The New Joy Of Sex: How Times Have Changed

[New Joy Of Sex author Susan] Quilliam, who pronounces the word "sex" with the mildest Liverpudlian lisp, brings a much needed woman's touch to a book that was criticised by feminists because it was written almost entirely from a male perspective. There were, for example, just three references to the clitoris compared with an ample section on the penis. Then there is [original Joy of Sex author Dr. Alex] Comfort's old hippy take on porn, which he defined as "the name given to any sexual literature someone is trying to suppress". And don't get me started on the "Buttered Bun", when two men have sex with one woman.

....Only a few of the original entries have been ditched entirely: sex on a motorbike, the grope suit - Comfort's joke invention of a Scandin-avian garment that prompted continuous orgasm. There are 43 new sections, including phone sex, the internet, sex shops, and sex during pregnancy, and there is more emphasis on relationships.

....She acknowledges another sobering stat: the Kinsey Institute says that contemporary women have less sex than their 1950s counterparts because they have so little uncommitted time.

...."I'm glad I'm not ten years younger because there are an awful lot of pressures on young people: to look fabulous; to have a fabulous sex life," she says. "We're living in a world where it's important to achieve and whether we have a good sex life has become one of our measures of personal validity. Alex Comfort took the emphasis off achievement - that is one of the many things he got right."

Keep reading.

The new Joy of Sex will be available in England on September 1st, but won't be published in the U.S. until January 2009.

-or-

Buy an original copy the classic Joy of Sex by Dr. Alex Comfort here.

Comments

[ming099]

...I am 58 and have recently renewed a relationship I ended eight years ago because I had raised my kids and she still had hers to raise......she is fifty and finally done with her kids..........and we are having the time of our lives.....I always loved her but I was done being Daddy and she was of singleminded purpose to see both her kids graduate from college before doing anything for herself..........
I dont recall sex EVER being this good.....EVER.........even when my ex and I got married way back in the early seventies and I thought I was Superman...............so QUALITY does trump QUANTITY........we only get together for intimacy about once or twice a week but it is usually for two or three hours at a time when we do.....and I cant describe how good sex can be when you are not worried about performance, interruptions, and whether or not either of us has an orgasm......sometimes it is just good to lie in each others arms, talk, dream and plan for what the next part of our lives will be like after we get married in a few months.....and after being single for the past 22 years......I am looking forward to marrying, loving and caring for this wonderful woman.........and at HER insistence.....we WILL have seperate rooms after we move in together AFTER we get married........I cant wait!!!!

[lhsouthern1988]

i wonder if their is a section on sex and being on antidepressants? My hubby and I have had to rewrite our script because having an orgasm while on prozac and lithium is next to impossible. Our solution? a hitachi magic wand...

[ibsteve2u]

Were we an intelligent society, this book would be the subject of a class - one that also covered the use of birth control, the dangers of STDs, the trials and tribulations that expectant mothers and fathers can expect, and so on - that high school seniors took.

It is a shame America has so many Republicans dragging down our collective I.Q.

[TOOO]

Ah, yes - the Joy of Sex: where I do all the work, and she just lays there, asking, "Have you come yet?"

[Topfeeder]

If you think sex is work, I understand why she is wanting you to finish so fast.

[LaColombe]

Speaking of British accents. I laughed when my wife's Scottish grandmother defined "Sex" .

"Sex: they're the things you put your tatties in!"
Translation: Sacs: they're the things you put your potatoes in!"

Have a good one!

[johnb3950]

Scots don't pronounce "sacks" as "sex." You should have left it as the original version, which I heard years ago as Australian - I forget what was in the Australian "sex.".

Hey, I Iiked that the link to "The New Joy of Sex" was placed right above the link to "100 Things To Do Before You Die."...

[stevorama]

smells like Patchouli.

[mounthood]

I'm 75 and laugh at some of the comments of the young. I guess every generation thinks that they invented sex and that they are the ultimate experts. Human sex has been around since the first human couple. And it belongs to 70-year-olds as much as 20-year-olds. We oldsters could probably teach you all a thing or two. You are inhibited by the mores and prejudices of your social group.

