David Feherty, CBS Golf Analyst, Unleashes Insane Nancy Pelosi Death Fantasy

Sweet sassy molassey! A column in the recent issue of D Magazine is freaking everybody out today, and with good reason! It contains the line:

From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.

Here's the amazing part! The column was written by David Feherty, who is best known as CBS' golf analyst. Yes. You read that correctly. CBS' GOLF ANALYST. Talk about a good walk spoiled!

"Mr. Feherty's violent comments about Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid are disgusting," said Media Matters president Eric Burns. "Suggesting that our troops would attack the leaders of the very democracy they've sworn to sacrifice their lives for is an insult to their integrity, honor, and professionalism. CBS Sports should demand its golf analyst apologize to our soldiers."

OK, so: context! The line comes in a larger article about President George W. Bush and wife Laura moving to the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow, and if I could sum up the theme of Feherty's piece in a sentence, it would be: "I, David Feherty, have an intense loathing of everyone who lives in this community and very soon, President Bush shall know of my pain and despair."

And now, a mea culpa! This article by Feherty is part of a larger collection of ruminations on Bush 43's return to Texas that have been available online for a long time, and which I mentioned back in the beginning of April. Somehow, and I don't remember how, Feherty's contribution to this effort escaped my attention. I sort of feel bad about this now, I can tell you!

Anyway, among the great works of Feherty that I haven't read is a book called An Idiot For All Seasons, so maybe he was encouraged to go for broke, throw every last stitch of intense, crazyfaced emotion he had in him at the page, and managed to strike gold with his insane Nancy Pelosi death fantasy. Here's a Brief and Lamentable Collection of Wackery that didn't quite rise to that level:

...I mean, what a nightmare of a time that was to be president of the United States! His two terms must have felt like the rest of the world had inserted the Washington Monument into him and it was his job to heave it out....

...I hate my neighbors because of their very proximity, or at least I hate the ones that want to talk to me who aren't doctors or gun dealers or who don't have their own airplanes....

...If I have to visit someone, he had better either be in jail or the hospital, and to be honest I'd prefer jail. I do golf commentary on CBS and sometimes star in television commercials wherein I jump on a trampoline while wearing a skirt....

...No, when I make it home, I slam the door behind me and peek out the letterbox to see if I've been spotted by any of the bastards who live nearby....

...Even with their Secret Service entourage, the Bushes are going to be besieged by herds of North Dallas McMansion-dwellers, more brown-nosed and full of BS than any longhorn. Nouveaux riche and face-lifted old-monied fossils alike will descend upon them like ants to the honeypot every time they set foot outside their door....

Feherty also offers us a brief glimpse into his political views:

I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage, and for stupid dancing in the end zone. I believe in the abolition of estate taxes and the Pickens Plan. I'd lower the legal drinking age and raise the driving age to 18 nationwide, make Kinky Friedman governor of Texas, and make all schools, public and private, start earlier with one hour of physical exercise.

So there you have it. Now you know what Crash Davis' "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days" monologue would have sounded like if it had been spoken by a thoroughly insane golf analyst, and not Kevin Costner.

UPDATE: CBS' Sports has responded, calling Feherty's column an "unacceptable attempt at humor."

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Comments

[Joseph A. Palermo]

10:18 AM on 05/14/2009

I think the Philadelphia Inquirer could also hire Jack Abramoff to write an ethics column and Bernie Madoff to write business op-eds

[ShootinTimez]

03:04 AM on 05/12/2009

To be honest here, the left-wing thinks that "all men are created equal" means that everyone should have the right to own a home or a plasma TV even though they didnt try in school , or didnt get the good job so now they cant afford it. "All men created equal" means they have the same rights not the same amount of money or job potential that they get from becoming educated. That is why left-wingers want to tax the rich and give it to the poor because the poor need it right? But the poor are poor for a reason, because they didnt make the right choices in life. What will make them spend this new money any different? Why the hell should some guy i dont know get a cut of my money that i worked hard for? Because he didnt try as hard as me? As for Pelosi her constant hostility towards the troops calling them "cowards" and saying they are dishonorable for killing insurgants. I mean really? These men are fighting and dying for HER COUNTRY THAT SHE SPEAKS FOR, give them some slack really they are defending us in a war, and whether or not we should be in it doesnt matter. Right now we are in a war and people want AMerica destroyed. It's time everyone acknowledged that and stopped whining and crying about whats going on in Iraq and Afghanistan.

