Angry Former GOP Congressman Compares Cantor To Porn Star

Hey, kids! Remember how a couple weeks ago, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor was totally out of ideas, so he formed a new club with Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush called the National Council for a New America, and then went on a "listening tour" where the first and only stop was a restaurant called "Pie-Tanza" that wasn't even outside the Beltway? And there, they snacked on pizza and listened to each other say stuff that was basically indistinguishable from the stuff they had been saying all along, except this time, it was at a pizza place? Yeah. Those were good times. Like the movie Adventureland, only instead of sexy, disaffected college kids with sexy and disaffected hijinks at an amusement park, you have sad middle-aged men with sad middle-aged talking points at a pizza place.

Anyway, according to the American Spectator, not even the launch of this ambitious new experiment in soggy, third-rate rebranding succeeded in making Eric Cantor happy.

Cantor was most stung after last week's launch of what he termed a national "listening tour," when Stormy Daniels, an adult film actress, announced at the same time her own "listening tour" as she mulls a run for the Senate in Louisiana.

"Apparently it's true: great minds do think alike," quipped a former colleague of Cantor who lost his seat last election cycle, he believes, for supporting the Bush bank bailout plan at Cantor's request.

So there you have it, Eric Cantor apparently has a sad because people would much rather listen to pornstars! Of course, there's still the mystery of the identity of Cantor's snarky former colleague! Of the fourteen Republicans who lost election last year, there were only four who voted for the bailout bill: Chris Shays of Connecticut, Joe Knollenberg of Michigan, Jon Porter of Nevada, and Randy Kuhl of New York. Care to guess?

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Comments

[jarjarbush]

Wasn't Cantor in "Schindler's Fist"?

[repearwo]

Cantor as a Porn Star, I would watch that, but I would turn the sound down.

[openhand]

Attended a Britney Spears concert and he left his teenage daughter at home, wtf.

[roblabrousse]

Cantor is a weak cup of tea. He has nothing to offer anyone except hot air with a Virginian accent.

[DiogenesII]

Our Contract on America will be Revised and Repackage.
Henceforth, it will be named on "Contact" on America.

"WE'RE BRINGIN' SEXY BACK"

We've always had the tools in our pants , we just need to
hardened our resolve and improve our thrust and focus on
our strokes. Bachman, keep your helmet and strap-on polished.

Well, we've done a great job of not listening...let's get back to
our tea and obstructive agenda.

[ramal]

There is much that is pornographic about Cantor.

[HBD]

Well...he has been a real d***khead!

[LivInLove]

I stood next to Mr. Cantor in line one time, and I couldn't resist looking at his package.

[SiberianRat]

Ew.

[Rapid Ray]

I've always seen Cantor as a Snidely Whiplash without the mustache.

[SiberianRat]

He reminds me more of Katherine Hepburn in "On Golden Pond."

[MrsPeel]

I'm guessing it was Chris Shays.

[Bitsko]

Shades of Clarence Thomas. Funny that this paragon of virtue even knows who Stormy Daniels is, whoever that might be.

[Foreground]

To be fair, the fact that she's a former porn star who's considering a senate run has been moderately well covered in the past few months.

[totaldisbelief]

all Cantor can do is try to polish a t-rd.

[nowarpleez]

I can see him in a gay porn.

[ramal]

Funny, my gaydar goes off every time I hear him speak.

[roblabrousse]

No I can see him playing you in a flick where he's on leash owned by a Munchkin dominatrix.

[4KixAfter6]

Was it Cantor's mom?

[enriquecaliente]

The reason the listening tour crumbled was because Hoss Limbaugh, said that it shouldn't be a listening tour. So it died.