David Carr Memoir Excerpt: From Crack Addict To The New York Times

New York Times Magazine:

On the face of it, I am no more qualified to take my own inventory than the addict with the fetid dreads who spare-changes people on the subway while singing "Stand by Me." Ask him how he ended up sweating people for quarters, and he may have an answer, but he doesn't really know and probably couldn't bear it if he did.

To be an addict is to be something of a cognitive acrobat. You spread versions of yourself around, giving each person the truth he or she needs -- you need, actually -- to keep them at a remove. Let's stipulate that I do not have a good memory, having recklessly sautéed my brain in fistfuls of pharmaceutical spices. Beyond impairment, there may be no more unreliable narrator than an addict. Recovered or not, I am someone who used my mouth to constantly create one more opportunity to get high.

Here is what I deserved: hepatitis C, federal prison time, H.I.V., a cold park bench, an early, addled death.

Here is what I got: the smart, pretty wife, the three lovely children, the job that impresses.

Here is what I remember about how That Guy became This Guy: not much. But my version of events is worth knowing, if for no other reason than I was there.

Read the whole story: New York Times Magazine

Comments

[Destin]

I'm glad to see a success story where someone at the bottom, was able to turn their life around and make something of themselves. I have a couple family members who are hardcore drug addicts, and it's literally tearing the family apart. So I have firsthand knowledge, and have seen with my own eyes, what this condition does to people. What's sad is the people who tolerate it, thinking things will get better, as they hand another family member another couple bucks "for gas" knowing full well they'll go buy a crack rock or oxycotin pill from someone a block away. But they want to pretend that things will work itself out, even years later when the problem is still there.

By the way, is it the responsible thing to do, to turn in your own family members who have drug problems when interventions stop working?? I'm to the point of sending 1 or 2 to prison if that's what it takes. But I am naive myself alot in thinking that they'll get the "wakeup call" they deserve so that they'll change.

[jspivey]

Going from crack addict to New York Times columnist isn't nearly as impressive as going from crack addict to President of the United States.

[Ramirez]

True, but don't count your chickens. He hasn't won yet.

[bikerdude]

I'm glad he came out the other side with not too much damage. I just wonder if he has the emotional maturity to be a culture reporter. He has the writing skills back, for sure. I wish him the best as he moves on with his life.

[hoopesaz]

How blaze. Aren't most NY Times columnists current or former crack adicts?

[Star123]

I read it. Wringing out mjy violin. How about letting a hard-working professional reporter have his job?

[bikerdude]

I think he is a hard-working professional. He had some serious problems to overcome, but he seems to be on the right track now. Addicion. OCD, call it what you want, but its a disease.

[naturallight]

I didn't realize the former Quaterback of the Houston Texans had fallen so far.....

[wmbear]

GUILT, GUILT, GUILT...

I was a (very) heavy drinker for decades. But I refuse to refer to myself as an "alcohol" because that is a label and I detest labels. In fact, I have very little guilt over my drinking. Frankly, I enjoyed it immensely at the time and, if health and finances allowed (which neither does), I would do it all over again. I haven't had a drink for three years and before that for even longer. The last time I tried it, I took a week off from work -- the only way I could do it -- and discovered that it didn't do anything for me -- nada -- over such a short span of time. That was enlightening -- drinking is WORK over the long haul! And so, since I do have a day job that IS work and requires total sobriety, and since I have an ex-wife to support and no desire to end up in a homeless shelter, I teetotal. But that's my motivation, not a rejection of drinking per se. I found AA meetings and members to be totally obnoxious and discovered that I could do it on my own without all the hand-wringing anyway. And as to any guilt over it? Nah. Guilt is for fundies to get off on in church....