10 Things They Never Tell You About Motherhood

Times Online:

Motherhood is one of the great obsessions of our age. Everyone seems to have an opinion, even those who will never experience it (men), and those for whom it is a distant memory (grumpy old ladies). Whether you breast-feed or bottle-feed, give birth naturally or deliver by Caesarean, stay at home or return to work, the impression is that whatever you are doing, it's almost certainly wrong.

The most curious aspect of this is that much of the pressure comes not from some patriarchal conspiracy, but from women. Even the National Childbirth Trust recently stated that it wants to see the use of epidurals during labour reduced by 40 per cent to "boost traditional births" - aka "agonising pain".

Most confusing of all is what a friend of mine calls "the conspiracy of silence": the abyss that exists between what people will tell you about having children and what it really entails. The truth is, as my mother once remarked darkly, that if women thought properly about having children, no one would ever give birth again.

Here then are ten things about motherhood that no one will tell you.

Read the whole story: Times Online

Comments

[meltingpot101]

The biggest hugs come from small bodies.

They forgot that one.

[kellygrrrl]

would be nice if WE could reach a point where it is perfectly acceptable for any adult to choose to not have children.
Parenthood certainly is not for everyone.

[jham710]

It is getting more acceptable to not have kids. Thankfully. Since, you are right, parenthood is not for everyone and choosing not to take that path is probably for the greater good.

[Smirk]

Amen!

[TalkTalkTAlk]

Hmm my girlfriend has been talking about marriage and kids, after reading this i might only agree to the marriage.

[AZBunny]

If she wants children do her and yourself a favor and let her go find somebody who does want children.
This will be an never-ending battle with neither one of you being happy.

[Roses]

My kids are the best that could have ever happened in my life.
I decided to keep my career and that was very important for my sanity and the life of my children. It kept me thinking about "adult" things too.

[shadowsoftears]

There are things that aren't the greatest to deal with when having children, but in comparison to the love you get, they're small. These things also become routine, and just like anything else you get used to them. Some of these "people never told me" are common sense. They could pick up any book on motherhood and find these things out as well.

My daughter was wonderfully sweet at one and never cause any problems. When she hit two, it was like "What happened to my baby?" Into everything, tantrums, you name it, she probably did it. Now at almost four, she refuses to potty train, even though she did it almost perfectly at 2 1/2. She TRIES to do the opposite of everything I say.

These stories annoy me a little, because they're simply telling the "horror stories" of having children. There are so many wonderful things that come along with it, that you can't get anywhere else. I'd say the truest thing they listed was the fear, guilt etc. I'm in constant fear that something will happen to my daughter. It took me awhile to accept that it was a normal feeling, and that if something was going to happen it would be out of my control anyway, so I may as well not ruin the time I have by dwelling on it. Bottom line, no amount of preparing will ever make you ready, but every tantrum, mess, and struggle is worth it in the end.

[ChaiKat]

I have a friend who has two kids. She never wanted kids, but her husband and his family was putting the pressure on offspring, so she caved. While she loves her kids, she's the most honest person I've ever met in regards to motherhood. It's not always great, and it's not always bad, but you have to give so much of yourself, and some women resent that. That's the thing may won't admit too for fear of being persecuted by our society. When you don't have children, our society has come to a point where you are made to feel like an inferior human being.

[shadowsoftears]

I've seen the last line of your post in action. My sister-in-law was trying hard to conceive, and was to the point of depression. I had just had a baby, her sister was pregnant, a couple of her cousins as well. And all of the family members harassing her "When is it going to be your turn?" "When are you finally going to get pregnant?" Thankfully she found out a month or so later that she was! I think its especially true in a family setting more so than society as a whole, especially if you come from a large family.

[ChaiKat]

I'm glad she finally got pregnant, but because she wanted to. As I stated, my friend never wanted kids, and I've got another friend who just had a baby that also, has never wanted children. While I've no doubt my friend loves her kids and my other friend will love her baby, I know there will be days when they wonder why they bothered. My one friend often tells me she wishes at times she never had kids. She wonders what her life would be like had she just not had kids.

Having a baby should be something you want, not something others pressure you into, just because it's what women are "supposed" to do.

[bmermaid]

Yes, there are all of these terrible things, and more than you can imagine.
But you could never count all of joys. When I look at my 3 grown children, I still see 3 little angels.
Believe me, it's worth it, even at the worst times.
Without them, my life would have been so empty.
And then the grandchildren- imagine little adorable people that think you are more wonderful than anyone else on earth.

[wagadog]

And that's coming from the UK, where at least you can get health care for you and your child, and a domestic purposes benefit.

Add the prospects of being paid half what you'd make otherwise (if anyone will employ you at all), going without health care if not, having to stay with an abusive partner just to have housing and health care for your child, if living in the US.

Oh, HuffPo left that part out. Brava. No, it's just poopy nappies the worst of it? Check again.

[phinney]

Oh yes, it's just like that in the US. None of us abused and underpaid women have healthcare for ourselves or our POOR children. Kind of makes a poor dumb woman wish the colonists never broke away from the crown.

NOT!

From sea to shining sea sweetie, we are the luckiest women on the face of this earth!

And it is all about the poop.

[BeFairNow]

Er, Wagadog? While you make a good point about access to health care in the UK, don't forget the other research that shows their kids are the unhappiest in the developed world - antidepressants are being doled out like skittles by doctors, while teenagers are developing cirrhosis of the liver from drinking too much alcohol, lung and heart problems from smoking, STD statistics for 16-25s are positively eye-watering and an 11 year old gave birth to a baby last year (or the year before) that was conceived when she was 10. Acknowledge the areas where the USA needs to do better but count your blessings too.

[Rosy]

My goodness. Motherhood is definitely challenging but it does not have to be *that* bad.

[Smirk]

Forewarned is forearmed. ;0)