Goldman Sachs' Spoof Memo In The New Yorker

Ever wish you could be a fly on the wall at a Goldman Sachs board meeting? The New Yorker has come up with a hilarious spoof of a Goldman internal memo.

The piece purports to comes directly from CEO Lloyd Blankfein's desk. Here, he cautions against openly celebrating Goldman's massive profits:

"Wanting to celebrate our renewed success is natural, but it's important that we don't go crazy here. Remember, ten per cent of the non-bank country is unemployed, and even those who are working have "real" jobs, where payment is proportional to the creation of a "product" or a "service." Those poor bastards."

Faux-Blankfein also suggests: "For now, let's take down the giant scoreboard that reads 'Main Street: zero. Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion.'"

Read the whole piece at The New Yorker.

Get HuffPost Business On Facebook and Twitter!

Comments

[mattrittberg]

Here's what I think of their bonuses! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONDZr840nkg

[WIpatriot]

Not so hilarious and not much of a spoof, either.

[vote you]

We need to stop the corruption by Goldman, bank of Amerika, and Jp Morgan. Stop the Geithner and bernanke. . Obama's policies may not be working as well as many had hoped:

1st 100 days - There are 2.9 million more people unemployed in May than there were unemployed in January. The unemployment rate went from 7.6% to 9.4%.
Since May 2008, we have lost 5.5 million jobs.
The biggest losers were: Manufacturing 1.5 million lost Finance
& Prof Serv 1.5 million lost
Construction 1.1 million lost
Retail & Leisure 1.3 million lost

good articles: http://www.iamned.com

[spinns17]

if he got another 6 months he might be able to fly to the moon to.

[schatsie]

I want the T-Shirt that says

“Main Street: zero.

Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion.”

Then I want another t-shirt that says

Health Care Excess Costs, 500 billion

Uninsured 50 million

then another one that says
My Bush Tax cut was $50,000 per day, what was yours?

[LeeCalif]

Nothing about the corporation that has taken control of this country is humorous.

[pfrogger]

my favorite: "I stopped injecting gold into my blood."

LMAO.

here's hoping we're all not homeless in 6 months.

[lvgoto]

Do you think that Obama and Holder sleep well each night knowing that they have withheld justice thus far.
Reply
I enjoy watching documentaries about these types of mysteries.
I bought a tiffany's jewelry on louisvuitt­onoutlet.I­t sales bags and wallets as well,

http://www.tiffanycosite.com

I also bought a louis vuitton handbags on

http://www.louisvuitton2.com

http://www.gifico.com

Hope you can find what you need on it.
Nothing about the corporation that has taken control of our country is funny.

[Lauren Smith 4]

This is really interesting!

[hellboundtrain]

There is no humor here. The weather start to turn cooler in a few months and there will be even more Americans without work and out of their homes.

Do you think that Obama and Holder sleep well each night knowing that they have withheld justice thus far.

[pfrogger]

yes, they do.
so do all the GS people. anyone who's rich is sleeping very well.

if they actually cared, this would have never happened. they don't care about the "little people".
Obama is set for life for his actions. He can work for GS anytime he wants.
but the same could be said for any current politician. when bribery is made legal, ie. lobbying, than can any other outcome be expected? they bribe the politicians out in the open. they publish the bribery report on the web, under full disclosure. can you imagine the deals they are working out behind closed doors, if bribery is out in the open.
this is America, I got mine whatever way I could, who cares about everyone else. when the pretty rhetoric is gone, the actions remain and clearly show how America is run.
Frankly, THEY DO OWN THE PLACE.
Didn't you know?

[ToddlerJ]

Reminds me of a line in an Allison Krause song: "Laughin' at the devil as his train rolls by.."

[AngieMom57]

"..A fundamentalist mind is a mind that has become rigid. First the heart closes, then the mind becomes hardened.."

It must be a sense of false security that those people that work at Goldman Sachs and those that profit from the demonic dysfunctional manner in which they conduct themselves live.

[Wendy Davis]

This is Zionism at its finest.

[vippy]

We saw the same thing happening in the 1930s in Germany and then the people got angry!

[pfrogger]

Zionism???

this is just pure greed. which is a plague on all humans.

[CRUMBOWSKI]

You all should read..if you really wish to know the terrifying facts about Goldman-Sachs..and they are GRIM!..read Matt Taibbis article in Rolling Stone 7~2~2009 it is also free on their website..

The title of the article is "The Great American Bubble machine:..." and the subheading is how Goldman-Sachs actually..for real..controls the Economy..

G & S is pure Evil..I am serious..that is NOT too strong a term..the 'Business' model they utilize..what Taibbi calls the "Before The Melon Hits The Pavement.." model..is malevolent..pure and simple..it is designed to literally ROB the Nation and get away with it..the use of 'Laddering' for example..has only ONE outcome..to create massive debt..I mean Hey! G & S actually bet AGAINST their own 'financial products' that they sold to AIG..they KNEW..in advance..that the CDO's and such..woul­d..absolut­ely..FAIL.­.and they BET on that outcome..Taibbi lay's it out..and BTW: G & S has flipped out as a result of his piece..Non-Denial Denials abound..he has all the "numbers"..G & S has infested EVERY branch of Banking,Government AND Media..no bull..this is really happening..5 'Bubbles' and a Bail-Out..­and..garsh­! Wonder why gas prices are..umm..­"suddenly" going up? Because it worked SO well last summer..that's why....you MUST read Taibbis piece..KNOW the facts..and you might wanna have a Valium on hand..

[schatsie]

You know I really don't think there is anyway to totally eliminate CON PEOPLE...everyone wants to get something for nothing... So

The answer is to raise the taxes on Capital Gains to be the same as the INCOME TAX RATE...To eliminate business deductions over $50,000 for any one person...that is if you have a corporate jet, then it is only deductible for 50,000 for the CEO...and maybe a few others... Then any excess expenses gets billed to the people who actually flew in it..and it is taxed as personal income....

Come on People we can do this, we are right behind Al Franken and he is good enough and smart enough.

[doneflyin]

I knew that Taibbi had really struck a nerve when the GS people used the ultra dirty trick of calling him anti-semitic. That, along with labeling someone a conspiricy theorist, which they have also done, is the last resort of scoundrels because the labels carry such a negative stereotype that no further argument of facts is necessary.
It can be enough to ruin a career.
It won't happen to Taibbi. Goldman Sachs is over reaching on this one. These kinds of tactics are wearing thin and getting hoary.

[Wendy Davis]

Follow the money to find the source of the economic collapse or any other malfaesance, they say. And we did - right to Goldman Sachs. Now where is the justice? That money they are counting was not in their pockets a year ago. Seems to me someone is winking and nodding, passing cash under the table no doubt. This should be dissolved or run off american soil. How dare they make light of loss of homes, jobs, retirement funds, and credit ratings.

[tmaxPA]

Apparently The New Yorker see The Onion as its future...

[Furby]

Apparently GS employees post on HP. Why bother? We hate you.