[ShootinTimez]

01:25 AM on 05/12/2009

I love how in this article the journalist writes "Suggesting that our troops would attack the leaders of the very democracy they've sworn to sacrifice their lives for is an insult" but if you said the pledge of allegiance. It clearly says "And to the REPUBLIC for which it stands, one nation..." these liberals think they can justify themselves, they are communists and cannot fight wars so they have the real men fight them, i would do what the soldier in this joke does.

[Paton7]

09:22 PM on 05/11/2009

David should go back to drinking, then at least he'd have an excuse for making such a stupid remark. What was he thinking? Obviously, not much.

Frankly, I like David's work on the golf course. This issue opens up a side of him that really surprises me, especially since he's from Northern Ireland. He should know better.

Written words last forever and I'm afraid that this is going to taint his reputation. At the end of the day, I feel sorry for him. If this is the measure of his intellect, then he should have stuck to golf. He's close to giving John Daly a bad name.

[CBjumpmaster]

04:41 PM on 05/11/2009

Well...can I say that probably none of you even know David. I do know him. I am a wounded warrior in DC. I have been receiving treatment at Walter Reed for over a year. I have seen David at the hospital more than our newly president. He loves the troops and to say that its an insult to us. That is absurd. He has a very great sense of humor and always has the soldiers laughing. There are a lot of us who new the joke was meant to be funny. At the same time, I would say that I too feel the same way. Nancy Pelosi is a joke. She has no feelings towards our fellow brothers and sisters in the armed forces. She is a terrible person and even worse politician. I too would have done what the soldier in the joke would have done.

[shamcork]

01:23 PM on 05/11/2009

but does he want rush limbaugh to die? and does the president think its funny?

[Caymus77]

11:54 AM on 05/11/2009

As veteran,I find the characterization of an American Soldier gunning down the person who is #3 on the list of succession should our President and Vice President die in office treasonous,an incitement to violence,and disrespectful to the loyalty our troops have to this country and it's government.

[jackiekahane]

01:49 PM on 05/11/2009

It's a god damn lawyer joke. Remove lawyer, insert Pelosi & Reid. Don't you people get out?

[jackiekahane]

02:27 PM on 05/11/2009

Come on, Caymus. It's a lawyer joke. Replace lawyer with Pelosi.

[LucieLee]

08:24 AM on 05/11/2009

And the media was so concerned with Wendy Sykes comments about Rush Limbaugh at the WH Correspondents Dinner?!!! Good grief!!! Give me a break!!!!

[merrill1]

07:56 AM on 05/11/2009

1139 comments trying to understand the opinion/humor of a "golf analyst?" Same goes for "Ms. California"?Have we no standards? What is the goal in finding "logic" in statements from these sorts of people? Let them speak authoritatively about selling skin and golf.

[The Ghost]

08:13 AM on 05/11/2009

Condescension: the last refuge of small minds.

[Input]

11:15 AM on 05/11/2009

Wow! What an impressive addition to CBS Sports!
After we golf, let's go order America's finest to stage a coup on the Democratic Leadership.
Who is this hate-monger? And what does it say for CBS Sports if they condone this behaviour by keeping him employed?

[conserve joe]

01:56 PM on 05/11/2009

You guys crack me up. Two different views say almost the same thing yet one guy needs to be fired (Feherty) and the other one is just funny and the rest of the country needs to lighten up (Sykes). I think both are OK. I don't think everyone has to get all bent out of shape by a golf analyst and a comedian. The problem is that the right gets bent out of shape by Sykes' comments and the left gets all hurt about Feherty's comments. If everyone would listen to themselves, we might be able to accomplish a couple of things in this country instead of being so polorized. Geeeezzzz.

[USFreedomFighter]

03:52 AM on 05/11/2009

• Janeane Garofalo, Rosie O'Donnell , Randi Rhoades, Jamie Foxx, Sandra Bernhard, Jerimiah Wright, Wanda Sykes can shoot their mouths off say not only inflammatory but inaccurate trash and get free rides from their fellow comrades in the media, and racial alliances. Let us not forget the Golden Words of Wisdom of Janet Napolitano about OUR Military personnel, she should have been fired on the spot not to mention punched in the face.

