Boystown Gay Bar Bans Bachelorette Parties

CHICAGO (AP) -- Bar owner Geno Zaharakis sat one busy evening at the window of his gay nightclub, watching as groups of straight women celebrating bachelorette parties made their way along a strip of bars in Chicago's gay-friendly "Boystown" neighborhood.

That's when he made a decision now posted for all to see: "No Bachelorette Parties."

Though the small sign has been there for years, it's suddenly making a big statement amid the national debate over gay marriage. While most gay bars continue to welcome the raucous brides to be, Zaharakis's bar Cocktail is fighting for what he sees as a fundamental right, and his patrons - along with some peeved bachelorettes - are taking notice.

"I'm totally losing money because of it, but I don't want the money," Zaharakis said. "I would rather not have the money than host an event I didn't believe in."

Gay bars are popular with bachelorettes, both for the over-the-top drag shows that some offer and for the ability to let loose in a place where women are unlikely to be groped or ogled. Some bars welcome the women and their free spending, even advertising weekend shows.

Zaharakis, though, instructs his bouncers to turn away groups of women sporting beads, boas, tiaras and phallic plastic necklaces. His customers say they like knowing they're not going to encounter such displays.

"It is throwing it in our face that they can get married and we can't," said Dion Contreras, a 29-year-old Chicago litigation manager, while having a drink at Cocktail with friends. "I just think they're ignorant to our situation. I want women to think twice about this issue."

When Zaharakis posted the sign in 2004, it got a little local attention, but it was mostly the surprised bachelorettes turned away at the door who took note. The November passage of California's gay marriage ban Proposition 8, though, helped sparked chatter about the ban on Internet blogs, which in turn attracted more media attention and debate.

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The California Supreme Court upheld the state ban last month. Six states have legalized gay marriage.

Some of the biggest proponents of gay marriage aren't on board with Zaharakis' approach.

Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, said while he agrees with Zaharakis' stand on marriage equality, he would express it differently.

"I'd rather invite people in," Wolfson said. "Celebrate their happiness and ask them to take a stand for us by helping change the law."

And Ed Yohnka of the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois - well-known for fighting for the legalization of gay marriage - says the ban may violate state anti-discrimination laws.

"The way is not to bar or discriminate against or harass other people," Yohnka said.

In Washington D.C., when bachelorette partygoers enter the gay bar Town Danceboutique they're asked to sign a petition in support of gay marriage. Owner Ed Bailey sends the petitions to the customer's representative in Congress. Bailey says in the year he's had his petition policy, no one has refused to sign.

"That's the way to handle it instead of alienating all these people," Bailey said. "You have to get the consensus built out there. Why not try to convince people, 'Hey, why wouldn't you support this?'"

Down the street from Chicago's Cocktail, another gay nightclub, Circuit, welcomes bachelorettes. Owner Jeff Binninger doesn't think the women's antics are meant to hurt anyone.

"The girls want to come and see the dancers," Binninger said. "I don't think it's on their mind at all, 'We can get married and, oh, you can't.' I don't think the girls are malicious in their intent."

Where Zaharakis took offense, Binninger saw a market niche and started producing the male revue "Sinzation" on Saturday nights, advertised specifically to bachelorette parties.

One recent Saturday night, 25-year-old Tiffany Casto of Canton, Mich., and eight girlfriends waited for the male dancers to start the show. Casto wore a hot pink feather boa, while her friends had matching white sunglasses, reflecting the dozen disco balls spinning from the ceiling as Beyonce's "Single Ladies" played.

"I wouldn't think I'm flaunting it at all," Casto said.

But Zaharakis is standing firm. At Cocktail, where about once a month staff turn away bachelorettes, the sign will stay. And for those who ask about it, he's ready with a written statement: "Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it's fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail."

"I'm not going to tell anybody about how to run their business," Zaharakis said. "This is just how I run mine. The political climate has made it more charged. We're standing up in our factions and groups and making statements about how this should stop."

---

On the Net:

Cocktail Bar Chicago: http://www.cocktailbarchicago.com/

Circuit Night Club: http://www.circuitclub.com/

Town Danceboutique: http://www.towndc.com/

-ASSOCIATED PRESS

Comments

[superstition]

"Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it's fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail."

Absolutely.

[superstition]

Obama deputy campaign manager abandons DOMA & DADT as priorities
http://www.americablog.com/2009/07/obama-deputy-campaign-manager-abandons.html

"After two weeks of the Obama White House reeling over the gay backlash caused by the anti-gay DOMA brief, which compared gay marriage to incest and pedophilia, we now have...

First, that the burden for doing anything pro-gay in the remaining three and a half years of the Obama administration is now shifted to Congress. Obama has no role whatsoever, and no power to influence anything, even though he's still the leader of the free world.