[AliHajiSheik]

The pictures in that book haunt my nightmares more than any reference to a buttered bun ever will. That creepy bearded man is a million times worse than Freddy Krueger ever could be. Every time I see his face its like being eye raped by a hippie.

[stevorama]

LOL @ work, thanks.

[desertdweller]

The WASPy Republican men and women that were so uptight back then haven't changed.

Muffy: Do me Baxter!

[stevorama]

yuck, get those hippies a bar of Zest and some Prell.

[Agentlady007]

OMG, you must have been a parent from the sixties. Pure giveaway. Did you watch all of the Bewitched episodes too?

[stevorama]

No, I was a kid in the 60's/70's. My friend hady a copy of JOS, I'll never forget old naked weird beard.

[Kastoori]

My mother was born in 1938 and is 70 and I was born in 1976 and am 31. When she was my age, my mother had sex nearly every day, not because she wanted to or because she had more time on her hands (she worked nights as a nurse, and in the day studied a degree in Madarin) but because in her day, women were less likely to say no, it was a big deal to refuse sex. If my Dad wanted it, she'd do it, no matter how tired or uninspired she might be feeling. Me on the other hand, if I'm not in the mood, then I'm not going to have sex and fake my enjoyment. My mother is wowed that my boyfriend is so understanding and says she wishes she had a more honest sex life with my Dad. I've spoken to some of friends about this and they have similar stories. So, I would like to add that women today are not necessarily having less sex because they're too busy but because maybe they feel comfortable enough in today's world to say no.

[barriosbabe]

Uh, not necessarily. I think because of your mom and your own prejudice you have a hard time imagining that a lot of people born long before you really loved/love to screw a lot (we do).

[DragonMama]

Some do, some don't. My own mother has generally had a significantly higher libido than I ever had. However, after my dad left her for another woman, I definitely got the impression that my mom thought that if she didn't "put out" she wouldn't be able to hold onto a boyfriend, especially as a single mom. Sex isn't a one-dimensional issue, and deep emotional relationships like one would hope most marriages are should be much more multifaceted than just how often you screw. There are everything from swingers to celibates in every generation, it's all normal, only now we're starting to be strong enough as women to assert our own desires instead of just being doormats in the bedroom because we're scared of what would happen if we displeased our man. And, in some couples I know, it's the other way around (she wants it more than he does). Diversity is an amazing and wonderful thing.

[Beachrunner]

" . . . my soon-to-be-ex boyfriend . . . . "

[DragonMama]

How sad for you if your relationships are that one-dimensional that not having your partner always acquiesce to a request for sex is a reason to break up.

[RG5626]

Hmmm? The choice between your mother having more sex than she wanted or your boyfriend having less sex than he wants. Which one do you think will have more regret on their deathbed?

[DragonMama]

I don't know about Kastoori, but there are plenty of other things in life for me to be thinking about on my death bed than how much action my genitals got. Such as how authentically I knew the person I claimed to love and spent my life with. I would definately regret not knowing the full range of my spouse's being more than having had sexual intercourse a few more or fewer times, and inauthentic sexual experiences (i.e. one person is faking their enjoyment or just doing it to appease the other) can create some serious barriers to honest self-expression in a relationship if it happens too often.

[DragonMama]

regardless of how it may seem from the other three people who have replied to you, you're not the only one who is happy to live in a day and age where a woman can say no when she doesn't feel like it without worrying that the man will abandon her for another woman who will "put out". My husband and I have been together over 12 years, monogomous the whole time, and I tell him no a LOT (I'm chronically ill and we have two small children so I rarely have energy for it, and I refuse to have sex if I"m so tired i"m gonna lay there like a dead fish the whole time, not a turn-on for either of us). We got married because we love each other as whole beings, not as just genitalia and physical sensation producers. I wish you the same in your relationships(s).

[Minako]

I would rather have great sex than mechanical uninspired sex, and as a woman, I'd rather be celibate than feel as though I am obligated to have sex. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is understanding, there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, and anyone who doesn't realize that is pretty immature and sad.

[dadw5boys]

"Pressure to have fabulous lives"???????

How can anyone put pressure on you to have a fabulouse sex life?????

What a silly statement.

