Donald Rumsfeld: Dickipedia

Dickipedia/HuffPost Comedy:

Donald Henry Rumsfeld (born July 9, 1932) is a businessman-politician, politican-businessman, the 13th Secretary of Defense, the 21st Secretary of Defense, and a dick.

As Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld boasts several dick distinctions, or "dickstinctions."

First, he served in the cabinets of both Gerald Ford and George W. Bush, arguably the two douchiest presidents in U.S. history. Well, okay, maybe Martin Van Buren, but at least he had bitchin' sideburns.

Rumsfeld is both the youngest and oldest person ever to hold the Defense Secretary post, as well as the second longest serving, behind fellow dick Robert McNamara. Lastly, he is the only Secretary of Defense to have the former heads of each branch of the U.S. military call for his resignation.

So profound is the scope of Donald Rumsfeld's dickery, in other words his "dick breadth," that the country will continue to smell it for years to come.

Read the whole story: Dickipedia/HuffPost Comedy

Comments

[somefool]

OMG that was funny. But to be fair to Rumsfeld, isn't most m@sturbation cl@ndistine?

I had never heard of Dikipedia before.

[instagladiator]

To para-phrase one of my favorites, Stuart Smalley:

Folks, don't be too hard on ole Dawnie, he was abused as a child and I do believe he has thoughts like these:

"I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with."

Why?

"Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! (don't they?)"

[dachfr]

Carter was elected in 1976 not 1978. Otherwise terrific!

[jazzybo]

Someone needs to introduce this bum to some toothpaste.

[stanschurman]

The man who sloughed off the slaughter of thousands of Iraqi civilians as "stuff happens" and "democracy is messy".

[stanschurman]

And shook Saddam's hand even as he was gassing his own citizens.

[liberalbug]

The guy has blood on his hands, no doubt. I often wonder if we were shown not only the caskets of returning soldiers throughout this whole Iraq lie, but also the blown apart bodies of innocent children and civilians, blind supporters of the war would have continued waving their flags without asking any questions.

[stanschurman]

Rumsfeld, the man who made sure a poison (Aspartame) was not banned.

[Onandon]

Look at the yellow chompers on this Satanic wretch.

[RangeMoor]

I love this quote, by a Jamaican op-ed columnist, John Maxwell in 2004, during the election:

"And then there are the men surrounding Bush: Ashcroft, the fundamentalist prude with an appetite for shutting up and locking down people outside of the law, the constitution and the country; Rumsfeld, the dashing fly boy on leave from a Douglas Fairbanks war film who thought looting was good clean fun; Colin Powell, the designated adult in the Cabinet, whose patina of credibility has corroded to grimy verdigris; Dick Cheney, who - I have on good authority - is definitely not related to Lon Chaney, the ghoul of early horror movies; (Lon Chaney needed LOTS of make-up to frighten people) and, of course, the Ayatollah, Karl Rove, a spoiled brat with Napoleonic fantasies, the man who brought you the George Bush show originally; the main architect of the electoral skulduggery, the gerrymandering in Texas, the vote-stealing and intimidation in Florida and elsewhere."

[stanschurman]

I wish I had said that...and in fairness to Lon Chaney, he was a nice guy off-screen..as were most movie villains. The real-life ghouls were in the White House from 2001 to 2009.

[oregonrain]

I would really like the war crimes trials to begin soon . Think of all the money we would save , after they are convicted , we wont have to pay their health care , or , pensions. No more wasted tax dollars for criminal politicians.

[oregonrain]

I know , Rumsfeld wasnt an elected official , but , a cabnet member. They are ALL politicians.

[budmurray]

The saddest part of all this is that Rummie will never ever even consider that he made serious
country threatening mistakes. When I was thirteen years old someone told me that you waste time when you tell a jerk he's a jerk. In his case that is frustratingly true. That we survived Rumsfeld is a
testimony to this country's greatness.

[stanschurman]

There was a song called "You Jerk" and one of the lines was "How come jerks don't know they're jerks". I assume that Rumsfeld was the inspiration for this song.

[Moshe]

Rumsfeld gave us an illegal and disastrous war, torture, and other war crimes, and this:

U.S. MILITARY DEATHS (IRAQ): 4,329
U.S. MILITARY WOUNDED (IRAQ): 31,431
IRAQI CIVILIAN DEATHS: 151,000
'EXCESS' IRAQI DEATHS: 655,000

Rumsfeld is a war criminal and he has committed crimes against humanity on a massive scale.

There should be no peace for Rumsfeld until there is justice for his victims. No one should be able to orchestrate an illegal war, torture, and war crimes resulting in the unnecessary deaths of so many and then just be allowed to walk away from it.

Further, if Rumsfeld's acts are not punished, the impunity he enjoys will assure that these autrocities will be repeated in the future by other tyrants.

When will humanity say no to these bloody criminals and hold them accountable for their crimes?

[oregonrain]

Good ole rummy....... remember these words???? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/31/AR2007103103095.html?hpid=topnews

[disintaGreatNation]

Donald H. Rumsfeld set the stage for Iraqi prisoners to be abused by American security forces.
By his own testimony, we know that Rumsfeld ordered an Iraqi prisoner to be held in secret for more than seven months, a violation of the Geneva Conventions and perhaps a violation of 18 U.S.C. § 2441.
At a June 2004 press conference, Rumsfeld stated that George Tenet, then Director of Central Intelligence, requested that an Iraqi detainee be hidden from the International Committee of the Red Cross.
At that news conference, Rumsfeld stated that he complied with Tenet's request by ordering the U.S. military to hold the detainee in secret. Reportedly, the military secretly held that "ghost detainee" for more than seven months.
"We were asked not to immediately register the individual, and we did that," Rumsfeld said.

[DoIReallyNeedAScreenName]

and the same f*cknut that got aspartame approved by the FDA after 16 years of saying that it was not safe for human consumption....just another trail of bodies in his wake...

[Hirnlego]

There's something wrong with his dickipedia page. It has an beginning as it should but it also has an end..

[Ascoli]

Somebody please smack that laughing face.

[stanschurman]

Wear gloves. Something might rub off.

Stephen King couldn't have invented this guy.