Late Night Jokes Of The Week: McCain's Age & Poll Numbers, Palin's Hunting & Kids' Names

Late night jokes took center stage this week, with David Letterman going all out against John McCain and Craig Ferguson railing against McCain for suspending the democratic process.

But there was still more to enjoy. Both Jimmy Kimmel and Jay Leno joked about McCain — Kimmel hits him on his age, Leno on his sinking poll numbers, while Stephen Colbert, Conan O'Brien, and Jon Stewart all laughed at Sarah Palin (Colbert about hunting, Conan about Alaska's minority population, and Stewart on her New York trip and her kids' names). That, and more Great Moments in Presidential Speeches from David Letterman, below:

Comments

[surf2bnsun]

David who??
Jimmy who???
Jay who??
Stephen who??
Conan who??

[LoveComesInSpurts]

David Letterman, who knows more about U.S. foreign policy than the republican vice prez nominee.

Jimmy Kimmel, who actually hosted a show that featured scantily-clad beer bimbos bouncing on trampolines, and who still manages to be more respectable and deliver his prepared lines better than McCain or Palin.

Jay Leno, who's been mocking politicians for most of his career, and who will benefit more than anyone from the joke of administration that would be the McCain presidency.

Stephen Colbert, one of the most brilliant satirists of the past decade, who rips neo-cons apart so effectively because he pretends to be one of them.

Conan O'Brien, a funny guy and Harvard graduate who, even just having rolled out of bed is smarter than our current "president" on his best day.

surf2bnsun who? oh yeah, that's that faceless nobody on a message board who's writhing in agony, watching his/her party disintegrate and can't do anything about it except attack the media figures who dare to point out that the emporer has no clothes.

[RobinSeattle]

Even funnier this week is that anti-Howard Stern and 2LIve Crew crusader Jack Thompson just got disbarred for legal misconduct! Woo hoo!
http://www.afterdawn.com/news/archive/15508.cfm

Thompson's last obsession has been with video games.

I'm sure comedians will have a field day with this one.

[HateLieCheatKillRepubWay]

President Bush is an ivy league graduate, but he sure is an embarrassment.

[RobinSeattle]

Both Scanner Bush and Boy George are Ivy League graduates. Neither of them exhibited learning anything from their college days.

[pie8ter]

How did G0ergy W get admission to Harvard or Yale? He cant even add 1 + 1.

[booker52]

Too funny, but oh so sad that this duo is trying to be elected to the WH!!!

[rockyroad]

Palin Hunting . . .

The elk-killer was nowhere to be found last nigh. Her counterpart, Joe Biden, was everywhere.

Guillani was McCain's spin doctor. Where the hell was Palin?

1. In the hidey hole;

2. In plastic surgery getting all those pellets taken out of her face;

3. In Cheney's cave;

4. Silenced, as any good witch should be;

5. Having a butt tuck, just in case anyone wants her to reprise her roll as Ms. Alaska;

6. Muzzled, as John McCain's trophy running mate.

However you dice it, McCain didn't believe she was up to the job.

Does any thinking person believe that she's up to the job?

Even believers didn't want her at debates to spin. Get a clue.

[LAThinker]

She was secretly withiting Disney Land to get some understanding of foregn affairs

http://www.ucubd.com/Index.aspx?id=743&cid=3147

[abedenko]

bravo Letterman! Bravo Jon Stewart! Bravo Conan! Keep it up!!!

[toocoldout]

Yes, they were quite funny.

[KarateKid]

"So long as we remain true to ouuuuarragaarragh ideals. "

It's little wonder that Republicans running for office in Illinois don't mention that they're Republican­s.......ev­en on their websites!! I guess it's a shameful admission for them.

Yep, you won't find their political affiliations anywhere. Jim Oberweis, Denny Hastert's anointed successor who got his tail waxed by Bill Foster in the special election, is so ashamed of his political affiliation that he won't admit to being a Republican.

