting themselves wasn't a huge leap.

I don't for the life of me understand why they have any respect for marriage. I think it is fair to say it's not for them. One of them will wander off. It's just a matter of time.

Sad sad sad.

I know two couples who are in "open marriages." It seems to work very well for one couple. For the other, not so much. As with monogomous couples, no two relationships are really alike, so don't apply the rules that work (or don't) for you to the entire universe.

And remember,it ain't cheating if you define the rules of the game and stick to them. But if you've got an extra king or queen up your sleeve, you're eventually gonna get caught.

Cheating and open relationships (or polyamory) are not the same thing. All the negative examples commenters are citing are about people acting without integrity and purposefully hurting their partner by cheating. Such behavior has nothing to do with actively open relationships. Polyamory is about equality- about treating every human being as an entity unto him/herself, without the expectation that another person somehow "completes" the other. Thus, choices are made based on the open communication of the partners.

People choose to get married for all kinds of reasons- and love is one of the best reasons. Loving one person doesn't have to mean never allowing yourself to love others and telling people who SHOULD and SHOULD NOT get married is cruel and myopic. There is no rule book as to what makes a marriage "real." If two consenting adults want to enter into a marriage while continuing to have relationships and/or sex with others, who the hell cares? By being honest with one another, they can keep their relationship healthy, loving and respectful. I know a number of couples who are in open relationships, and I assure you, they are the happiest relationships I've ever seen. Everything is discussed, communicated and shared. Respect, love and honesty are paramount.

People who are threatened by open marriages seem to have a very limited idea of what love is and the potential of human compassion.

Oh, I wanted to say one other thing in addition to my last post:

Stories like this, that give credibility to ridiculous schemes and unfairly aim to discredit the concept of a solid relationship, are very irresponsible. All it does is feed into the public perception that marriage can never work and gives ammunition to conservatives.

This article and the author made me cringe - as well as all the people who responded with comments that applauded this article and what it had to say.

I agree with the sentiment that someone wrote: Why do people feel the need to reinvent the wheel?

The author explains how marriage doesn't work for him and how this form of relationship is great. And others who responded have the same cynical view of marriage.

Marriage probably doesn't work for many people for a variety of reasons, none of which have to do with the concept of marriage and all of which have to do with those specific people.

How does the open relationship work anyway? "Honey, I'm going on a date tonight. Don't wait up."

I'm just waiting for the follow up story that explains how she ended up leaving the author and started a new "open" relationship/marriage with the next guy that she was attracted to.

I Googled the author, Dan Eldridge- check out his MySpace page. He looks miserable. Haggard and frowning in every picture. I wonder if he was like that before he entered this strange relationship, or after.

I'd love to see the greeting card designed that says "Congratulations on your non-exclusive partnership and holding company!" I'm much older than the guy who wrote this article and I knew a lot of people who got pretty messed up by open relationships in the 70s and early 80s. Here are reasons why I don't think they work:

1. It's natural for humans to want the object of their love to be exclusive. That's why there is so much poetry and blues music. Humans tend to be psychologically possessive of the objects of their affection. Right or wrong, that's just the way we're wired -- usually. I, personally, have never met anyone who was really in love with the person they had the open relationship with -- unless they were begrudginly going along with their partner who wanted the arrangement.

2. STDs, anyone? Even something as seemingly harmless as chlamydia can end up in cervical cancer. A dear friend had a hysterectomy at 38 because of this disease that, at the time of infection, seemed like just a hassle side effect of a one night stand. Even a harmless make-out session can get you stuck with cold sores for life -- or HSV-1 genitally if the make-out session progresses into something heavier. 1 in 4 under 30 have genital herpes, so just do the math for your odds. Then there is HIV. Many young adults have never lost someone to the disease and think it can't touch them. 1 in 30 young people in metropolitan areas are HIV positive so when you go outside a relationship to satisfy your own needs you risk a lot more than just making your primary partner a little jealous. Casual sex is a public health issue.

3. Pregnancy happens. Is the author of this article going to be involved in "open parenting" if someone gets pregnant? And what if his wife/holding company partner gets knocked up and it's not his baby?

It is absurd to think that one human can automatically meet the sexual needs of another. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So then the alternative, to some type of open relationship, is a lifetime of unrequited need, sorrow and eventually deep, unbridled resentment.
Way to go. Check the diviorce stats lately?
Pax, Steve

Well, flip it around for a moment: if you have two people who love each other, are committed to one another, live together and intend to live together for life- but who have are fully open, accepting, and supportive of their partner having outside sexual encounters- why SHOULDN'T they get married, want to get married, etc.? No one (here) is asking for marriage rights for multiple partners.

This is simply a question of personal taste. Some people are perfectly fine with their partners being sexual with other people. Some aren't. It has very little to do with whether or not a particluar relationship will succeed.

I'm with amanda on this one. The number of marriages that can survive this arrangement has got t be quite small. If you know this is what you want, why get married in the first place.

Babies certainly don't need their parents to be legally wed to be born, and one certainly can't claim "tradition" with this lifestyle choice. It really doesn't make much sense. You either throw convention out the window or not. Why drag the state and law into it?

The worst are the ones who wear a collar and claim to be so pius. They don't get it from thier evangelical wives, so they go outside and find members of thier churches, or others willing. Happens alot in the lutheran church. I know guys who had several women on a string, were married, and the wives either looked the other way, or were clueless. I wanted to take these women bitch slap them and tell them to wake the hell up, thier husbands were screwing everything that moved. Thier response? Oh, you must have it wrong dear, my husband is a minister. Please, these spineless women need to grow a pair, kick those cheating bastards to the curb.

I'm perfectly OK with not being monogamous, or being in an "open" relationship, but then why would you want to get married? If you think --or even if you have serious doubts-- that you won't be able to stay faithful to a person, then simply don't marry him/her. I know a lot of people who never got married but somehow have stuck together for decades, if not for life.

I love it when people think they're re-inventing the wheel. That guy needs to look up the term "polyamory" via Google.

I recognize that little guy on top of the cake. Isn't he the same one on top of the Mormon temples?