Explaining The 'Birther' Conspiracy

Earlier this morning, I joined Jezebel's Megan Carpentier for another one of those early morning online chats known as Crappy Hour. We used the occasion to muse on all things "Birther," because they are, "so hot right now." Hot like a steamy, mindless pit of insanity. Anyway, it got me thinking: these Birthers basically assume a vast, complicated conspiracy, through which countless individuals, of varying degrees of power and station, have managed to fool the entire nation into electing a guy from Africa as our President. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY THE PERFECT PLAN. But what it's lacking is its narrative, its story. So, I made with some on-the-fly imaginings. It's not much, but I thought you'd enjoy the first scene of "O BIRTHER, WHERE ART THOU: The Incredible Psychosis-Based Story Of How Some People Somehow Managed To Get A Kenyan Dude Elected President, For Some Reason."

LIGHTS UP on SOME GUY and SOME OTHER GUY

SOME GUY: Hey! I know this lady, she's given birth to a Kenyan. What do you say we make him President?

SOME OTHER GUY: Uhm...it's like, 1960. We are never going to get a black guy elected President.

SOME GUY: Trust me! We can totally do this!

SOME OTHER GUY: Okay, why does it have to be a Kenyan? Why not just some black guy here, in America? I mean, this just seems needlessly pointless and convoluted and hard.

SOME GUY: I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST HAS TO BE THIS KENYAN.

SOME OTHER GUY: Okay, well, you know, of course, that Kenyans can't be President. So, are we going to convene a Constitutional convention or something?

SOME GUY: No, I just thought we'd get a bunch of government officials, from both parties, at the Federal, state, and local level, to all help with this, for little to no money, for forty years. And obviously, we'll need to be constantly inculcating people in this cabal, including people who aren't even born yet. And we'll all have to stay quiet about it, and not let anyone know. But, yeah, we can totally do this.

Story continues below

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SOME OTHER GUY: Okay. And what would be the point to this? What's the outcome we're seeking?

SOME GUY: I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST IDEA!

This is a story with a moral, and it is this: the press needs to place the burden for explaining how all of this was supposed to work and what it was intended to accomplish squarely on these crazy people, which is where it belongs. Then, of course, point cameras at them. Because, yay!

RELATED
Crappy Hour: Obama Birthers Bring The Crazy To The Airwaves...And No One Is Immune [Jezebel]

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Comments

[kellyanne]

While I am not at all convinced that Obama was born in Kenya, I find it troubling that he has so many of his records sealed.

The document that he put on his web site is his "certification of live birth". What he should show is his "certificate of live birth".

My brother was born while my parents were living outside of the US. When they returned, they registered his birth with their home state and were given a "certification of live birth" from THAT STATE. On file with the state is his ORIGINAL "certificate of live birth" from his birth country.

Someone quoted the "factcheck.org" response as proof that the issue had been settled. Unfortunately factcheck.org is dead wrong on this. As proof that a "certification of live birth" is the SAME as a "certificate of live birth", they note that the state department accepts either for a passport application. But what they fail to recognize is that the requirement for a passport is that one must be a CITIZEN. But the presidency requires that you must be a NATURAL BORN CITIZEN. Being a citizen is not sufficient.

But what I find most appalling about this issue is that Obama campaigned on the promise of transparency, yet doesn't apply that standard to himself. And that says something about his character that I cannot admire. To paraphrase the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I judge him on the content of his character.

[maziet]

I recall a furor over Sen. McCain that went to the Supreme Court to determine his citizenship and eligibility to be president. He had to produce his records. My daughter, born in Germany to two US citizens in the military, had difficulty getting her driver's license in Oregon with the US government issued certificate of birth abroad. This document was required by the US State Dept. to get her birth certificate and original US passport, but it wasn't sufficient for Oregon. Her birth certificate issued from the U.S. State Dept. was required in Oregon. Why is our president reluctant to provide his records, especially for transparency? Why wasn't he required as Sen. McCain or other U.S. citizens are required? If he has nothing to hide, why not address the question fully? A document on the internet is insufficient proof. I can imagine the fallout if he was found not naturally born, but if we are to abide by our Constitution and expect others to do so, then we should expect the same for our president. His birth records are important. Don't discount the concerns of people because of fear of the possible outcome or election satisfaction. If it was a concern over one candidate, it should be for all, even after one becomes president. It wasn't frivolous before the election, so why is it now?

[mariko]

Wow...this is really scary. My comment that disagreed with you, which shown last night is not on today. So much for freedom of speech, Jason. In fact, I am noticing that several of the posts that disagreed with you are gone. Yikes. We are being a Socialist country.