That's the trouble with Republicans; they prey on the huge, gullible stupidity of the American people, who are more than willing to vote for McCain to keep the status quo, even though they have taken it in the shorts from "their" party. Now, THAT is stupid.

[FACINGREALIT]

Yup Yup - they are now all official GOP members - don't know what GOP means, don't expect them to tell ya!

[raw915]

Hint...Hint...

It is exactly what GRANDpa McSame stands for... "Out with the new; In with the OLD"... And what are republicans so good at? PARTY, PARTY, PARTY...

[Biffmeister]

Dropping Palin makes McCain look grossly inept, or would underline that fact. I would seriously doubt they'd do that. No matter how they did it, even having her say she had to resign for personal reasons, wouldn't play. Everyone would know they were admitting to a big mistake. Better to coach her intensely and hope she can stumble through. It's still best to be wary of her in the debates. They might be planning to spring a trap. Not likely she'll improve markedly but you never know.

[BannedInBoston]

Biden had better be careful. She might squeeze off a few rounds at the silver bear.

[Lotus19]

She should be frisked before going to the podium. I'm telling you, she'll be wearing a wire.
During Bush's debate with Gore the media picked up a square shaped bulge under his suit jacket. It was zoomed in on and published anywhere...but there was no proof of anything so the story went away. They did it before, they'll do it again.

[DavidBlackburn]

Senator McCain doesn't have to drop Governor Palin to look inept.

[PDXTransplant]

I sure am going to miss those Letterman's Presidential Moments...they are the best.

[BannedInBoston]

Watching Bush speak without reading a teleprompter is like watching SNL do a sendup of Bush. The man does sendups of himself....

[screenname223]

I believe if something was to happen to McCain and Sarah was to become President. The citizens of this country would demand that the Congress and Senate impeach her.

I hope people wake up and realize that McCain had to be nuts to pick her as V.P., He is putting this country in danger with her as V.P. I don't know how anyone in their right mind could support this ticket of McCain/Palin.

I wasn't voting for McCain regardless of who he picked as V.P. I thought the Bush/Cheney years were scary, but WOW as Jack Cafferty from CNN puts it, "She is one 72 year old man's heart beat away from being president, and that should scare the hell out of you". I know does me.

I am seriously considering if McCain/Palin are elected, Canada just might be a good place to move to.

I believe in Obama/Biden. I definitely feel much safer living in the U.S. with them as President and Vice President.

Its just very, very Scary to me. I hope to God that Obama/Biden are elected, McCain is sent back to the Senate and Palin is sent back to Alaska.

[mafina]

Seriously folks, McCain has made it known to many people that he is not Ms.Congeniality, yeah, he actually said Ms. Okay, but why is he so hated by many people, even in his own political party. Does he really think that he is above it all and can piss people off whenever he feels like doing so. I am baffled by his arrogance, his mean spirited behavior and ignorance. McCain beats this POW drum to the hilt and perhaps that is the only reason why people put up with him.

[BannedInBoston]

Yeah. Actually McCain is MIss Totally Snarky....

[SeriouslyWTF]

Shouldn't the fact that Mccain was a POW go towards the lack of leadership category? I'm not saying what he went through wasn't awful and heroic, but the fact that he crashed four planes previously.. shouldn't one of his superiors spoke up and said... maybe we should stop giving this guy more planes? My guess he is still the spoiled son of an Admiral trying to prove himself to Daddy, at the peoples expense.

[masha2008]

i will miss bush's bumblings. it never gets old.

[2Foxxie4U]

Well, we won't miss them THAT much. X'DDD

[mafina]

Yew, now we can save the kindergarten dictionary to see how to spell nukelur.

[mafina]

Has anybody noticed during the debate, that McCain sold Bush under the river with the torture treatment. Said he would never use torture again to interrogate prisoners. Now was he advocating that he would start a war under his presidency.

[BannedInBoston]

I did notice. I also noticed that McCain NEVER ONCE in the whole 90 minutes mentioned George W. Bush by name. So much for that "I wuv you Mr. President can I smell your armpit" hug that McCain gave Bush last year.

