Ted Haggard's Wife, Gayle, Discusses Husband's Same-Sex Attraction

CHICAGO — Former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard's wife says she knew about his struggles with same-sex attraction for years and felt he was "winning the battle" before a scandal involving a male prostitute triggered his downfall in late 2006.

Gayle Haggard makes the remarks in an appearance with her husband on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" to air Wednesday. She said she was shocked when Haggard first told her the truth about the allegations against him.

"The first words out of my mouth were, 'Who are you?'" she said, according to a publicity release issued Tuesday by Harpo Productions.

However, Gayle Haggard also said her husband told her early in their 30-year marriage that he "struggled with some thoughts."

"I felt it was the thing that could destroy Ted if he gave in to it," she said. "So I prayed for him and I felt as though he was winning the battle."

Haggard, 52, resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colo., after the male prostitute went public. Haggard confessed to "sexual immorality."

The scandal widened in recent days with disclosures that Haggard also admitted to an "inappropriate" relationship with a church volunteer, Grant Haas, who was 22 at the time.

Haas told KRDO in Colorado Springs that Haggard performed a sex act in front of him and sent him illicit text messages. He informed New Life Church shortly after the scandal broke, and the two parties reached a settlement in 2007 that included a confidentiality agreement. Haas went public as Haggard is heavily promoting an HBO documentary about his time in exile.

Comments

[nevernine]

Yes, poor Ted was fighting his homosexual urges (very much like an alcoholic fighting his addiction) and his sweet wife prayed for him. How can you even manage a rational dialogue with such mentality? It's like trying to have a conversation with an insane person. Ah yes, religion at its best. Of course, if that's how someone wants to live their life, fine, and if they want to think homosexuality is something to fight, also fine. The problem of course, and what makes people like Ted and his sweet, Christian wife so ugly, is the fact they turn around and make moral judgements on others who do not share their ignorance of denial.

[thegeniesez]

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[Pharos]

i.e. they're hypocrites.

[situationcritical]

Really, I don't care how the Haggards handle this. All I care about is how difficult they are making it for other gay people to live normal (yes...) lives.

[thegeniesez]

You are absolutely right. Why is anyone even trying to rationalize why the haggards keep lying to themselves.

He made gay people feel horrible about living their lives when he was a preacher by condemning them. May be this is his karma? Let the man continue living with his repressed self and suffer his hell on earth. I wish there was a real heaven and hell that way he could go through hell twice.
I feel this way and i am not even gay.

[myoungholt]

This compares with the veggie sex banned ad. Pelosi's film-making daughter made a film of Ted & Co. It needs all the free advertising it can get. Pelosi has been praying for him as well. It was all here a week or so ago.

[Pharos]

"Pelosi has been praying for him as well." Please tell me you're joking.

[cwfutureboy]

Looks like SOMEone didn't pray hard enough!

[TheBlackCat]

I would love to see a comparative study on rates of depression and suicide of gays who have gone through gay acceptance therapy vs reparative therapy (the kind Ted went to that treats homosexuality as a mental disorder).

[bobdob]

Ted Haggard is the poster boy for why religious fanatics should lay the hell off the gay community. I feel sorry for the guy. So much self loathing, and for what? Because he's into men? He's fallen on his own sword, but I still feel for him.

[TheBlackCat]

Man I miss the Netherlands. I used to live there (my visa expired, couldn't get citizenship). This whole gay thing is just not an issue. Gay marriage is legal. Most churches perform gay marriage ceremonies (though they are not required to). Only an incredibly small number of fundamentalist Muslims and Christians have a problem with homosexuality. One of their most popular CONSERVATIVE politicians in the last ten years was openly gay. Religious officials are openly gay. Education and childcare officials are openly gay. No one cares. Gay people hold hands, kiss in public, no one gives them a second glance. And yet they have a happy, healthy, thriving society. The world didn't collapse because homosexuality. Rates of homosexuality haven't increased. The nuclear family hasn't disintegrated. People aren't trying to marry turtles, or children, or their siblings. All the things that conservatives here tell us that will happen if we accept homosexuality just hasn't happened.

It's just not an issue over there. If it can happen somewhere, it CAN happen anywhere. Maybe one day, even here.

[kaukerc]

I just watched Oprah; and I am dumbfounded. All of the correct questions were asked, but the answers were total gobbledygook. What do you mean you are a heterosexual with homosexual attachments? What is that but another way to deny who you are? I must admit, though, by the end of the hour I was more angry at Gayle Haggard instead of Ted. She left me with the impression that if Ted were to just try hard enough, that his struggles would just go away. She kept talking about Ted's choices. What choices exactly? Being gay isn't a choice. She is confusing his orientation with his sexual proclivities. If Ted never sleeps with another man the rest of his life, he is still gay. Just because he is able to perform his matrimonial duties with her does not make him straight. He wasn't on Oprah talking about how he couldn't overcome his attractions with women, but MEN. Until she sets him free, Ted will continue to live his life in denial.

