Dickipedia: Rick Perry

Dickipedia:

James Richard "Rick" Perry (born March 4, 1950) is the secession-happy governor of Texas, an outspoken Christian Conservative despite the fact that outspoken Christian Conservatism is so 2002, and a dick.

Rick Perry is the longest-serving governor in Texas history, making him one of the most influential people in a state primarily known for its barbecue, belt buckles, longhorn hood ornaments, and lethal injections of the mentally handicapped. As such, Perry has appointed nearly every state officer, board, or commission member a governor can appoint someone to, including five of the nine state supreme court justices. He also does most of the choreography for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Leathery and blow-dried, Perry easily lays claim to the title of "Most Bouffant U.S. Governor," especially now that Rod Blagojevich has officially been barred from holding the office ever again.

Recently, Perry has drawn attention for his criticism of the Obama administration's handling of the recession, and for turning down approximately $555 million in federal stimulus money. Though he has officially "said thanks, but no thanks" on that bridge-loan to nowhere, you can be sure that federal money will quietly find its way into state coffers anyway. Also, Texas isn't going secede any sooner than Jim Carey is going to win an Oscar.

In this, Rick Perry epitomizes all the Republicans who "vowed" to move to Canada if Barack Obama won the election, and before them, all the Democrats who said the same of a George W. Bush victory in 2004. As if Canada would even take them.

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Comments

[Anne1776]

Can I just mention, the people of Texas did not WANT Rick Perry for Governor. If you look at the results of the last gubernatorial race, you might notice that 60% of the votes were AGAINST Perry. Unfortunately instead of 2 people running, there was 4. And the people of Texas just got stuck with this guy. That won't happen in 2010. I anxiously await his defeat in the primary.

[janie@atthelake]

Another reason to dislike Perry--Texas Senate (repub.) just voted yes on guns on college campuses. Still has to pass the House.
They are asking for trouble...­.horrible.

[AmyK73]

You know what's even worse about our illustrous legislature passing that bill? At the same time, they defeated a statewide indoor smoking ban. So yes to guns, but no to protecting people from second hand smoke. Texas really is the death state. All I can say is at least I live in Austin, we already have a city mandated smoking ban. You can go out to eat and breathe deeply while you eat!

[PD1769]

Amy: So as someone who is considering a move to Austin someday, will I manage to be the same cultured, progressive independent thinker and admirer of diversity that I am here in California? Or will I have to succumb to the ignorant Glenn Beck acolytes and gun show fanatics that I fear will be neighbors of mine? Is Austin truly removed from the overall whackadoodleness that seems to be in some places from the Governor on down?

[janie@atthelake]

Amy, think the smoking ban has stalled. But!!! Nelson's PE bills look real good to go--this is a huge step forward for children of Texas.

[JulieSA]

Texas has a budget surplus, and the economy is doing relatively well here. People are leaving other states and moving here, and this is all because of our relative economic freedom.

You can laugh about Perry all you want, but look at actual results.

What Texas is doing is working. States like CA and MI are failing.

in 2008, MORE JOBS WERE CREATED IN TEXAS THAN IN ALL THE OTHER 49 STATES COMBINED.

Maybe Obama, who wants to "save or create" jobs, should look at what we're doing here.

[kshawNCvoter]

fail

[magnolialiberal]

Texas is the most underinsured state in the union. Lots of jobs that pay not so much, no insurance for workers.

[JulieSA]

What do mean by underinsured?

If the jobs are so crummy, then why is everyone moving here, and leaving other states? It's not like we have a nice climate. We have jobs and affordable housing that's been holding it's value relatively well. People are moving here for a reason.

[beautifuldisaster]

Then why Perry ALWAYS have his hand out for money from the Federal Government, especially around Hurricane season AND how come he BEGGED the FEDS for SWINE FLU help?

[JulieSA]

ALWAYS?

We all pay federal income taxes, and the CDC flu stockpile belongs to all of us. It was also in the best interests of all Americans to stop the epidemic.

All the states get some federal aid after big disasters--again, I want something back for the income taxes I paid.

What I resent is it looks like the taxpayers in states that are well-managed are going to have to help bail out CA for it's poor management. If it were federal disaster aid that would be fine, but we we'll be paying for their mismanagement.

Reward the irresponsible, and punish the responsible. That's what we'll be doing.

[zkazan]

Does he remind anyone else of Nixon?

[Raccoon1]

We can be thankful that his statement about secession has forever barred him from running for President.

[hemnebob]

can't wait til he crashes and burns.
one day there will be one of the paid off bumsters come out of the shadows and expose this texas
tomaine for what he really is.

don't worry...it­'s coming.

[Akat1973]

Rick Perry should just shut up already because he is taking federal money for flooding,&help with swine flu,and god knows what else!Plus let us see what do these taxes pay for?How about programs like social security,m­edicaid/me­dicare,fir­emen,polic­emen,roads­,our military.W­ell you know,all that good stuff!

[adobeman]

Don't forget either...t­hat Bexar County (San Antonio) also went Blue...alo­ng with the border counties..­including El Paso...

Its not just Austin anymore...­in fact there are so many people there from California, that its ruined the cost of living and the musicians have to live outside of Austin if they want to buy a home...

Rick Perry...AL­L HAIR and No Horse!

[JulieSA]

More jobs created in Texas than all the other 49 states combined in 2008.

Yes, Californians are ruining it here, as they're doing in every state in between. Californians are fleeing their failed state, but they bring their voting habits with them, forgetting the failed policies that ruined California.

[beautifuldisaster]

Then why Perry ALWAYS have his hand out for money from the Federal Government, especially around Hurricane season AND how come he BEGGED the FEDS for SWINE FLU help?

[oldgeek1]

WIth low tax's comes a second rate school system, ask Ross Perot. The so called business friendly state made its bones on cheap labor, you know the illegal aliens they are now crying about.

Texas, the home of a large number of Military installations and jobs, you know funded by the rest of the United States. Let us not forget the home of NASA, you know the government activity located 1,500 miles away from where we actually launch our space craft !

The loss of US Federal functions and jobs would come with their independence as well as their requiring passports for all who stay. Perhaps Texas can join OPEC and if they move across the boarder they will be the illegals.

How stupid is this.

[Oonagh]

Long horn... blowhard.

[armadillo]

Actually he is a Texas A&M blow hard. In more ways than you know.

To be exact he was a Aggie Yell Leader which at most schools means he was a cheer leader.

[imfedup]

Remind you of anyone else we know?

[pags62]

Texas is a business friendly state unlike alot of other states, It does not have a income tax, you get alot of house for your money, plus there are more fortune 500 companies headquartered there.

[entrenchedhoosier]

Another 5 day old May tr()ll.

[lysistrata]

What you don't pay in state income tax you pay in high property tax and lousy services. When you add it up you find you pay one way or other, you will pay.

[Jim Buckley]

SEEMS TO ME WE MITE ALL BENEFIT BY GIVING THIS MAN HOWIE MANDELL'S JOB.

[paulita]

"Also, Texas isn't going secede any sooner than Jim Carey is going to win an Oscar."

Hilarious but typo.. should read... Texas isnt going to secede... to is missing

[RevBookburn]

Perry should defect to an island full of fellow mental patients. Then he won't be rewarded for hearing voices, hallucinating angels and ruling from a throne of psychosis. He will receive the best possible treatment and medication. To help him feel at home, he can role-play executions with mannequins. Rev. Bookburn - Radio Volta

[geeegee]

I almost moved to Texas a while back so I could vote for Kinky Friedman against Rick Perry.
Smart, funny and visionary, I met the man once and thought he was the kindest human I have ever run across.