[SurrealPumpkin]

He also didn't mention that he voted for Bush's Torture bill. Senior moment, I guess.

[MalamuteMan]

Hi his bumblings are both funny and horrifying... I hope we can watch them from the big house some day... Seeing that fool in the Whitehouse is just plain revolting!

[JessWonderin]

If America commits political suicide, Plain will make Bush seem like the Mensa President . . . .

[PTAPittbull]

bush was almost assisinated by that pretzel
they had to rush in and do the hymlic on him.

It was a snyder pretzil i think he added them to the terror watch list
sarah palin is working on negotitaions

[Blaqstorm7]

hahaha!!

[muypolitico]

IF he had, would the U.S. have bombed the pretzel factory? Would the workers who operated the machinery, or made the pretzels if home-made, have been declared legitimate targets for termination?

Maybe that's what should be done with bin Laden. Have Air Force air drop tones of pretzels in Afghanistan. One of them is bound to choke him.

[BannedInBoston]

Pretzels are the work of the t.errorists! We should close down all pretzel factories!

[tigs]

If Palin drops out ,who would Mc cain pick in her place,?or is he too stubborn to ask her to step aside.
Its all becoming so rediculous. Mc cain looked like my tabby cat when he is sulking,he never looked at Obama, it seemed as though Mcain was trying to make Obama lose his temper,but Obama is too smart for Mc cain, shame politics has come to this, a grumpy old man being jealous of a younger man .

[Nolewoman]

I think it had a lot to do with McSame being pis sed that Obama and the press did not fall for his stunt to get the VP debate postponned or cancelled, i.e. his "suspending" his campaign. I think he was furious when he walked out on the stage and it only got worse. He is used to getting his way, like someone else we know, and whoever goes against him feels his wrath. I thought his treatment of Obama was petulent and rude, just the way we need our president to act. That will really get worldwide for us.

[Aesthete]

Throughout the debate, McCain kept repeating over and over that Obama didn't "understand" or didn't "get it" without stating what it was the Obama didn't "understand" or "get." I think this was some pathetic attempt to bait Obama and make him loose his cool. Obama maintained his cool and dignified demeanor while McCain sounded petulant and silly.

[lynettema]

I don't think Palin will drop out, but I have been wrong before. I wouldn't insult my cat. McCain looks like Nikita Khrushchev. Most of you on these blog probably don't remember him. Especially that grumpy look McC had last night. I could just see him take off his shoe and pound the podium.

[Heartlight3]

With the economy the way it is, he'd probably have to pick Romney.

[mafina]

Liebermann. Notice that McCain's two corkscrews Lieberman and Graham are back on the potty again.

[screenname223]

I think its a blessing in disguise that he picked Palin as his V.P. Lets not push the issue to much about her stepping aside. She is a drag on the Republican party, no matter what they say. Please, my daughter who at 17 has more foriegn policy experience than she does. She went on a 12 day trip to Europe with her high school.

I would think even if she steps aside and McCain picks someone else, which most likely would be Romney, because of the economic situation it still makes his campaign look bad. I feel this way because how would it look to voters if he was to give us his 2nd choice. After all he has stated she is the best person for the V.P. position.

A friend of mine told me she heard that the style of eye glasses that she wears or selling out every where. I believe their was a doll back in the 70's that had those type glasses. Mrs. Beasley doll from family affair. When I was a kid the girl that lived next store had one of those dolls. Thats what she reminded me of when I first saw her.

[BannedInBoston]

Ah, but I just thought of something. I was thinking it was unlikely they'd dump Palin. But Romney does have successful business experience, so might plump up the McCain campaign's economic cred. So, after all, maybe....

[Lotus19]

Mrs.Beasle­y...ROFLMA­O; I remember that doll

[Kally]

Bullcrap, she sure threw obama in our face didn't she. she bussed those students in to vote and then bussed them back home....but then she doesn't get mixed up in politics...whoooo.