[Violeta]

I read this and was going to post something but it looks like you already said it better than I could. Yup, he's gay. Everyone who tries to change him and not accept him is actively making him unable to be himself and therefore seek other outlets. Yes there are people who come out regardless of what anyone else thinks, but we're social animals and we want to keep those who we love happy with us. If he cared about his wife and wanted her approval, and the approval of others who he cared for, he needed to make them happy... Who in his life cared enough about him and who he really was to put in at least half the effort he put into trying to keep everyone else happy? The problem isn't necessarily with the acts he did but with the fact that he had to hide and sneak and lie or else he would lose everyone in his life. How sad.

[4 Real]

Exactly! Unfortunately it's their church that has made them this way. For most people, it's crystal clear what the problem is and how to solve it. He was born gay, is gay and will always be gay but they refuse to accept it per their religion. A secular couple would have divorced and moved on, and they would both be happier for it.

[lisak2008]

I watched them on Oprah too. My sister and I tried to find reference on teh Internets to the phrase "heterosexual with homosexual attachments", but the only thing that came up was a link about them being on Oprah.

I was beyond stunned to hear his wife say that she was angrier at the revelation about his drug use than she was about his homosexuality. Whaaaat? That makes no sense. Especially since she said she didn't know. They both are clearly disturbed individuals & clearly, they deserve each other.

[blkbtrfly1]

Pathetic. Both of them.

[paixa3]

Harpo productions? Jesus, the Marx brothers act? So fit for the occasion.

[SaulGood]

or maybe it is oprah spelled backwards? {{rolls eyes}}

[4 Real]

Oy, it's been Oprah's production company for years and it her name spelled backwards.

[Pharos]

Except Harpo was funny.

[LorettaSingbiel]

And Mr. & Mrs. Haggard mentioned that their church has decided to allow him to come out of exile, and move back into his home. And they'll forgive him for his "sins" of giving into "the lifestyle", and welcome him back into the MONEY (I mean the CHURCH)?

Well ... it seems as though all his "struggles" are over!?

I wonder if he'll continue to demonize and degrade The GLBT Community ... with a straight face ... and a wink???

[juzcuz]

hummmmmm, so which is it Teddy-boy? Are we born gay or do we choose to be gay? If you're just CHOOSING to be gay...how come you can't change your insides... overnight? If you were born gay Ted... you can fight it all you want (it's just like having blue eyes or having white skin).. you're still ALWAYS going to be gay (if you're authentic to yourself & others)... so you might as well learn to live with it, huh? Welcome to the club of millions, born gay and inspite of millions of homophobics... learning to be proud of being born gay.

[MoeJava]

being a catholic child in the sixties, we learned three wrestling holds:
half nelson, full nelson and father nelson.

church officials abusing their congregants has been happening for thousands of years - since we suspended intelligent, independent thinking, and blind faith lead us to our understanding of god...

Why hasnt god prevented his churches from hurting those they profess to be concerned about?

[simonesdad2008]

This man's story represents the power of evangelicals over the weak minded. This man lied to himself for 30 years until the truth started seeping out at the seams. Every time he rose in power and stature in his former church, it must have felt like a cruel joke. He's probably shaved years off of his natural life with the stress alone. Even now, he doesn't want to fully embrace who he is. His wife has known for all these years but she went along for the ride. She probably feels like she has so much invested at this point that she's just going to ride it out. I give her credit for hanging in there but it's partially her doing by staying silent..

[dm10003]

i just watched haggard on oprah. i was surprised at how much he admits to himself, to oprah, to his children, and credits therapy rather than jesus alone. you all really should watch the whole thing.

trouble is, he insists he's "heterosexual with homosexual attachments" or something like that. is he really any closer to finding his place in the gay/bi extablished patterns?

AND GET THIS, he's allowed back into colorado and his church, and his old churchgoing friends are "effervescent" to see him. in the long run, will their acceptance be a chance for orientation education for evangelicals?

[SameOldSameOld]

Give it up. Its in your DNA.

[juzcuz]

that's right we are born gay... it's not a choice!! It's just some of us are a lot more honest than others and we learn to be our authentic selves, and then we find true happiness. I've never been happier in my life until I finally realized who and what I was all about (born gay), came out of the closet into a whole new world and will live happily ever after, in this life and the next. Wouldn't it be great if everyone could and would be true unto themselves... what a marvelous world this would/could be. You born black, with blue yes, blonde hair and gay... rejoice, you are God's loved child. JOY2U2!!!