[Grim Truth]

Here's Jason's poll that links to this article:

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/07/24/hot-seat-obamas-birth-certificate/

Lets see how long this lasts.

[fem56]

I live with the believe that most people are reasonably sane until I go on the AOL blog sites, especially the Daily Sheet which seems to attract wackos, and then I am convinced that most people are bigoted or delusional. The solution is to not read these comments. Obama's birth certificate was put online long ago but humans can find evidence for just about anything if they try hard enough.

[fem56]

I live with the believe that most people are reasonably sane until I go on the AOL blog sites, especially the Daily Sheet which seems to attract wackos, and then I am convinced that most people are bigoted or delusional. The solution is to not read those comments. Obama's birth certificate was put online long ago but humans can find evidence for just about anything if they try hard enough.

[HowthCastle]

I've got it figured out. He's really a Suliban. You know, those star-hopping terrorists from the tv series Star Trek Enterprise. They serve as foot soldiers in that altercation known as the Temporal Cold War, and take their orders from that mysterious guy in the future. That explains why he and his minions are not constrained by ordinary causality in time and space. They even put fake birth announcements in the Honolulu newspapers in 1961, knowing that he would be nominated for president in 2008.

[sheaintsayin]

I used to hang out with those same guys, way, way back in my purple haze days...far out!

[ckfred]

My mother used to explain the difference between my grandfathers. My paternal grandfather would rather be right than president, and her father, my maternal grandfather, would rather be president than right.

In other words, my paternal grandfather would be agreeing with President, that no one has to see the damned birth certificate. If no one will accept the President's assertion that he was born in Hawaii, then they can just go to hell.

My materal grandfather, who was a farmer and hated the USDA trying to tell him how to run his farm, would have been of the opinion that, while it's no one business, showing the birth certificate will get those pesky conservatives to go away for a while.

I look at it this way. My parents moved to a retirement community in 2007. While cleaning out the house, they found my original birth certificate, signed by the doctor, with my foot prints. It also indicated the I am "legitimate." I now have it in my safe, along with the certified abstract that I obtained in 1995, when I applied for a passport.

In fact, when I needed my birth certificate last year, I used the original, rather than the abstract.

One has to assume that President Obama must have found the original certificate, when he cleaned out his mother's residence after her death. So, one has to wonder why the abstract, rather than the original, was released to the media.

[geomcdaniel]

If Obama is a natural born citizen, as is required by our Constitution, then why doesn't he just give us this proof. It should be required that he, or anyone else seeking the Presidency, do so, There are many other documents sealed. WHY? If he has nothing to hide, why the secrecy? He could end all of this in a hurry.

[jackswastedlife]

He did! Read this:
http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/born_in_the_usa.html

[Alexjonesfan]

The document released by the Obama camp is a “certification of live birth”. It is a printout of data stored in a database on official state stationary. An infinite amount of these could be printed. In response to the growing controversy, the Obama camp released this document to Annenburg’s FactCheck.org, an organization he had/has a relationship with. It is as they claim an “authentic document”.

The document that Philip Berg and others sued to see is the certificate of live birth (certificate, not certification). It is the document that the doctor signed at the time of his birth. There is only one original document of this type. The Obama legal team fought successfully to keep this document from being released. Hawaiin officials countered critics by saying that they had seen Obama’s Certificate of Live Birth and stated that it was a valid birth certificate . However, state officials would not reveal where the document stated he was born. They were playing lawyer parsing word tricks. They were spinning.

Obama could have made this controversy disappear by releasing the “vault birth certificate”. Instead he allowed this matter to fall into the same Supreme Court (Anthony Scalia) that installed George Bush in 2000. Why?

Pictures of documents and additional media: (personal blog)
http://edwardrynearson.wordpress.com/a-tale-of-two-documents/

[Mustang Sally]

LOL - one of your better flights of fancy!

[lmpub]

Nice summary of this "Birther" nonsense!

[oregonbird]

It isn't just the right that gets things wrong.

On Countdown tonight, the question was: Why is the birther belief picking up steam?

The guest, Charles Pierce, explained, that no, it wasn't the internet's fault, it was the MSM itself that perpetuated myths. David Schuster, the guest host, lost his cool and attacked. "It isn't the MSM floating it, it's Liz Cheney who refuses to say 'This is garbage!'" Then Schuster asked if there was a racial component to "all this."

Mr. Pierce sighed. I could SO relate. This is news? How many times does the MSM intend to go over the same ground?

"Why should we believe Liz Cheney on anything, when she lies about this?" asked Schuster.

"I'm not the one who books her."

"You're getting this all wrong!" yelled Schuster. (who I honestly thought was a decent newsman, until this moment.) "She's never been on my show! We've invited her repeatedly to come on, she refuses..."

