Amy Ephron On Women Wronged

Amy Ephron blogs here at HuffPost:

I just want one of them, Hillary, Silda, to stand on the steps of the house, the White House, the Governor's Mansion and stamp their foot and say, "And another thing, I'm keeping the house."

Why do they show up? Why did Silda Spitzer appear at her husband's side at his press conference today? The picture in the New York Times' is so telling, so sad, so perfectly humiliating. And you just want to ask, why? Why do political wives -- especially when they seemingly have no political aspirations of their own, it's not like Mrs. Spitzer is going to run for office -- show up for their husbands when their husbands have behaved so badly?

A HuffPost slide show of women who stood by their men:

• • • • • Hillary Clinton watches then-President Clinton as he thanks those Democratic members of the House who voted against impeachment in this Dec. 19, 1998 photo.

Comments

[gretmoe]

03:22 PM on 03/11/2008

wow lifeinfullcolor! That last sentence of yours is powerfu! I've been thinking the same thing. Millions of betrayed spouses could have their payback at the polls this election year. Very interesting indeed.
I see these "stand by your man" types as very vulnerable and hurt women who truly love their husbands and will not divide the family especially when young kids are involved. It takes guts to stand up and tell the philanderer : "our kids will not be uprooted and hurt because of your wrecklessness, so prepare yourself for the long haul!" Divorce is too easy and very painful to the innocent children. I would never do that to my children but that's just me.

[ullabella]

03:16 PM on 03/11/2008

It is like this: when a marriage gets rocky the rocks are in the bed.
It is only right that the wifes share their husbands agony and embarrasment because maybe it was they who put the rocks in the bed in the first place.
Sex is like food, if nobody is cooking at home you go and eat out; if your bed is only filled with rocks you go out to find a bed with no rocks.
Just simple human nature 101.

[ObamaEdwards]

02:32 PM on 03/11/2008

They have a contract to play the devoted wife, and they want to retain their rights to all the rewards for that. In other words, they do it for the money. They can't do or say what they want. As prostitutes, they are being paid to shut up and do as they're told. What's the mystery? Clinton does this, too. She has covered up and made light of her husband's constant, inappropriate sexual behavior for decades. It's a contract and she's in it for the big rewards, regardless of the humiliation.

[MetryJen]

12:38 PM on 03/11/2008

I don't get it, myself. If I ever bust out a man cheating on me it would be over, zip, finished. If I'm in a relationship, it's been mutually agreed upon to be monogamous, and therefore it's a major breach of trust to do anything else. I don't know if it's better or worse if it's paid for, personally. I can't love someone I can't trust. These Stand by your Man type women are really baffling to me, I can't help but think either there's an "arrangement" or they are in shock or something.

[mingusman]

11:31 AM on 03/11/2008

I liked Hillary's hair much more back then.

[Denni]

11:26 AM on 03/11/2008

It's not about an immediate divorce, the issue is about why women allow themselves to be used to beg the public for their husband's forgiveness? Why don't they have enough self-esteem and dignity to let their husbands stand on their own and privately beg for THEIR spouse's forgiveness?

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/3/11/4230/52843/872/474077

In some cases, the husbands are serial adulterers and the wives, instead of protecting themselves (Spitzer liked things that 'weren't safe' according to one of the sex workers), they protect the men who abuse their trust and who potentially cost them their lives (and the futures of their children).

The unkind cut... he met a sex worker on VALENTINE'S DAY!?!? C'mon!

[kickemout]

09:05 AM on 03/11/2008

There is one other reason none of you seemed to entertain. Perhaps she loved her husband in spite of his foibles. No one is perfect, and all have feet of clay. Also forgiveness is possible. The idea of an immediate divorce is stupid.

[JDBishop5]

07:16 AM on 03/11/2008

Right on!

And many women will still think they should get the house.

