COMEDY
03/13/2009 03:02 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dickipedia: Bernard Madoff

Bernard Lawrence Madoff (born April 29, 1938) is a businessman, con man, self-made millionaire, and self-hating Jew--well, what else would you call someone who specializes in ripping off fellow tribesmen and philanthropies who send teenagers to Israel? So great were the scope and magnitude of his scheme that its discovery sent ripples throughout the financial world, accomplishing himself what it took the collapse of Wall Street in its entirety to carry out just two months earlier. He is also a dick.

Bernard Madoff is former chairman of NASDAQ, as well as the founder and chairman of venerable financial corporation Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC. That is, until Dec 11, 2008, when he was arrested in connection with the world's single largest incidence of investor fraud. Ever. Turns out he had been running a $50 billion scam, over the course of 30 years. Not even Danny Ocean could pull off that kind of heist, no matter how much of a prick Andy Garcia was to him.

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