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Donald Rumsfeld: Dickipedia

10/19/2009 09:21 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Donald Henry Rumsfeld (born July 9, 1932) is a businessman-politician, politican-businessman, the 13th Secretary of Defense, the 21st Secretary of Defense, and a dick.

As Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld boasts several dick distinctions, or "dickstinctions."

First, he served in the cabinets of both Gerald Ford and George W. Bush, arguably the two douchiest presidents in U.S. history. Well, okay, maybe Martin Van Buren, but at least he had bitchin' sideburns.

Rumsfeld is both the youngest and oldest person ever to hold the Defense Secretary post, as well as the second longest serving, behind fellow dick Robert McNamara. Lastly, he is the only Secretary of Defense to have the former heads of each branch of the U.S. military call for his resignation.

So profound is the scope of Donald Rumsfeld's dickery, in other words his "dick breadth," that the country will continue to smell it for years to come.

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