Mr. Feherty was adult enough to realize he might have crossed the line and apologized for stating a sentiment in joke form, realizing there are actually sane people out there who realize how nasty Pelosi, Reid, Frank, Murtha not to mention their Messiah really are. Bodily harm is not an option but a good swift kick in their nasty butts would be great.

Mr. Feherty’s career might have taken an unfortunate turn, with his “joke”, but I can say we aren’t Golfers in this home, but Mr. Feherty has four new fans and our respect.

[PAposter]

05:46 AM on 05/11/2009

"I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage..." ~David Feherty

You see, USFreedomFighter, Mr. Feherty doesn't want your support, he wants you executed...however you do seem to have something in common: You are both self-loathing and are wrangling with the demons that are torturing your soul.

[moebetta]

06:42 AM on 05/11/2009

@FreedomFighter

Rosie O'Donnell:
Fired from The View

Randi Rhoades :
Fired from Air America

Jamie Foxx:
Apologized on National TV

Jeremiah Wright:
Comments played on National TV on a virtual loop for about 2 weeks while he was vilified and ostracized. Also stepped down as head of the church.

As for the other 2, I have no idea what you talking about.
As far as Nepolitano goes, I assume your referring to the report on right wing extremism.
Should she be punched in the face for trying to protect returning soldiers from being co-opted by right wing extremist as happened in the 90's? Did you even read the report?
EXCERPT
"DHS/I&A assesses that rightwing extremists will attempt to recruit and
radicalize returning veterans in order to exploit their skills and knowledge derived from
military training and combat. These skills and knowledge have the potential to boost the
capabilities of extremists—including lone wolves or small terrorist cells—to carry out
violence. The willingness of a small percentage of military personnel to join extremist
groups during the 1990s because they were disgruntled, disillusioned, or suffering from
the psychological effects of war is being replicated today."

Can you point to anything in that that is inaccurate, wrong or slanderous? If so please do.
Here is a link to the full report:
http://www.fas.org/irp/eprint/rightwing.pdf

[duncan2006]

12:35 AM on 05/11/2009

He called Tiger a loser as a joke and Tiger agreed and laughed as well. I watched it live. It was an obvious joke. I agree with his sense of how the soldiers feel. Our "Democratic" government is slowing carrying us away from the foundation our country was built on and our demise is well under way. Those same people are already trying to take guns out of returning soldiers hands. It is a shame an 18 year old can grab up a m16 and kill "insurgents" for our freedom, but get treated so badly when they return by our own people and government. Unfortunately, there will have to be a revolution to retake our country back and I hope it can come safely in a democratic fashion and not by overthrowing our own pathetic administration. You will never hear the real truth from the so called media in this country. Socialist or Communists? Hard to tell what they really are. He said something I probably wouldn't have said in public, especially with this media, but millions of us think the same way. Keep talking David, I enjoy hearing it.

[dizzypdx]

02:23 AM on 05/11/2009

Fine, let's talk about vets. Who excused the VA's health care policies? Who cut funding for the vets to pay for a war? Bush created more veterans and then didn't take care of them when they came home. Mental health funding was cut, despite mental health being a major issue for returning soldiers. Suicide rates went up due to lack of access. I would say that entire administration did more damage to veterans than anything else. This "pathetic administration" is led by a man who voted time and again in favor of both veterans and current soldiers during his time in the Senate.

[jimmyjones22]

02:33 AM on 05/11/2009

This vet thinks you're wrong. The nature of democracy is constant change. To suggest everything must remain the same since 1776 would be complete ignorance.

Change is the only constant - adapt and overcome or become republican.

[buddydave]

11:06 PM on 05/10/2009

Feherty also recently called Tiger Woods a "loser" to his face.

He's got less time on this earth than Pelosi and Reid in an elevator with the aforementioned "soldier with a gun."

[RW1911]

09:49 PM on 05/10/2009

I don't know about you guys, but I thought it was hilarious!

[The Ghost]

08:01 AM on 05/11/2009

So did your brothers on death row.

[RW1911]

09:37 PM on 05/11/2009

Actually, my brother's not on death row anymore. DNA proved his innocence after 23 years.

But yeah, he got a kick out of it too.

[RW1911]

09:45 PM on 05/10/2009

I don't know about you guys, but I thought it was hilarious.

[ESerafina42]

09:41 PM on 05/10/2009

Why does Republican/right-wing "humor" always involve violence and death?