[richcpl]

05:39 AM on 03/11/2008

I'll never understand why women can view hillary, with her public acquiescence to her husband's humiliating philandering, as a good, strong role model for girls and women. I sure don't see her as a role model for my daughters. This kind of thing goes right to the core of character. Deep down, hillary's shallow.

[foreffectivegovernment]

03:48 AM on 03/11/2008

I have the following observations relating to your article.

As long as the majority of the people in this Country accept the premise that sex is dirty and make it illegal and the invasion of anouther Country is good and legal, this Country will continue to have very little legal sex and many wars.

As long as women refuse their husbands legal sex they will get it illegally. As long as wives refuse to give their husbands oral sex, they will find others who will.

As long as young girls are taught that abstinence is the only birth control, they will give oral sex to their boyfriends. (This is a statistical fact).

Because of what I have observed, I don't think Hillary Clinton will ever become President but the next generation will not have the same hangups that have produced the scandals that have harmed her campaign.

I am from the generation where sex education was learned out behind the barn so I have had many years to witness the changes in society and I never thought I would witness what has happened to this Country and I think Hillary Clinton with help from an able administration is the one to change things but I fear the people are not ready yet.

[Darwinita]

08:28 AM on 03/11/2008

I have the following observations about your comment.

Your shameful mysogyny takes a male's betrayal and rupture of his wedding vows and makes it a woman's fault.

If a man wants sex outside of marriage, he needs to end the marriage and be an honest human, if not a kind one.

It's not the sex, it's the lies.

Good job blaming the woman for the man's wrongdoings. I can't express how disgusting I find your comments fully- the moderators would scrub my comment. I can only assume you're resentful of being called to task yourself, and I hope to christ your ex-wife cleaned you out.

[angryhumanist]

09:00 AM on 03/11/2008

You misread the comment and/or you can't tolerate the truth.

[accountability]

09:08 AM on 03/11/2008

You shout it out woman!
I'm right there with you.

What a pig!

[anghiari]

08:57 AM on 03/11/2008

I believe your whole premise is wrong...Mr. Clinton and Mr Spitzer had/have a sense of entitlement. It has nothing to do with what wives will or will not do in the bedroom...it has to do with what a lot of men (note I did not say all men) believe is essentially male behavior. He had needs and he needed a female not his wife to satiate those needs. Bull!This whole uncontrollable urge, this whole male need crap has gone on far too long. Keep your damned pants zipped and live a life of integrity, if not for yourself and your wife, then your children. What is it about men they don't learn a damned thing from one another. You create enough enemies, they will find your flaws and they will reveal your flaws to the world and to your family. I am so sick of some idiot standing apologizing to his family after he has put them through public humiliation. Why didn't he think of them in the first place? And this bull about it being private and personal matter and that it should not taint his public persona. How accommodating. If a guy is not going to honor the group of people closest to him, why do you think he would give a good damn about honoring those with whom he has no familial ties? Thank goodness there are zillions of grown up males, who understand there are always consequences to your choices in life...and for those who don't, take heed, karma is a bitch!

Would it be really bitchy to mention that Anthony Villaraigosa, Mayor of Los Angeles, and Hillary Clinton National Co-Chair had an affair with a news anchor from Telemundo who had been doing a series of stories on the L.A. Mayor and the woman had the arrogance to announce the breakup his marriage (because of her-though she didn't mention that) on the air as a news story. Now Mr. Spitzer, who has also endorsed Hillary has his own little scandal to deal with...Hill didn't dump Tony because she needed the Latino vote in L.A. and her female supporters didn't hold her feet to the fire and say hey this guy's wife was having cancer treatments and he's out fooling around with another woman. We would prefer he not be the face of Hillary Clinton in California. I cannot imagine if these guys had endorsed Barack Obama instead of Hillary, you wouldn't hear women shouting from the rooftops for him to disown both of them...double standards!

[StarkRavingNakedEmperor]

03:20 AM on 03/11/2008

You are right on!