Second, the three big gay rights priorities that Congress should be focusing on do not even include what have organically become the community's top two priorities: repealing DOMA and Don't Ask Don't Tell. They're not even mentioned in the Obama deputy's essay."

[BoyInBOYCOTT]

The problem of straight bachlorette groups coming to gay bars with male strippers. The straight bars with male strippers CHARGE A COVER, the gay bars didn't.So CHEAP bridal parties would swarm into gay bars, and monopolise all the space near the strippers, and it turned off the gay patrons who'd go to another gay bar.

[sprtakis69]

I think he has a valid point, but I'd rather he do the petition signing myself. The religious right has their signature gatherers out in every state trying to stop gay marriage. Gay bars are one place you should be able to get a lot of the needed signatures for gay marriage.

[Crass Innuendo]

Should, but I doubt you would. Honestly my experiences in life have never failed to reaffirm the fundamental hypocrisy of a largely religious culture. The women are there for a lark, a "minor sin" which can be easily dismissed while they continue to condemn the "lasting sin" of love and commitment between other people of the same sex.

I agree with Zaharakis: stop accomodating the oppressor.

[menmykoko]

He should do both. Have the patrons sign the petition and they can have their parties, or they can take their business elsewhere--as long as he can afford it. Nothing wrong it that.

[Joehio]

The issue with the dancers isn't so unusual. There is a bar in Phoenix that I heard has had similar problems. In fact, they don't even consider themselves a gay bar, but they put ads in gay publications all the time. Many, if not most, of the male strippers are straight, and the social dynamic in the bar on nights when there are a lot of women in there is, uhh, awkward at best. Also, the straight strippers often don't like gay men feeling them up, but will do all kinds of things with the women. I think in this case, the bar just needs to stop advertising to gays and try to survive off whatever income they can get from women bargoers. But I know they won't be able to keep their doors open without the gay clientele. Thus the problem.

[jtchicago]

The bar in the article is in area of town surrounded by gar bars so your suggestion seems to lack logic

[benne]

If he wants to do this, fine. I think it's weird though since there's no evidence that the patrons mind.

[Eric8869]

Patrons do mind - they leave when a group of loud obnixious girls invades a bar.

[FdeBear]

Bad business decision. The emotional response the owner feels is experienced by his gay patrons is just petty jealousy. It's unreasonable. I refuse to beleive that gays walk around obsessed and emotionally vulnerable about the current political situation. It is changing. I do understand that many may feel "their space" being invaded because it's unlikely that they could have such a party at a straight bar. Yet there are solutions as suggested in many of these posts. As a black female, I can understand the alienation some gays may feel. Many times I have envied what I felt was the free and easy behavior of many whites. White kids getting away with stuff, I know I'd be arrested for. When traveling abroad in the so-called "Third World", it really pissed me off to see how nonwhites over there would just "fawn" over the whites and ignore me. I've also been "befriended" by whites so they could gain entry into a world otherwise unavailable to them -then abandoned. Hey, that's life. You cannot paint people with a broad brush. There's no satisfaction in bitterness. I don't think it should be the basis of a business decision. By the way, when I'm out and about, "bachelorette" party's bug me sometime - but its not about gender or the occaision being celebrated. It just ain't my style. Everybody party! Life is stressful enough.

[klandish]

You pointed out one of the biggest issues (tho unspoken) Heterosexuals feel entitled in a way Gay people never do. Not only are Gays not allowed to "express" themselves in Straight bars they are not allowed to express themselves in Straight Society. In my town where we have a Gay section Straight people visit holding hands, kissing and expressing affection openly. Nothing is wrong with this inherently but if Gay couples were to do the same outside of this geographic area they would be ridiculed or hurt.

[CherrySpring]

I have to stay away from these stories and comment boards. As a straight female, and an advocate for gay rights (all encompassing) I'm picking up on a strong air of resentment toward straights, and gay men's resentment toward women (not all, but enough). There are too many blanket statements that are so cruel it seems the goal is not to keep straight advocates, but to push them away. I don't want to be pushed away, but I don't want to made to feel like superficial, insensitive trash either. I was refreshed by Ed Bailey's stance on working with straight women to fight for equal rights, and totally let down by 90% of the comments that followed the story.

[sturzl]

Hey Cherry, nice post. I'm really torn about this too. After reading this I can see the bar owner's point. It is, unintentionally, rubbing marriage in our faces, but it's also, unintentionally, pissing off some of our best allies in the fight for equality. Maybe if the sign explained the situation better, maybe straight women would be a little more understanding. I don't know.

Knowing women who have held parties at gay clubs, I know they like the security of letting their hair down and going wild without having to worry about jerks hitting on them. I also know that many gays can't stand the one or two women in the party who say really stupid stuff to the other patrons or sit there with horrified looks on their faces. Although many gays find it amusing too. It's a pickle.