[DragonMama]

I've gotten it from my own doctor when I've mentioned that sometimes we go months without being able to manage. To us, it's just the normal ebb and flow of our relationship, we go like rabbits for a while then it's like it's banked up and we both get distracted with other responsibilities/hobbies/etc for a while, then we go "oh, yeah - sex, that's fun too" and go like rabbits for a while again. Totally boggled my doctor's mind, and she's female and has been married longer than I have, and yes, I came out of the office feeling slightly pressured to have more of a sex life, if not a fabulous one (tho she was recommending books I think for that too... can't remember, the appointment was before I had my morning coffee so didn't retain information very well).

Yes, people who openly admit to being happy with their lower-than-mainstream-assumed-norm DO get pressured to have more sex, or told that maybe they're just not doing it right and should try to "spice things up". Some of us just prefer to make it special instead of an obligation, at least most of the time. I'm quite happy with one episode of truly great sex instead of 10 episodes of mediocre sex, personally. And I get the truly great episodes on a more consistent basis because of that, quality over quantity in our household and we've been happy that way for 12 years now.

[PatA]

Sex gets better and better if you believe in it and yourself. I'm am 65 and it is great right now!

[nastyvirus]

In terms of our own lives, we may be getting more, but in the long run sex will become outmoded -- a vestigial behavior replaced by more efficient means of procreation.

[Mykel]

Yes. We gay men and lesbians will take over the duties of procreation, and in the process, craft a whole new way for humans to live, love and ensure the survival of the species.

We're not sterile, you know.

Heterosexuals, meanwhile, have proven themselves unfit for the job.

Just look at all the war, economic chaos, angry young males, beaten down females, divorce, unwanted pregnancies and environmental destruction.

[SneathLane]

Procreation is just incidental to sex, it's not it's primary function in actual human lives - no one gets turned on thinking about childbirth!

[NoMercy]

Impossible. Every vertebrate sexually procreates. We can not be any different.

[Fudgefase]

Euyww. Get these pictures out of my head.......

[SneathLane]

As you can see, there were no pictures in PatA's posting - if you don't like the pictures in your head, stop making them up.

They are pictures of your own fears, anyway, not real pictures of real people.

[daddyG56]

If you're extremely lucky, you'll be having great sex when you're 65. Open- mindedness might help you get there.

[SILVANUS]

I suppose you plan on dying early instead of getting wrinkles. Duh...duh...

[DragonMama]

Good to hear it! :) I actually have high hopes that our sex life will improve once I'm post-menopausal (I'm only 32 and we're planning at least one more kid so that's a while off!). The constant "family planning" issues (both contraceptive and dealing with the little ones in hopes that they won't interrupt) are really not helping matters right now. But I'm getting to know my hubby on a very deep and spiritual level with all the time we're spending together too tired to have sex (we have great conversations when we're half asleep and too tired to move after getting the kids to bed).

[CognitoErgoSum]

I read the '70s verson and was put off by how unattractive the man was in the drawings. He didn't look like he kept himself up at all; like you could smell the "Summer-of Love/Haight-Ashbury" unwashed quality.

[Theda]

They DID look a little grubby and unwashed in the 70's version of that book! Especially the guys.

[SneathLane]

Men washed daily in the 70s - they were just deluded, and assumed that body hair is normal and natural, not a disease.

Now we know how wrong they were: body hair is a blight which must be destroyed.

Smoothness generates billions of dollars of profits for those who keep us smooth - hairiness doesn't profit anyone, it is dangerous.

[ezbreezer]

If you didn't look that way in the 70's, you were either a YR or a narc.

[CognitoErgoSum]

Or I was in grade school and read the 70's edition in the '80s when I was a married adult.

[NoSillyName]

I didn't know anybody who read TJOS when it was published in '72. We didn't need a book to tell us what to do. Plus the pictures were not all that inspirational. Kinda like the ones in "Our Bodies, Ourselves".

[SILVANUS]

I was a kid then and you are right, the pcitures made sex look totally unhot and joyless. Well-intended, yes, but I always thought macrame and fern plants were antisexual, not to mentio New Rides of the Purple Sage playing somewhere in the background over and over because some stoner was on an 8 hour acid ride.