[OverIt]

02:04 AM on 03/11/2008

Ms. Ephron, perhaps you're assuming too much about the Harvard Law educated Mrs. Spitzer. Although it would SEEM that she has deferred her professional goals for her husband's career and has taken up a life of philanthropy as they are shored up by his family's 100s of millions of dollars, she may yet have her own political ambitions.

After all, based on the example of Sen. Hillary Clinton, at least a few million Americans, certainly a good number in NY state would think her qualified for the Governor's Mansion in her own right. After all, she was married to Mr. Spitzer during all of those campaigns and moments of crises. And did sleep next to him during that proverbial 3 am phone call... Actually, scratch that. Maybe "Kristen" should be the one running for NY Governor... but then again, there weren't exactly "sleeping" were they. Nevermind! At this rate, let's just elect whichever hooker clocked in the most time.

And for the presidency: Gennifer Flowers/Monica Lewinsky '08!!!!!

[accountability]

09:09 AM on 03/11/2008

what a pig.

[Politiking]

12:39 AM on 03/11/2008

Because at that very moment, they feel hurt, shocked, world is upside-down, wronged, betrayed, deceived, sad, fear, weight of the world, numbed, and most especially, vulnerable. It is sad but true. Not everyone could adjust quickly; mentally and emotionally it takes time to reconcile all of it.

[camcat]

01:52 AM on 03/11/2008

I think it's naive to assume the wives in these circumstances are innocent of their husbands' transgressions in the womanizing department. On the long ,hard climb to the top of the ladder of success they made a deal with the devil (as it were), to suffer through whatever it took to get there and partake of its rewards. That might include a few flirtations of their own when Mr. Gov. is distracted. It isn't a pretty place where they are. Don't try to attribute real human emotions to them. That said, if Spitzer was really repentant, he'd resign. End of story. Let's move on.

[accountability]

09:15 AM on 03/11/2008

Damn,
What a bunch of heartless, self righteous misogynists on this thread. It is bad enough when men are such pigs but when its a woman it is even more despicable.
Stockholm sndrome perhaps?

[AcademyKP03]

12:22 AM on 03/11/2008

This really couldn't come at a worse time for Hillary. Hear me out. All this does is bring up the whole Bill Clinton / Lewinsky affair - and having the governor's wife standing there, just as Hillary did years ago, doesn't help her. In fact, the more I think about it ... I believe that Hillary DID HAVE A RED PHONE moment. It was learning about Bill's affair. How did she react when she found out? I personally, think if she would have held a news conference and told the world that she was effectively divorcing her husand - she would have instantly been respected. But no - she didn't, she was too close. So my question to fellow readers is this: Was there any bigger RED PHONE moment than finding out that your husband, the President of the United States was having an affair with an intern?

[camcat]

02:01 AM on 03/11/2008

In Hillary's autobiography she wrote that she screamed and cried when she learned of the Bill/Monica thing. Not a very impressive RED PHONE moment. But a good job of pandering to American women.

[Counterglow]

02:32 AM on 03/11/2008

Did she grab the nearest blunt object and let him have it right across the face, as she must have been tempted to do? Are you so naive that you believe presidents and their wives don't argue...even have knock-down, drag-out scream fests just like almost every other couple in the world does once in a while?

Ask yourself this: What kind of human being would take that kind of news calmly, especially when they didn't have that voice in the back of their mind saying, "I am the President of the United States. I must NOT crotch kick my husband"? And would a person so icy and unfeeling make a good president?

It seems to me your hatred of Hillary Clinton has seriously impaired your logical faculties. How will you feel if Obama wins, and makes her his VP?

[OverIt]

02:11 AM on 03/11/2008

Having the affair is one thing. Lying about it under oath is another. Having your wife find out all about it during a depostion in a lawsuit in which Paula Jones is accusing you of attempted sexual assault.... that's the vast right wing conspiracy IN YOUR PANTS! Maybe that was a code name all along! Hmmm!

[ibsteve2u]

12:01 AM on 03/11/2008

To answer your question with another, Amy: Must be a helluva prenuptial, eh?