[Eric8869]

Gay men love straight women. Show up at a gay bar with your gay friend and YOU will get lots more attention than he does. (unless he's super hot that is) Gay men love to party with the ladies.

What they don't want is a GROUP of them acting obnoxious.

[Skylar Baker-Jordan]

I heard about this a few months ago and I promise you that the next time I'm in Chicago, I'll be having a night out on the town at Cocktail. As a gay man, it DOES break my heart when I see bachelorette parties at the gay bars/clubs, because it reminds me of everything I can't enjoy. It reminds me of the fact that I'm still a second-class citizen and the fact that many, many people think their relationships are more valuable and sacred than mine simply because of the genders of the two involved. It's like that at every wedding I go to, as well.

It's not discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender, either. The owner isn't saying straight people can't come to the club, or that women aren't welcome. He's simply saying no bachelorette parties. Big difference.

[KarlaElisa]

As a straight chick who supports full civil equality, I think this is the stupidest stance I've ever heard of taking to make a point.

Knowing this bar owners biases and attitude now, I'd NEVER consider setting foot in his establishment, bachelorette party or not.

The idea is to WELCOME all sexualities in the interest of fostering a better relationship between the 2 communities and this is a very divisive tactic. I'm inclined to believe it does have more to do with gay men getting angry they too can't fondle the strippers. How bout there just be a rule that NOBODY fondle anybody publicly?....I'd rather think that should be the accepted norm anyhow. Not every stripper, male or female, is a bloody prostitute and half of the straight peoples argument against Gays is when they see openly vulgar sexual behavior...not hand holding or a kiss but publicly making out and feeling each other up...something they don't care to see straights doing publicly with each other as well.

Have fun for sure but a modicum of respect people....tuck your buck and then remove your paw....

[Eric8869]

Gay people get beaten up, harassed, killed for just holding hands. Straight people can share casual affection with each other everywhere.

give me a break.

PS: cocktail doesn't need your business.

[FdeBear]

Not.! Let's not make this a pity party. You know gays aren't the only ones that are the target of hate crimes and public displays of affection are not approved of by everyone. If you don't own Cocktail, don't make a business decision for them! They want business. Period. I'm sure they don't NEED your patronage either.

[hellinahandcart]

No KarlaElisa, the idea is not to WELCOME all sexualities... a gay bar is a GAY bar. Gays want their own bars because they're typically not welcome at straight bars--particularly if they're obviously gay-- and because they want to cruise the gender they're attracted to, w/out problems occurring. I understand perfectly how these men feel because I really hate it when straight boys come to Lesbian bars and oogle the Lesbians, act obnoxious, and often hit on some of the Lesbians.
I understand that this article isn't about keeping straights out of gay bars, but you're being terribly assumptuous by telling gay bar owners what the idea is. If you're someone in the majority, walking into the minorities' world, don't start trying to tell the minorities what is and what isn't.

[carsntrucks]

Yet another example of gay hypocrisy.

[SuPaMan]

what was the first example?

[Eric8869]

Ignore him he posts phobic things on every gay story

[mag68]

Gay hypocrisy is you hiding in your closet obsessing on every gay topic on this site.

[atlantajoe]

But we have a true progressive in the White House now so Equality for all is on the way.

[Eric8869]

we'll see - Obama is at the tipping point on gay rights right now

[wordhorder]

If by true progressive you mean someone who's staffers compare marriage equality to incest and bestiality than you are correct. Obama is no longer a friend, he is an acquaintance at best.

[peanut2005]

I am a straight women/business owner and find these women/partys very annoying. I think they go because it's "cool" to party at a gay bar. Well..wouldn't it be cool if they had the same rights as us? Absolutely!

[mcn4165]

As a gay man that has been to Cocktail many times, I can let you know what the real issue is here. Its not about the gay marriage thing. The real problem is this: Most of the strippers in the gay bars are straight men and they spend most of their time socializing or trying to pick up these women. Many of the strippers will let these women do anything they want with them but if a guy trys to put his hand in the guys shorts or whatever, they stop them. This pisses off alot of the men off and they refuse to tip the strippers. The solution is that the bar either needs to hire only gay strippers or only allow straight strippers that will treat the gay men the same as the women. The picture with this article is from Sinzation which is geared towards bachelorette parties. They have fired a few of the strippers for having sex at these events with the women. So its a little phony that this issue is being made about gay marriage versus straight marriage. These women that come to these bars are only looking to have a good time and are not responsible for gay men/lesbians not having the right to marry.

[whocan]

a little side bar her.. Boystown is in or near Wrigleyville... Sox fans call Wrigley Field the largest gay bar in the world