"Right."

Schuster insisted Liz Cheney was a leader in the GOP, and the guest disagreed. "She's a prominent Republican because she's been made a prominent Republican on TV."

True. How many weeks ago were you happily unaware that Lizzie existed?

Mr. Pierce is an author, and obviously expected to tout his book, which apparently had some attachment to the subject. Schuster, in a display of rancour and childish pique, refused to allow even a mention of the book's title.

Come back soon, Keith Olbermann.

[bowthai]

I like KO too, but is he really any better? All these guys are responsible for perpetuating the birther nonsense by constantly referencing it and making it an issue. It's not a legitimate story and MSM needs to stop treating it as such.

[Indie2008]

"Birthers", "Teabaggers"-- why don't they just drop the pretense and call themselves "Racists"!

[Alexjonesfan]

Stop calling people names and answer their questions?

[Thomas DeSalvo]

with so many posing the question of his place of birth and constitutional right to be President of the United States, why not just put it all to rest and actually release the information. He has had time by now, considering all of the resources at his beck and call to at least produce a convincing fake. A certificate of live birth is not a birth certificate. It only proves he "was born." That much is obvious! Produce the "Birth Certificate" proving his Step-Grandmother was lying when stating she witnessed his birth in Kenya. A simple piece of paper would put this situation to rest. Racism is not even a consideration. Place of birth was only a concern when it applied to McCain.

[Dosadi]

This is racism my friends. These people don't have the guts to come out and speak their minds so they grasp on to this "birther" movement. This is their way of "lynching" a black man. They don't feel that he has the right to be their president because he is black but they don't have the guts to say so.

[talkinhedz]

Was it racisim when the Left questioned McCain because he was born IN Panama?
To tell the truth..I think if a man is a citizen for a defined number of years, he/she should be allowed to run. My question was always..was he from the Philipines, Hawaii, Kansas, or Kenya..was he raised by a 'typical white woman" or his mom? My grandfather was born in Hungary.and he would have made a good leader.

[huntunseasun]

So if Hawaii has the birth certificate, whether blocked from crazies for whatever reason, Hmm. I find it interesting that Hawaii would have his Kenyan birth certificate, wouldn't you?

Hmm. If Obama's mother had Obama in Kenya, then wouldn't she have had to use her passport between the years of 60 and 62? Wouldn't the government have those records? Oh. yeah. Right. The American government has been protecting a black man's right to be president since the early 60's. Uh. Yeah. Right.

I have more ways of uncovering your stupidity, but I'll leave it there for now. Don't bother answering this. I've given you your homework assignment. Now, get to work. Chop, chop.

[JJennifer]

Dosadi said "This is racism my friends."
What is all this racism talk, race is irrelevant in America and has been since the 1960's, but you gotta keep bringing it up all the time, don't you? Nobody cares.
What we do care about is the fact that his man has spent more money in a few months than all presidents combined from George Washington THROUGH George Bush including all the wars.
What we do care about is the fact that this man wants to ram through cap and trade which will tax everybody in the US massive amounts of money and add to Obama's already double digit unemployment, especially in the black community after he promised not a dime more in taxes.
What we do care about is the fact that this man wants to ram through Obamacare that will ration care, drive up costs and further impoverish America when he and his family get their health care paid by you and me.
We don't care about his color, we care about the content of his character that Republican Martin Luther King talked about.
That's all.

[floridagal2]

G. Gordon Liddy was on Hardball today talking about the Obama birth certificate not being valid because it is not the "birth certificate." Instead, he said, it is a "certificate of live birth."

Well, that's what mine says. It says "certificate of live birth." I dragged it out and looked at it today.

I don't think this flap is about not presenting a "real" birth certificate. Its a smoke screen brought up by GOP people with a few brain cells bringing up an issue that people with hardly any brain cells can latch onto. That way the attention is diverted from health care and other issues.

[talkinhedz]

True..but why did Pres. Obama have his blocked when he went to Hawaii?

[huntunseasun]

So if Hawaii has the birth certificate, whether blocked from crazies for whatever reason, Hmm. I find it interesting that Hawaii would have his Kenyan birth certificate, wouldn't you?

Hmm. If Obama's mother had Obama in Kenya, then wouldn't she have had to use her passport between the years of 60 and 62? Wouldn't the government have those records? Oh. yeah. Right. The American government has been protecting a black man's right to be president since the early 60's. Uh. Yeah. Right.

I have more ways of uncovering your stupidity, but I'll leave it there for now. Don't bother answering this. I've given you your homework assignment. Now, get to work. Chop, chop.