The Onion Bashes Bush (Literally)

For the past few weeks, the popular satire newspaper The Onion has been running stories in this briefs section that put the outgoing president through massive physical trauma... and then forgo a punchline.

The most recent example:

KANSAS CITY, MO--President Bush sustained serious head injuries, massive internal bleeding, and a broken left leg Monday morning after being accidentally dragged behind the presidential motorcade for a period of 15 minutes. According to Secret Service spokesman Ed Donovan, Bush's necktie became caught in the trunk of the motorcade's second vehicle at 4:13 p.m., shortly before the driver accelerated. The president was dragged down 175th Street for 26 blocks and through four stoplights, leaving a trail of blood more than a mile long. Upon hearing shouts emanating from behind his vehicle, the driver abruptly applied the brakes, causing the third car in the motorcade to run over the president's left leg at a speed of approximately 25 miles per hour. President Bush is resting comfortably in Bethesda Naval Hospital.

In the weeks leading up to the above story, President Bush has fallen down the stairs of the Washington Monument, had his arm taken off by a crocodile, and passed a three-pound kidney stone.

Hilarious or too dark? Let us know in the comments section.

Comments

[BobQueuePublic]

Writer Dan Duray asks, "Hilarious or too dark?" My answer: YES.

THE BIGGEST NEWS ON THIS PAGE ISN'T IN THE STORY, BUT THE COMMENTS: Consider the headline in a potential pick-up by Fox News: "Hateful Liberals Call For Presidential Assassination," followed by out-takes from these comments suggesting as much. "Our" catcalls for bodily harm and death to Bush are no different from from those "KILL HIM!" chants from the McCain-Palin crowd little more than a month ago.

Just as we recoiled at those chants and were relieved when the Federal spooks tried to investigate them, republicans might have a valid claim to see said spooks take action against The Onion. This lowbrow incitement could inspire some nutjob, don'cha know? You betcha...

I hope there's some punch-line at the end of this low- and long-arcing installments. Might the fictitious author will be exposed as a failed, deranged assassin? Or some such satire. As it is, this material doesn't rise to The Onion's auspicious/dubious stink test. BTW, I've enjoyed The Onion since its print inception and today, I can't live without my Onion News Network video Web- and podcasts.

JOKING ASIDE, ON THE FATE OF THE SHRUB: Those who want to see "W" hurt or dead forget: he's not much use to prosecutors dead. Alive, prosecutors can pick his bones dry, and his ultimate assailant may be the shadow of a man staring at him in the mirror.

[IDIOTA]

I don't mind dark humor as long as it contains humor. I find none here.

[mortrefuge]

This just in... Recently revealed DNA testing has shown that George W Bush is in fact the biological love child of Curly Joe of the 3 Stooges. George HW Bush released a statement declaring "Well... It just makes sense, Barbara was a Las Vegas show girl before I married her and must have had a fling with Curly prior to or just after our marriage at the end of the war. It helps to explain the mediocre grades and 2nd rate intellect." Additional code in the DNA sample indicate a distant relationship to Wile E. Coyote, who was, after all, a SUPER genius but, sadly, prone to accident.

[raechel]

So much of what I read lately is tinged with violence. I knew that one of the dark consequences of our economic collapse would be violence, especially violence toward women (always happens when times are tough -- you explain it, I can't). But to see so much hatred arise so quickly is frightening. And the people who find it funny ... scarier yet. Wish I didn't know anything about the history of collapsing empires.

[whifflepod]

oh no no no, sorry, wrong! there is violence in all of us, but in none more than in george w. bush, author of a million deaths in iraq (in the interests of oil profits) and god only knows how many ruined american lives. so what do we do with our human violence? a couple options: 1) kill people, or vote killers into office, or buy stocks in halliburton. 2) be very very very funny, or laugh very hard in the glee of having said, as a nation, DOWN, KILLER, DOWN.

read some fairy tales. read dante's inferno. consider the violence of homer's illiad, the greatest anti-war poem ever written. don't forget larry, curly and moe!

i'm a historian of empires, hate 'em. hate the one we've become as well. think laughing the only sane response to their madness, which is built on pompous illusions.

[raechel]

Can't stand the guy, but this is not the wit we've come to expect from the Onion. It's out of line.

[ConfuciusSay-]

This dreck is not funny.

[Gib]

I laughed.

[TomInJax]

How come I pictured that vividly as I read it. Possibly with a little Will Farrell thrown in. I can so see Bush slamming his tie in the trunk.

[bartonfink]

we'll never get to pay this guy back. bush will leave office older, but probably not much wiser, and our country's mortgaged future is all we have to show for it.

bush will have to live with his conscience, but he never really seemed to have that deep a relationship with it before, so does it matter? what human could bare the karmic return on THAT much inadvertent malfeasance anyway?

which is why the onion's violence against him is the most satisfying thing I've ever seen involving bush. ever. the onion is full of pathos. just the headlines often say so much. now, they have provided the one moment of catharsis I have felt in anything involving bush in eight long years.

also, ".. jagged, grapefruit-sized crystal aggregation..." should win an award or something

[Mekarri]

I absolutely love it. LOL,LOL!!!

[goodog]

It's catharsis, the purging of pent up feelings after there being no impeachment or imprisonment. It's healthy and should be expected. Here's Time magazine giving vent.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1862307,00.html

Funny and sad.

[raechel]

"Catharsis" is a myth; violence begets violence.

[junebug08]

Hilarious!!!

[JeanPaulSatire]

Nope, not funny.

Yes, I know that the humor in "news" stories in the Onion is created by the "serious" treatment of an absurd premise. But the premise just isn't absurd in a humorous way -- just in a very mean-spirited way. (And I say this as someone who believes to his core that Bush is the.worst.president.EVER.)

Sometimes the Onion takes a swing and not only misses but also loses the bat. This series of stories counts as such times.

[armyman72]

Its funny

[TomInJax]

Oh come on. You were born with imagination right.

OK. Try this. Picture Will Farrell as Bush. Start with him saying he needs to get used to packing his own luggage, then take it from there.

Funny.

[filmguy]

For a funnier swipe at Bush :

www.policywanker.blogspot.com

[Ozarks]

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy

[nothingmusic42]

i think it's friggen hilarious. i can't wait to see what the onion has to say about obama over the next few years. if you can't laugh at your guy, you shouldn't laugh at the other guy.